What do we do when we have been through enough trauma in childhood and have created a need for a coping mechanism like food to deal with all the unresolved feelings and trauma? What is one of the biggest common denominators for so many of us? We think somehow we must have deserved to be treated the way we were treated, it just feels so well, personal. We end up hating ourselves and usually denying our feelings or “stuffing them” as a coping mechanism. It works pretty well and helps us to survive as children but of course as we get older it starts to be pretty tough to feel good when we don’t have access to our feelings. It can be the cause of so much stress, pain and suffering. The coping strategy that helped us survive becomes a thick heavy coat we wear in summer.

I see this in terms of emotional eating and using food to cope with this kind of suffering and really all feelings that feel overwhelming, even joy eventually.

In our society we also often develop a lot of beliefs about our bodies that can help to perpetuate the problem as well. This lack of self worth, coupled with the societal pressures and beliefs often overlap.

Example of the issue at work and how to release it:

I recently worked with a woman who shared with me her earlier childhood traumas having to take care of her very dysfunctional mother at the early age of 5 years old. As a child she had taken this on as something wrong with her and felt very bad about herself that she couldn’t do all that was required of her. In her current life she is using food very obsessively binge eating and has an expresses a lot of self loathing. Of course, how could a 5 year old do all the laundry, cooking and shopping? We know this in our adult minds, intellectually, but she was still carrying this fear, trauma and low self worth it seemed once we began tapping.

The beauty of EFT is in the reversal statement…. “I love and accept myself.”

Why is that so important? Why do we need to say it? Why does it help to “un-reverse” us? Because I think so often when we are “stuck” with a negative belief process or trauma, what keeps it so locked in place is our lack of acceptance and love. When we shine the light of love and kindness through acceptance on an issue, it is like the sun burning off the clouds. We realize it is not our fault. We can look at it and move on.

What we resist persists… with EFT, we stop resisting and therefore begin to release stuck emotional experiences.

We tapped on:

“Even though I feel worthless and like I have to always take care of everyone else first… what if I could love and accept myself now?”

“I have to take care of everyone else first”
“I am worthless if I’m caring for others”
“I come last”
“My worth is in what I can do for others”
“Nobody cares what I need, and neither do I”
“I had to do everything for mom”
“I can’t love myself or feel worthy”

Then we added in a few rounds of tapping using the “what if” statement.

“What if I could?”
“What if I am?”
“What if I am worthy just because I exist”
“What if it is not my fault?”
“What if I was just a little girl and shouldn’t have had to do all that for adults…”
“What if I am worthy now”

We did several rounds of this using the “what if” statement and what was under the worthlessness was all this fear- the constant fear she felt in her childhood.

“Even though I’ve always been scared from the time I was 5 and I had to take care of mom… what if I could love and accept myself now?”

“I’ve always been scared”
“I’ve lived in fear”
“I’ve been living in fear for forever now”
“I’m used to this fear”
“All this fear”
“I have been living in fear all my life”

After several rounds we added the choice statement:

“What if I could love myself now”
“Even though I’m scared, what if I could love myself”
“What if I could love and accept myself now…”
etc.

By the end of several rounds of tapping and peeling back the layers, she felt much less self loathing. It was a great relief to her. The self loathing is often a huge thorn in our sides that perpetuates binge eating. When we pull it out, I often see binges subside.

Using love and acceptance is absolutely key to healing trauma and food and body issues. I can’t imagine how we would ever heal without it. Combined with tapping on energy centers such as meridian points is a way to super charge the process.

Blessings,

Sandy

“Katrina” came to me for weight loss issues. She said she could eat reasonably all day but towards the evening, she would lose control and, as she said, “when I get started, it’s hard for me to pull back.”

Her feeling was one of frustration, which was at a 10. So we began tapping.

Even though I’m so frustrated that I can’t control my eating in the evenings, I love and accept myself…

The frustration went down to a 4-5. What came up for her then was, she said, “a lot of sadness.” I asked her if she had any thoughts or memories associated with the sadness.

Katrina said that what was coming to mind for her was a very early memory. It was not a new memory — she’s always been aware of it. She said that she vividly remembered being a very small toddler in her high chair in the kitchen, and seeing her bottle on the high shelf — but because her mother was weaning her from the bottle, the mother wouldn’t give the little girl the bottle. Her mother’s words were, “That’s not for you.” Little Katrina was given a cup instead.

I asked her to tell me a little more about her childhood. I learned that she was the child of a single mom who had to work very hard to support her family. Katrina was to some extent raised by relatives and neighbors. Her mother was matter-of-fact and didn’t have time for the “nonsense” of children’s feelings. For the mother, it was a very practical matter to wean the child from the bottle. The mother thought she had put it where the little girl couldn’t see it. For Katrina, a sensitive child, the incident in the kitchen had left a terrible feeling of deprivation and hurt.

We returned to “the bottle story” and decided to tap using a modified Movie Method. There wasn’t a lot of action, but there really were a lot of feelings. As we tapped, tears flowed.

Even though I can see my bottle, but Mommy won’t let me have it, I love and accept myself… I love and accept the little girl that I was…

Even though Mommy says, “That’s not for you…”

Even though I’m just a little girl… confused… why can’t I have it? It’s mine!

Even though Mommy isn’t paying any attention to my feelings…

Even though Mommy didn’t understand how much I wanted that…

etc.

We talked and tapped with regard to what the little girl needed: someone to pay attention to her feelings, to validate what she felt, to take her seriously, and to understand her. It wasn’t even so much that the little girl needed the bottle — she needed empathy and understanding for her feelings.

Even though no one took her seriously…no one was really there for her… I love and accept this little girl.

Katrina felt much better and could now recount “the bottle story” without painful emotion.

I had asked Katrina to bring in a “temptation food” to tap for, and she brought a Reese’s peanut butter cup. We decided to get it out and see how she felt about it. Normally her craving would have been high, but just talking and tapping for the little girl inside her seemed to have made a difference. Her craving was only about a 2. We did a few rounds of tapping and she felt even more neutral about the candy.

