Healing My Own Powerlessness and Lack of Safety

by Arinda Davis

I’ve known for some time that as a result of being raised by a controlling and very needy person who expected me and my siblings to make her happy, that I do not feel safe at all in this world. To try to understand it better and kick start some specific issues to tap on, I started reading Deborah King’s book Truth Heals. The first chapter deals with the root chakra, which gives us our sense of safety and security. Two things clicked with me – the feeling of powerlessness I felt growing up, and the subject of eating disorders. I probably don’t really have a diagnosable eating disorder, but I definitely have an unhealthy relationship with food.

I started tapping on the powerlessness by inviting the first occasion that came to mind that illustrated it. I was about 10 years old and my grandmother had made an outfit for me to wear on a school field trip. I was very excited about the trip and wearing my new clothes. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my mother, however. She immediately told me that I couldn’t wear the outfit. I asked why and she had no answer beyond, “Because I said you couldn’t.” I made a second attempt the next day in my most unassuming and respectful attitude, but it failed. I was crushed. As my 10 year old self, I tapped:

Even though she wouldn’t let me wear the new outfit and didn’t have any reason besides not wanting her mother to usurp her authority (even at 10 I knew what was going on), I deeply and profoundly love and forgive everyone involved, with compassion.

I wanted to wear that outfit so badly

My grandmother made it for me so I could wear it that day

There was no reason I couldn’t wear it

It was just her power trip

She needed to be in control of everything, even what her children wore

She couldn’t let her mother have any say in her family’s life

She even hurt me to have that control

Control was everything to her

She didn’t care about me-only about having things her way

I’m crushed

It’s so unfair

I feel so powerless and hopeless

I went on in this vein until things stopped coming to mind, then I tapped on asking my body to release the feeling of powerlessness. I learned this method from Lindsay Kenney’s website. She says that sometimes our bodies just need to be given permission, or asked directly to let go of something; sometimes they just don’t understand unless you ask directly. I’ve found that this helps me release particularly stubborn or long-term issues, so I tapped:

Even though I feel this powerlessness and hopelessness, I ask my body to completely release it now.

At each point I said:

I now ask my body to completely release this powerlessness and hopelessness.

Next I moved on to the eating disorder. Eating disorders are all about control. Food becomes the only thing we can control about our lives sometimes, so we put our energy into saying what can go into our mouths, how much, and when. I have a fair amount of self discipline, so I haven’t become unhealthy or overweight, but I do use food for comfort and as a reward. Once again, I allowed the first thing related to food in my childhood to come to mind and I tapped on it. It was an incident when I was a pre-teen in which I asked my mother if I could cook scrambled eggs for the whole family because I didn’t want to eat fried eggs. She always made fried eggs, but they made me sick because the yolks were runny. I was trying to figure out how to get eggs I could eat without making it more difficult for her. I came up with the perfect solution – I would cook the eggs myself. I thought it was brilliant. I didn’t think there was any way she could refuse, but refuse she did, again with no reason beyond, “Because I said so.” I began tapping:

Even though she made me eat eggs that made me sick because it was more important to her that she tell us what we could do than it was that we be happy and healthy and she couldn’t accept that she may have been doing something that made me sick without knowing it, I deeply and profoundly love, accept, and forgive everyone involved, with compassion.

All I wanted was not to be sick

All I wanted was scrambled eggs

I was so discouraged when she said no

I felt so helpless

So crushed

So deflated

So unimportant

I even had the perfect solution

And then things started to fall into place. I realized that I believed that no matter how smart I was, how clever, how respectful, someone else always had the power to tell me what I could and could not do. I connected how the eating disorder and my general feelings of powerlessness were related.

But she still said no

No matter what I do, even if I have the perfect solution, I still can’t have things the way I need them

She always has the power

I never have the power

She took the power

She won’t give me any power

Others always have the power

They take it

Then I felt myself turning towards realizing that I had power also and that all I had to do was claim it.

So I could take it, too

I could claim power for myself

I deserve that

Everyone deserves to have the power to say what happens in their own life

And I like the person I am now who is claiming my power (completely winging it here-I was surprised to hear this come up, but I just went with it)

I like how compassionate I am in exercising my power

Next I tapped on asking my body to release “no matter now smart, clever, respectful I am, someone else will always have the power” by saying that phrase three times at the collarbone point as an “even though” statement, then at each point.

I feel more at peace now and much less inclined to react with anxiety when I feel things slip out of my control. I also find that I don’t think about food so much and don’t need it as a reward for accomplishments. I have a better connection with the authentic me – a growing sense and an increasing unshakable knowing of my divinity.

Arinda Davis discovered EFT over two years ago and has been practicing it on herself ever since, with profound healing results – particularly around early childhood emotional pain.