Clearing Relationship and Marriage Fears

by Susan Eller
www.healingfromwithin.com
Tucson, Arizona, USA

My client, Tanya, is 45 years old and would very much like an intimate, love relationship with a man, even marriage. However, even though one part of her wants this, another part of her is resistant. She said that she tends to get into her head about it. .

I explored this with her and she expressed a lot of fear about being married and living with someone. Her fear is that she would not be able to be herself and would feel trapped

Further exploration revealed memories she had about her parents’ relationship and what bothered her about it. Her Dad had a raging temper and everyone in the house (her mom, sister, brother and herself) feared him. Her biggest fears from observing her parents were as follows.

-Her mother and, therefore, the wife had no voice. The husband had all the power.
-The wife doesn’t get to be what she wants to be
-The wife had to please her husband

We did several rounds of tapping on this.

Even though I am afraid that if I get married, I will have no voice and have to give up who I really am and what I am really interested in… I love and accept myself anyway.

Even though I am afraid that if I get married, I will feel trapped and have no power… .

Even though I am afraid that if I get married, I will have no freedom and will have to do what I can to please my husband even at my own expense … .

We tapped on the points using phrases like these: this fear of being married, it scares me, I would have to give up my power, I would have no voice, I would not be able to do what I want to do, I would have to placate my husband, I would feel trapped and that really scares me.

This brought up a lot of stuff for Tanya. I asked her to take a deep breath and checked in with her.

She mentioned that in some way she is like her mother in that she feels like she needs to overly please a man. I asked her to clarify that and she explained that when she dates a man, she usually pays for most of the bill. However, she would really like it to be the opposite way around.

After some exploration it became clear that when a man she is involved with romantically does something nice for her, she feels obligated. Yet, she really wants a man who would be somewhat chivalrous and would take care of her, including financially.

We saw that she had a subconscious belief that if a man took care of her, she would then owe this man her freedom and power. She would be beholden to him.

That was an “Aha” moment for her. And she said that was the crux of it. She felt obligated and beholden to a man she was romantically involved with.

We did more rounds of tapping on phrases like:

Even though I feel obligated if a man I am dating is nice to me because I am afraid I will have to give up my power and freedom like my mom did with my dad… I am willing to look at this differently now.

Even though I have a belief that I will have to be beholden to a man who wants to take care of me, I am open to healing this now.

Even though I have a belief that I have to placate and feel obligated to a man I am romantically involved with, especially a man who is nice to me, I can see now that it is an old belief and I am ready to look at this differently.

We tapped on the points with phrases like these: fear of having to be obligated to a man, feeling like I have to placate a man, feeling like I would have to be beholden to him. After awhile we shifted the phrasing a bit to bring in possibilities such as:

Maybe it is possible to have an intimate relationship with a man who is nice to me without feeling obligated, maybe it is ok and safe for a man to take care of me without me feeling fearful or having to give up my power.

This session cleared up a lot of confusion for Tanya, especially during her “Aha” moment. That was a big breakthrough for her. The session really helped her to see how old beliefs were getting in the way of her desire to have a committed love relationship.

Susan Eller
www.healingfromwithin.com

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 29, 2010 at 8:24 pm and is filed under Core Emotions, Fear, Latest, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.