I often make a hypnotherapy-type recording at the end of a session so that positive and nurturing messages can continue to support the healing process. In Katrina’s case, I knew that it was not yet time to “deprive” the hurt part of her by trying to change behaviors drastically. Instead, we gave good messages to the child part of her. We affirmed that she could have what she wanted now. Katrina could also “tap in” these good messages:

I have the control now.

I can have this if I want to — I can choose to have it or not.

I’m now paying attention to what the craving is about…

I’m slowing things down. I’ll breathe and pay attention.

What the little girl needed was someone to pay attention to her feelings
… and validate her feelings… and take her seriously… and understand her.

I love and accept my little girl self. I honor my child self for what how hard it was at times. No one to pay attention… no one to really understand… but I understand.

When Katrina came in for her next session, she said that it had been amazing. She had had no desire for chocolate during the three weeks since our last session. She said she gave the Reese’s away! She just didn’t want it. “It feels great,” she said. “I’m not feeling as if, when I see it, I’ll go into this caveman ‘gotta have it’ urge. That kind of craving is gone.” She had also noticed feeling generally calmer and happier.

There is more work to do, but Katrina is developing a relationship with the part of herself that was the source of her cravings. That part needed love, attention, and understanding. As our healing work brings this in, I expect that it will get easier and easier for Katrina to make good choices and eat in a balanced way.

As a part of growing up we create a number of beliefs or ideas about ourselves. If we are fortunate enough to grow up in a loving and supportive environment we will build a constructive identity; we might think or say to ourselves – I am a good person, I am capable, I am confident, I am worthy, etc.

Many of us however, have managed to learn some unhelpful ideas about ourselves into our own thought processes so that we feel badly about ourselves, limit ourselves and give ourselves a hard time. We might think about ourselves: I am a bad person, I am a failure, I am a disappointment, etc

This extract from a client session demonstrates the Identity Relief process that I use as part of my work to help them free themselves from old identities.

During one of our sessions a client said, in passing, “I am a failure”. I am always on the look out for people’s identity beliefs which often start with “I am … ”

I asked him to say out loud “I am a failure” and give it a score from 0-10 where 0 is false and 10 is as true as it could be.

He told me it scored 8, describing the feeling that went with this belief as dull, and heavy.

Then I asked him: “How old is the ‘I’ in ‘I am a failure?’” This question helps someone identify the time in their life when this identity belief was formed.

He told me that 4 years old popped into his head.

I asked him to imagine that he could see that ’4 year old’ younger self out in front of him and tell me what he noticed about him.

Putting the younger self on “the outside” makes it easier to identify the feelings and thoughts that are going on in that very young self and allows us to tap for them.

His first impression was that ‘this younger self’ was upset and crying. So we used that as the first set-up statement and round of tapping.

Even though he is upset and crying, I accept him and how he feels

Reminder phrase: “he is upset and crying”

As that emotional charge settled he heard his mother’s voice saying “he has disgraced himself” which had quite a lot of emotion attached to it.

Even though ‘he has disgraced himself’, I accept him and how he feels.

Reminder phrase: “he has disgraced himself”

Then he heard his mother saying “he let me down”

Even though ‘he let me down’, I accept myself and how I feel.

Reminder phrase: “He let me down.”

I only use the words that the client gives me to tap on, no clever reframing is required – just respect for the client’s experience and tapping to take care of the emotion.

After a few rounds of tapping I asked about what was going on in that younger self.

He replied that his younger self felt ‘bad’, as in: he is a bad boy.

Even though he feels bad, I accept him and how he feels.

Reminder phrase: “He feels bad.”

After a few rounds of tapping I asked him what was going on now. He told me that his younger self was completely calm.

Now we added the compassionate acceptance to that younger self which was missing when he had those original experiences. Distress not a good state to be in if you want to make accurate assessments of what’s going on. Compassionate acceptance at the time would have soothed that stress and allowed a more balanced view of his experience.

I invited my client to remember a time when he felt compassionate acceptance for another person or animal. When he had the memory I invited him to settle into it and tune into the feeling of compassionate acceptance that went with it.

When he had that feeling I invited him to let the feeling flow down his arm into an upturned palm. He opened his right hand palm up.

I asked him to imagine that feeling of compassionate acceptance pooling in the palm of his hand.

I said “If that compassionate acceptance had a colour what would it be?”

“Blue”

I said “Great! Imagine that pool of blue compassionate acceptance grows into and forms a bubble of compassionate acceptance.”

I gave him a few moments to do that.

“When that bubble of blue compassionate acceptance is just the right size allow it to float off your hand and over to that younger you so that it completely covers and surrounds him in blue compassionate acceptance.”

I gave him a few moments to do that.

“Imagine that the blue compassionate acceptance is completely surrounding and bathing that younger you, washing through him and doing what compassionate acceptance does … and even if you don’t know what it is doing you will know when it is done … “

After a little while, where he was obviously processing, he told me that his younger self was laughing, smiling and giggling within this blue bubble. A very different picture from when we started.

I invited my client to bring this younger self back into himself. He imagined that younger self moving back into himself and settling in. Since we externalised that younger self for the tapping and compassion bubble we needed to bring that younger self back in.

When he had done that, I said:

“Invite that younger you to grow up taking advantage of all the wisdom and experience he has had since he was 4 years old. Since the repertoire of a 4 year old for handling the vicissitudes of life is somewhat limited, we need to give the younger self the opportunity to take advantage of everything they had learned since the age of 4.”

He took a few moments to do that.

I then asked him to say out loud “I am a failure” – it had no charge for him at all, it just sounded like a collection of words.

Andy Hunt is an EFT & NLP Trainer and Practitioner living in the North East of England. He works with people who give themselves a hard time, judge themselves harshly, feel bad about themselves and spend far more time beating themselves up than living the life they would want. Visit him online at www.practicalwellbeing.co.uk.

“Julie” came to me for weigh and eating issues. She had been working with a book on ending food addiction (author: Kay Sheppard) and had determined that one of the emotional drivers for her was, as she put it, “Not-Good-Enough Pain.”

Because I was in the process of preparing to teach EFT Levels 1-2, I was especially aware of the basic core concepts. So I talked with Julie about how “not good enough” was like a big forest with many individual trees (specific events) or like a tabletop with many legs supporting that table. Would she be open to working with some specific events from the past in order to bring healing to this core belief? She agreed.

We had already done some tapping for the emotions around this. I then asked her to close her eyes and tune in to that “not good enough” feeling. “Just let your mind be open to finding one of the early times that you felt this. What other time does this feeling remind you of?” She said, “I don’t know why this is coming up, but I just remembered being on the monkey bars on the playground, I was probably about 5 years old, and this boy Ricky, who was always mean to me, came up and made fun of me. He had his friends with him, and they called me Little Miss Piggy, Pig Nose.” She was amazed to find tears coming.

People are often surprised at how much pain can still be in these seemingly insignificant childhood memories. I asked Julie to make a small movie of this event — how long would it be? Only a few minutes. I asked her the title. She said, Little Miss Piggy, Pig Nose. The title was a 10 in intensity for her, so we began by simply tapping for the title:

Even though I have this Little Miss Piggy, Pig Nose movie, I love and accept myself
Even though I have this Little Miss Piggy, Pig Nose movie, I love and accept my little girl self — that really hurt my feelings…

It took several rounds of tapping for “this Little Miss Piggy, Pig Nose movie,” but the effect was dramatic. The tears that initially came with these words subsided quickly. After three rounds, the intensity of the title had mostly been released, from a 10 to a 4 down to a 1 or 2.

I then asked Julie to narrate the movie, beginning before the upsetting part. “I’m climbing on the monkey bars… I’m swinging from my arms… I’m having a good time… now I see the mean boy coming…he’s walking over with his friends.” I stopped her — “Any intensity?” Surprisingly, she said, “No!”

She continued. “Now he’s coming over and saying to his friend, ‘hey look, there’s Little Miss Piggy, Pig Nose!” I stopped her again — “Any intensity?” Again, “No!”

“So what happens next?” I asked. Julie then said something totally unexpected: “Well, I just keep swinging and I tell them that they’re just stupid boys and that I don’t care what they say! And I laugh at them!” We both laughed at the conviction in her voice — she knew they were acting stupid and that it was not about her! She said, “I know that’s not what really happened, but that’s what I see in my movie now. All I can do is laugh at them. How stupid those dumb boys were! Picking on a little girl — shame on them.”

Apparently our work together on the title alone had completely cleared the trauma. I realized that the title she had chosen was the crescendo of the event. That might not always be a good idea, but in this case, it worked wonders. Those nasty words, which had hurt her so much as a little child, had been completely neutralized, and she could see the whole thing clearly and not take it personally anymore.

Just to be safe, I had Julie rewind and run the old movie in her mind, trying to stay with the scenario as it had really happened. She found that hard to do! She had trouble even imagining it and couldn’t get back any pain — even though 15 minutes before, she had been in tears.

We ended with a “power tapping” for the little girl inside her.

Even though those boys called me Miss Piggy, Pig Nose, so what? I don’t care! They’re just stupid boys!

As we tapped the points with “so what?” and “I don’t care!” and “They’re just stupid boys!” Julie was grinning. It felt great to empower her inner child to throw off the insult and put those boys in their place.

At the end of the session, Julie felt great. My hope is that this healing result will generalize into other places in childhood and beyond where Julie felt put down or insulted with regard to her appearance. She felt so much lighter and calmer at the end of the session, and she agreed that continuing to tap for those old wounds will really help her heal her issue of emotional eating.

Due to the sensitive nature of this issue, I have withheld specific details.

A gentleman in his late 30’s, from US, called me in January this year. He wanted phone counseling and EFT therapy for CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse).

When we began the sessions he revealed that he had been sexually abused at the age of 10 by strangers. He had very low confidence in high school and got into alcohol and drug abuse in his college. For the past 20 years he had been caught in this addiction cycle. Due to the addictions he was laid off from his job recently. He had been to a rehabilitation centre and also for psychotherapy but that didn’t help much with addiction and CSA. The clean phase lasted only for a few weeks. It was leading to enormous tension and stress within his family and impacting his relationship with his girl friend as well. He had difficulty in concentration, anger management issues and difficulty in remaining faithful.

He had been clean for the past 2 weeks when he contacted me and was fighting the temptation to go back to alcohol and drugs. We worked on the anxiety that led to the craving and simultaneously took up CSA. The following are details from the CSA sessions.

When he was 10 years old he was asked by his friend to visit another man’s house where the abuse took place.
I did the movie technique on him. While he was narrating the story, the anxiety started building up. I immediately asked him to stop and tap on it. He could remember going up the stairs to the room. After tapping on the anxiety about telling the story, I made him tap on all the details that he could remember. Some of the aspects taken up were –

Feeling of being trapped
Feeling of tightness in my stomach as I think about it
Anger for taking advantage of a 10 year old
Anger as the perpetrator didn’t stop the abuse
I understand that it was not my fault

Later the anger changed to sadness. He said he had seen his perpetrator a few years back and had felt like beating him to pulp but now after tapping he felt differently. He said maybe that person would have changed now. This was a cognitive shift.

In the next session I ran the entire incident by him and asked him to stop me whenever he felt any anxiety. He said he felt anxiety but that was for another incident. His anxiety for the first one was negligible.

In this incident, he was asked by another stranger, an elder man, to get into a car. he was taken to an unknown place. This became a routine that lasted for awhile. He said that it had felt more like an adventure for him at that time and he had enjoyed it but it was always laced with fear. Tapping was done on-

Anger for being manipulated
Fear while it was taken to that place
Guilt for enjoying the adventure
Guilt for continuing to experiment
Even though the experiences may have impacted my life, I choose to start afresh.

Surprisingly his intensity went down pretty fast after tapping on the guilt. Somehow the guilt was holding that abuse in place and after the guilt was gone, the abuse too lost its significance. It was, as if a heavy load had been lifted off his shoulders.

In the next session, I asked him how he felt during the week post session and he said that he was fine and was concentrating on his career. I asked him how he felt about the abuse and he said that it didn’t bother him and he didn’t know why. I asked him to guess why. He said – ‘It was in the past which is over and I want to move on’. After that we never tapped on CSA again as it didn’t bother him.

With the tapping on addiction, low confidence, fear of upcoming job related tests etc along with counseling for remaining faithful, stress and anger management, he was able to remain clean and there was an increase in his confidence. The last I heard from him was 2 months back and there had been no relapse and he had passed the exam with flying colors and was trying to work on his future goals.

I strongly feel that one has to be very careful in approaching CSA with EFT because if not handled properly, it can unleash overwhelming emotions that are difficult to control. The survivor is afraid to re-visit the ‘forbidden’ part of his/her life as it causes trauma and therefore it is important to handle each incident in totality but also not run the incidents again and again unnecessarily. Re-testing is an important part of EFT but in abuse cases I feel that it should be done less. Also, I never ask my clients to forgive their perpetrators unless they are ready to do so. In my opinion, it is possible to let go of the incident, be unaffected by it without forgiving the perpetrator. It’s more important that the person forgives oneself for the experience, forgives oneself for being seduced, or enjoying it (in some cases) , releases the anger, hurt , vulnerability, does not feel responsible for the abuse and does not feel emotionally scarred or damaged for the rest of one\’s life. A person who has been abused may take time to get over the scars of abuse and rebuild his confidence and feel better overall, but the time that is taken in reducing intensity for each specific incident is actually very less.

The feeling of peace that comes after releasing these incidents is very liberating.

“Candace” had such a severe terror of flying that she had not been on a plane for 22 years. She called me because an important family event was taking place in a few months and she didn’t want to miss it. But attending the event would involve a 5-hour flight. She was nearly hopeless yet determined to face her fears.

As our phone session began, I gathered history and found that she did have some traumatic memories from her few flying experiences long ago. In one case, a plane had not pressurized correctly, and in another the plane had to be diverted because of fog. The feeling in her body when she thought about being on a plane was, “a little like throwing up — sick to my stomach.”

We started tapping using her words and focusing on the body sensation, which was a 6-7.

Even though I feel sick to my stomach, a little like throwing up, when I think about flying, I deeply love and accept myself…

At the end of the round of tapping, Candace said, “What bothers me is thinking about the plane in the air. All I can think about is a lack of support and falling. It’s a sensation of, I’m going to fall any second!” This felt like a horrible dread in her stomach, an 8 in intensity. So we tapped again using her words.

Even though I feel like I’m going to fall any second, I deeply love and accept myself…

Something popped into my head during the course of that tapping and I shared the thought with Candace. “You know, it’s interesting that your fear of flying is really about fear of falling. I’ve heard that the fear of falling is one of the few natural fears that we are born with. Babies have an innate fear of falling.” This seemed to ring a bell with her and she said, “you know, the whole time I’ve been visualizing myself falling through the sky!” So once again we used her words for tapping:

Even though I visualize myself falling through the sky, I deeply love and accept myself… and it’s time to bring some healing to this…

As we tapped the points, I gave her some blanks to fill in:

I visualize myself falling through the sky… and I think it goes back to___

I visualize myself falling through the sky… and I feel____ And _______(what else?)

As she completed the sentences, she was tuning in more and more to the feeling: “I think it goes back to being very young… and I feel terrified… and no one’s going to catch me! And I’m going to hit! And it’s going to hurt! And it all makes me feel really sad.” So we tapped again, using her words:

Even though I am terrified because no one is going to catch me… and it makes me feel… sad…
This sadness… this little one is falling… afraid no one is going to catch her… terrified… I’m going to hit… it’s going to hurt… so sad… I love and accept this little child.

Candace was feeling very emotional and tears were coming. She said, “I believe I had some early childhood trauma. My sister was 6 years older and hated me intensely. I think she probably did hurt me sometimes. I think she did things to scare me. I wonder if she threw me up and didn’t catch me!”

We tapped and tapped until the emotion had subsided. Then Candace got an image of a little girl being gently bounced up and down by kind and loving arms. She said, “I want to think of the loving arms of the Universe always under the plane, guiding it safely to its destination.” So we tapped a few more times to acknowledge this healing outcome:

Even though I had such a fear of falling… it’s time to bring healing to this… and I see the little girl gently bounced, safely bounced up and down by loving arms… and the loving arms of the Universe are always under the plane…

Candace felt immensely better. When I tested our work by having her think of being on a plane and say, “I feel like I’m going to fall any second,” she could no longer feeling the dread in her stomach and wasn’t connecting with the image of herself falling through the sky anymore. Instead, she felt curious and intrigued! She had no idea that the root of her fear of flying might not have to do with planes at all. Now the idea of being on a plane wasn’t nearly as upsetting.

We ended up doing several more sessions to deal with the previous flight experiences, but the initial intensity never returned. The last time I spoke with Candace, she had bought her tickets!

Looking back at the session, I believe that listening carefully to my client’s own words and paying close attention to her descriptions of what she was feeling were the keys to uncovering the core issue. As we used her words and tapped, it was like following a thread back to the source. Sentence completions are also a great way to uncover more details. As we complete the sentence with the first thing that comes, the subconscious can’t help but volunteer the information.

34-year old Vivian (not her real name) wanted to get rid of her intense craving for sweets. Not only did she need to lose weight, but all that sugary stuff made her stomach feel bad. As a habit, she ate four cupcakes every night after dinner, plus lots of cookies in between. The cookies bothered her the most – they just were irresistible.

As with many cravings or addictions, there was a “Guiding Star” experience involved. This term, coined by Silvia Hartmann, describes a blissful peak-experience that is frozen in time. It becomes problematic when a person tries to repeat it, or a part of it, again and again (which, of course, never works).

I suggested doing a Matrix Reimprinting session. For more details about this expanded EFT technique, please go to Karl Dawson’s site www.matrixreimprinting.com. At its core, it is about imagining tapping on a younger self. This is different from inner child work insofar as the younger self (Karl calls it “echo”) is not a part of the currently present person, but a separate entity stuck “out there” in the Matrix – the universal energy field. (Actually, more often than not, MR works directly with trauma.)

I asked Vivian to look for an event that could be the origin of her infatuation with cookies. She knew immediately what is was. When she was 8 or 9 years old, her mother worked at a bakery. This particular day, Vivian went there and helped the lady who ran the bakery to carry out some big buckets. She worked hard, and she was proud of herself. The lady complimented her and gave her cookies. Her mother said: “Vivian is the good one, she always does what she is told. She is such a good girl.”

Now, this might not sound like an outstanding experience to somebody who grew up in a normal family. However, several of Vivian’s family members were physically abusive, and her mother, overwhelmed and sickly, never protected her. So this bakery was like heaven for Vivian. She felt safe, appreciated, useful, and loved by her mother. And it all was tied to cookies.

Following the MR protocol, I had Vivian as her current self step into this bakery, introduce herself to the younger self and ask if we could work with her. The girl was very happy to see Vivian, but she told her that she really wanted to keep the cookies. We assured her that nothing was going to happen against her will.

Then Vivian imagined tapping on her younger self while tapping on her present self at the same time. (I have to say, while other people have no problem doing that, it fries my brain. I imagine tapping only on my younger self when I work on myself).

Addressing her in the second person, we tapped a round on:

Even though you believe that cookies and happiness are one and the same and cannot be separated, you are a great little girl.

Immediately, a huge wave of sadness, fear, and hopelessness flooded the younger self. Vivian was close to tears: “This is all she has, these happy moments at the bakery. She has nothing else to hold on to, she doesn’t think she can make it.”

We tapped several more rounds on these feelings (I knew what was going on since we had worked on the family trauma in earlier sessions).

Change of Memory

Then Vivian was ready for the Change of Memory. The point of this is to show the younger self that she still can have the same experience of happiness and belonging, but in a different situation – in our case without cookies.

After our EFT rounds, the younger self was ready to leave the bakery. Vivian told me that she wanted to go to a new house. Only the grown-up Vivian and her three younger siblings were with her, the ones she felt safe with. In this new, enriched memory, they are all sitting in the front yard of their new house, playing with toys. Vivian assured the younger self that she would not leave, and that it was o.k. to be happy, not to worry, and to just be a kid. This was the perfect picture of happiness for Vivian, and we did the MR procedure to send the new memory into her body and out into the Matrix.

As a test, I asked Vivian how cookies and happiness are connected for her, and she said, “A cookie is just a cookie.”

Five days later, I inquired about her eating habits. As it turned out, she only had taken a little bite out of one cupcake and had not eaten a single cookie. Zero. Vivian: “It has not been hard at all. I just don’t want them anymore.”

Two weeks later she still has not eaten any cookies.

I’ve known for some time that as a result of being raised by a controlling and very needy person who expected me and my siblings to make her happy, that I do not feel safe at all in this world. To try to understand it better and kick start some specific issues to tap on, I started reading Deborah King’s book Truth Heals. The first chapter deals with the root chakra, which gives us our sense of safety and security. Two things clicked with me – the feeling of powerlessness I felt growing up, and the subject of eating disorders. I probably don’t really have a diagnosable eating disorder, but I definitely have an unhealthy relationship with food.

I started tapping on the powerlessness by inviting the first occasion that came to mind that illustrated it. I was about 10 years old and my grandmother had made an outfit for me to wear on a school field trip. I was very excited about the trip and wearing my new clothes. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my mother, however. She immediately told me that I couldn’t wear the outfit. I asked why and she had no answer beyond, “Because I said you couldn’t.” I made a second attempt the next day in my most unassuming and respectful attitude, but it failed. I was crushed. As my 10 year old self, I tapped:

Even though she wouldn’t let me wear the new outfit and didn’t have any reason besides not wanting her mother to usurp her authority (even at 10 I knew what was going on), I deeply and profoundly love and forgive everyone involved, with compassion.

I wanted to wear that outfit so badly

My grandmother made it for me so I could wear it that day

There was no reason I couldn’t wear it

It was just her power trip

She needed to be in control of everything, even what her children wore

She couldn’t let her mother have any say in her family’s life

She even hurt me to have that control

Control was everything to her

She didn’t care about me-only about having things her way

I’m crushed

It’s so unfair

I feel so powerless and hopeless

I went on in this vein until things stopped coming to mind, then I tapped on asking my body to release the feeling of powerlessness. I learned this method from Lindsay Kenney’s website. She says that sometimes our bodies just need to be given permission, or asked directly to let go of something; sometimes they just don’t understand unless you ask directly. I’ve found that this helps me release particularly stubborn or long-term issues, so I tapped:

Even though I feel this powerlessness and hopelessness, I ask my body to completely release it now.

At each point I said:

I now ask my body to completely release this powerlessness and hopelessness.

Next I moved on to the eating disorder. Eating disorders are all about control. Food becomes the only thing we can control about our lives sometimes, so we put our energy into saying what can go into our mouths, how much, and when. I have a fair amount of self discipline, so I haven’t become unhealthy or overweight, but I do use food for comfort and as a reward. Once again, I allowed the first thing related to food in my childhood to come to mind and I tapped on it. It was an incident when I was a pre-teen in which I asked my mother if I could cook scrambled eggs for the whole family because I didn’t want to eat fried eggs. She always made fried eggs, but they made me sick because the yolks were runny. I was trying to figure out how to get eggs I could eat without making it more difficult for her. I came up with the perfect solution – I would cook the eggs myself. I thought it was brilliant. I didn’t think there was any way she could refuse, but refuse she did, again with no reason beyond, “Because I said so.” I began tapping:

Even though she made me eat eggs that made me sick because it was more important to her that she tell us what we could do than it was that we be happy and healthy and she couldn’t accept that she may have been doing something that made me sick without knowing it, I deeply and profoundly love, accept, and forgive everyone involved, with compassion.

All I wanted was not to be sick

All I wanted was scrambled eggs

I was so discouraged when she said no

I felt so helpless

So crushed

So deflated

So unimportant

I even had the perfect solution

And then things started to fall into place. I realized that I believed that no matter how smart I was, how clever, how respectful, someone else always had the power to tell me what I could and could not do. I connected how the eating disorder and my general feelings of powerlessness were related.

But she still said no

No matter what I do, even if I have the perfect solution, I still can’t have things the way I need them

She always has the power

I never have the power

She took the power

She won’t give me any power

Others always have the power

They take it

Then I felt myself turning towards realizing that I had power also and that all I had to do was claim it.

So I could take it, too

I could claim power for myself

I deserve that

Everyone deserves to have the power to say what happens in their own life

And I like the person I am now who is claiming my power (completely winging it here-I was surprised to hear this come up, but I just went with it)

I like how compassionate I am in exercising my power

Next I tapped on asking my body to release “no matter now smart, clever, respectful I am, someone else will always have the power” by saying that phrase three times at the collarbone point as an “even though” statement, then at each point.

I feel more at peace now and much less inclined to react with anxiety when I feel things slip out of my control. I also find that I don’t think about food so much and don’t need it as a reward for accomplishments. I have a better connection with the authentic me – a growing sense and an increasing unshakable knowing of my divinity.

Arinda Davis discovered EFT over two years ago and has been practicing it on herself ever since, with profound healing results – particularly around early childhood emotional pain.

Editors Note: This article is Part 3 in a series, sharing how persistent and systematic EFT can help heal the physical and emotional effects of war trauma. For a deeper understanding of the history of Cynthia’s work with Anna-Lena, you may wish to begin by reading Part 2: Anna-Lena and The Knife Attack and Part 1: Anna-Lena and These Russian Tanks in My Neck.

Session 3

Anna-Lena reported that the previous sessions were definitely positive for her. Her moral is better (less pessimistic), but the last few days she had begun having big problems with pain in the neck moving upwards to the back of the head, getting worse under stress and feeling, “like swords lancing into my head.” She feels unstable, a kind of a staggering feeling. She was also having some problems with her vision and hearing.

When I asked for the symptoms, she brought up that she had a terrible accident with her electric bicycle about 2 years before, flying over her bicycle and landing in a ditch with her head first. It turned out that a barrier tape had been removed by whomever, so the ditch could not be seen. She lay in intensive care unconsciously for two days. They told her that her brain had been injured, and afterwards she needed to have rehabilitation measures. Anna-Lena reported that her condition had improved somewhat since, but sometimes she still had problems and discomforts which she would attribute to the accident. She stated: “It is as though the shock (of the Knife Attack) brings this all up again.“

I preframed with her that it is very likely that her body shows up a new item which it wants her to deal with, and that all these experiences (Knife Attack, Tanks from Behind, this accident) have been stuck in her neck and head area. In fact, all the symptoms she related to in the beginning of this current session could be connected to this accident. I pointed out that addressing and releasing all aspects of the accident will very likely be critical for relieving the described symptoms.

I also pointed out that we still wanted to check whether there were “loose ends“ of the “Russian Tanks“ or the “Knife Attack.” She wanted to test imagining taking the subway or returning to that same subway station in the future.

I then checked the list of known symptoms from the previous sessions and it turned out that her sleeping quality had greatly improved: While she had woken up 3-4 times at night before our first session – having nightmares, being cramped and stiff – this was only happening once a night now. She also reported that when she did wake up, she would find herself pressing her head into the pillow, being stiff in particular on the left side. She stated her sleeping quality was 9 out of 10 now (very good). She also had discontinued sleeping pills.

This shows how important it is to test back regularly and ask frequently for previously reported symptoms.

An Unplanned Test

She describes how she happened to see some Russian tanks on TV. Her spontaneous reaction was to turn it off. She did have an intensity level of 3-4. I remember that her intensity was down to 0 at the end of the second session. This tells me that there must be something else in the past she wants to protect herself from – another aspect – which we can address when the time is right.

Physical Symptoms

Shoulder pain: 5
Neck pain: 8
Back of the head: 9, round spot, size of palm of her hand; currently no lancing pain but pressure, color: brown, connected feeling: danger.

The Session Unfolds

Starting with the Setup phrase and speaking of “this brown danger“ I started seeing little brown figures before my inner eyes – in uniforms associated with Nazis. Following my intuition, I mentioned this in a humorous way like: “Isn’t that funny? I see little brown uniformed figures before my inner eye and think about Nazis. Can you imagine?“

Continuing to let her in on my intuition, I began speaking and tapping:

This brown danger…all these old memories in my muscles and cells…

Within seconds Anna-Lena burst out into tears and we tap, tap, tapped… After a while I asked her what had come up, and she came out with the story about when her father was forcibly torn out of the house by the Nazis early one morning without any previous warning. She remembered him resisting vividly but having no chance. They forced him to work as a medic in military hospitals. Her father was a man of peace and a doctor, and did not want to join the war. This particular incident happened when she was a very little child (3-4 years old). She didn’t remember every detail of the situation, but she watched when the Nazis came to take him. The pain of this early loss burst out again and again, and it took some time to deal with the intense feelings. She began crying and sobbing desperately, all the feelings of this little child being fully present:

“Vati (synonym for Daddy)… I need you so much!… all this pain… Vati!!… all this helplessness… all these feelings… Vati!!… all this pain…“

Anna-Lena also reported that there had been a constant atmosphere of fear at home. They listened to BBC regularly and had to be very careful. They were in constant fear of being trapped or denounced.

Soon we addressed several aspects which were connected to this event:

I am responsible for the family… for my mother… for my little sister… I couldn’t do a thing about it… I am safe now… and my little Anna-Lena too… I don’t have to be responsible any more… I’m safe now… no more Nazis… my poor Vati… my poor Vati… he didn’t want to go there… I choose to know, that he didn’t want to leave me alone… that he didn’t want to leave my mother and my little sister alone… that he was with us always… in his thoughts… with all his good wishes… with all his love… always with us…

Even though Vati was challenged by his fate… I choose to know that all he achieved was passed down to me… his spirit of freedom and respect… and love for mankind… and I choose to know… that he did his best at the places he was placed… to keep up and live… this spirit… and that he did his best… to help men… because this is… what a good doctor does…

This overwhelming sadness… this endless sadness… (at least 3 rounds)… I take my little Anna-Lena into my arms and comfort her… and cradle her… yes… that’s what you needed then… my little Anna-Lena… no wonder you were sad… I understand this so clearly… me, the adult Anna-Lena… and I take my hat off to you… for all the power you found as a little girl…

Anna-Lena reports that she could always find this power and that others confirm how powerful she always has been in spite of everything that has happened… Working through the aspects, the charge on helplessness sank from 7 to 3, and sadness went to a 0. And then Anna-Lena said:

“A feeling of thankfulness and inner peace prevails… the inner connection remains… like a sun, which shines above all… inner power.“

She stated that her inner power had risen from 8 to 10 and added: “I receive it now. I welcome it with open arms.“

Then she reported that during the process of tapping, the back of her head started to get a bit warm and a feeling extended “as if a mountain would crumble… and permanently trickling like water pearls…“

We continued working with the crumbling and brought the former 9 (pressure on the back of the head) down to a 2, due to my persistent, “Let’s give this another try!“ But time was at end, and Anna-Lena wanted a break in spite of the remaining pressure. So I finished with a tapping phrase around being open to all the remaining pearls trickling downwards and releasing the pressure in the back of her head, and we finished for this session.

“What we’ve done today was critical,“ Anna-Lena stated when she left. “I feel deeply thankful to my father and have a stronger connection to my inner power.“

Feedback 3 weeks Later:

Anna-Lena reports that she had a 1-week-period of feeling deeply tired and exhausted after the last session: “I’ve never been so tired in my life before…” She even had someone come cook for her.

I said that it’s obvious that a lot of tensions have dissolved, and by this has made room for a huge relaxation. After releasing tension that had been going on for so long, no wonder the body needed to reorganize.

Head condition is now “definitely better.” She reported that after the tiredness had disappeared the lancing pain on the back of her head had also disappeared and since then never come back. Neck discomfort has reduced – but pain still comes back, especially in the evenings when she gets tired – a result of arthrosis (as her doctors told her) due to the bicycle accident.

Seeing and listening qualities have gradually improved since then. While staggering hasn’t improved, she explained that this may be due to possible heart valve problem.

First she claims that her sleeping quality was fairly the same but after asking it turns out that she has no more nightmares at all, only wakes up once at night to go to the bathroom and has no more tensions in her neck and no more head pressing backwards into the pillow.

More Aspects

She also reports that from time to time pictures are coming up which have to do with danger from the behind, “but the fear is not that big anymore.“ It then turns out that she has found another aspect belonging to the Knife Attack: “The moment I hear the click of the knife opening on my left ear…” We had addressed her attackers voice speaking to her already before but this detail was not in her awareness then. And there still is a more global feeling of “this moment you realize that somebody is after you.” She also states that this feeling doesn’t belong to the Knife Attack but to some older incident(s).

I point out that I suspect further progress is possible for her, especially by addressing her bicycle accident, along with any remaining aspects of the Knife Attack incident.

At the moment Anna-Lena doesn’t want “another period of tiredness to recur“ so she will wait for another session to address the remaining aspects. She also made good progress using EFT on her own.

I asked Anna-Lena to read through my report and to give her own opinion on her experiences with EFT, she sent to me her “final evaluation“ some weeks later:

Final Evaluation

“After having practiced the Emotional Freedom Technique for some time, I can truly say that it is a very effective technique. During my life I have been in therapy for longer periods several times. Therefore I feel that this very positive judgment is not given lightly. In a relatively short time my mood and feelings changed. Every time I practiced this technique my experience was that it helped a lot and gave me more and more confidence and motivation.

What I particularly like about this technique is that I can practice it whenever I want and wherever I want on practically every issue. Once you have learned the acupuncture trigger points you are no longer therapist-dependent. I appreciate this independence a lot. I am grateful Mrs. Doll was recommended to me. She guided me through the procedures with admirable intuition and attention.

I am very, very grateful to her and to Gary Craig who so generously put it out into the world. Anna-Lena, Netherlands“

Cynthia Doll specializes in EFT for trauma from her private practice in Maintal (near Frankfurt), Germany.

I specialise in working with people who suffer from chronic anxiety conditions arising from childhood trauma, known and unknown. This complex case highlights how a sensitive use of inner child work and parts work can help bring peace to a conflicted internal system.

My client V, contacted me from Goa because he had an issue with food and self image he would like to address. Three years previously he had totally burnt out whilst trying to lose weight and get fit and he had a pattern of sabotaging behaviour. He felt totally locked in a cycle of stress in every part of his life.

He felt consumed by burn out, acidity and negative emotions. He had an understanding that there were parts of him still feeling as they did during the traumas of the past and were influencing his behaviour now.

I asked him to be aware of what he wanted from this work together today.

He spoke of a real fear of moving on, fear of stepping out, fear of taking responsibility, failure means punishment and pain. He has to make a decision about what he wants to do with his life and it feels very, very difficult. So much stress involved and this had a negative impact on his health. He felt stuck in repeated patterns, still feeling the shock of the burnout. Every time he made the effort to go forward it took him back to the trauma. Even eating a meal is stressful, so every aspect of his life felt stress inducing.

He had a clear conflict between a part that wants to move on and a part that didn’t feel safe.

I decided to use an exercise I use with my clients to gauge the state of the nervous system I call “The Watcher on the Hill.”

Imagine the nervous system as an army. In a healthy nervous system our amygdala, the watchman, is in a state of relaxed expectation. I asked him to visualise his watchmen. He saw many watchers looking out for danger, more watchers than soldiers.

Even though there’s more watchers than soldiers, they are all looking out for danger, they expect danger, I don’t feel safe, there are parts of me that feel really unsafe and they can’t relax and they remember a time when I wasn’t safe, I want these parts to know, that right here, right now, its over, I am safe, we survived, we’re okay.

Even though parts of me remember the feeling of a time when we were unsafe, that was then, this is now, its a feeling, we remember the feeling and feelings can change, I allow these feelings to flow.

There were still some there but there was less energy running through his head, he had been experiencing adrenaline surges in his head. I asked him to be aware of his soldiers

Even though the soldiers look tired, they have been ready for danger, ready for action, expecting action for so long that they are just exhausted, they have been working so hard, they need a rest, there is no danger right now, they can rest right now, I give them permission to relax and have some time off.

I asked him what he sensed they needed to recuperate. He realised they needed to have some fun.

I allow them to have some fun, they can be there when I need them, with the appropriate rest and relaxation.

I explained that we do need our nervous system to be ready and gave him some examples of when we need a little surge of adrenaline.

I asked him to tune into when his nervous system felt like it had to fight all the time.

He felt there had been fighting ever since he got on that treadmill of dieting and overexercising, months and months of stress locked in.

I asked him to get in touch with the part of him that decided it was a good idea to push his body to the limit. He felt really angry with this part of him.

Even though I am so angry with this part of me, I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t accept him, I am open to the possibility of accepting that part of me was doing the best it could and I will try to understand him somehow, but right now I AM angry with him.

Even though I am angry with that part because….(just wait for answer)… it destroyed me, I am open to the possibility that the part of me who did that was doing the best he could. I am open to the possibility of understanding him somehow.

I asked him to tune into his feelings now, he felt not so angry but upset with the fact that so many years of his life have gone into managing this situation, going from one doctor to another, getting some success, falling back, constantly struggling. He wanted to be free and enjoy a good meal and laugh instead of having to micromanage his body.

I invited him to just acknowledge how hard this has been

Even though I have these problems with food, and I have had to try and manage things and manage these problems I love and accept myself with kindness and compassion.

I acknowledge how difficult this has been, it has been really hard for me, it has been hard, its really hurt, there’s been so much trauma, so much pain, I honour these young parts of me, the must have felt… (I asked how they might have felt)… so lonely, frightening alienated.

I acknowledge how hard I have been on myself, I choose to be kinder to myself, I hold myself in kindness and compassion.

He realised how hard he has been on himself.

Even though I have been hard on myself, I wanted results, I wanted my body to be fixed and to heal itself fast, I wanted it to be done fast and my body has been through alot, it needs time and space and kindness and compassion. Right now I am opening the doors for healing, its time for things to change, its time to bring healing to these parts. There are some parts that need healing with kindness, compassion and patience. I am ready to allow something to change, I give myself permission to take all the time it needs, I allow all parts of me the time and space to heal, I can let these feelings flow and let it go in the timing thats right for me.

I asked him to tune into this and his response to this and any possible conflict that might be present. He felt there was a part that was really keen to let go and shower himself with kindness but there was a part that was very stubborn, the punisher, like a taskmaster that said. “No, you can’t do this.”

I asked him now to take the part who was willing to be compassionate and to help him communicate with the taskmaster part. I told him that I need all these parts to know that I know they were doing the best they could, they were trying to protect themselves, and were stuck in a pattern and that I also understood they might not trust me right now but I was also doing the best I could to help my client and them.

He realised this came from being a child, his parents left from India and left him at home for 2 months at home with his grandmother. There were people around but his safety was gone, he felt threatened by this. Later his mother went through many operations and went missing from his life by being in hospital, so there was alot of stress and separation continually. It felt like there was no security or safety, thats why he has needed so many watchers. He would keep talking to himself to calm himself down. (Separation from the mother in early childhood is a common trigger for dissociation.)

I asked him to be aware if his baby self felt safe with his mother and he was initially, but when they left it broke his trust and he couldn’t express his anger, and also felt guilty for this. When his mother got sick the anger increased and also anger towards his father. He couldn’t handle these emotions he became rebellious and seemed self destructive. He had no remembrance of clarity of why he was so angry.

I asked him to get in touch with the little boy who was left at home when he was 3. He could picture himself in his parents room, very confused, what has happened, where have they gone? What have I done?

Even though my three year old feels confused bad and guilty, I love and accept my young self without judgement.

Even though I am three and feel so guilty and bad its time for this heal.

Even though you’re three and you feel so bad and guilty and confused, I want you to know its not your fault, there is nothing wrong with you, you’re just a little boy… it’s time for this to heal.

Tuning into his little boy now he still looked angry. I asked him to let this little boy know we wanted to help him. He was not happy we were there to help at all.

I know you don’t trust us, I know your feeling angry, I accept you, I take your feelings seriously, (he still doesn’t believe me)… I know you don’t believe me, I know you don’t trust me, I understand how angry you are feeling right now, and you don’t know who I am, I am willing to give you some time, what do you need to feel better, what do you need from me? I take you seriously, even though no one understood what you were going through, I do understand, and I am with you now. I know how painful it was for you, I take your feelings seriously. Someone should have helped you then, nobody did, but I am here to help you now.

V now felt there was a part of him that was resisting this experience. It was angry with him for doing this process and angry with me for leading him through this process. A part that doesn’t want change.

I asked that part to talk to me and tell me how it was feeling. He said it was a violent abusive part who is angry and doesn’t trust women and thinks women will inflict pain of some sort. He sensed it was all coming from this child.

I acknowledged that I as a woman might not be helping. I told him that I understood he would be angry, his mum left him, that wasn’t fair, every time she left, he didn’t know if she would come back, it made perfect sense to me.

My client was able to see this angry part that was angry, didn’t like me and was resisting this process. I asked him how he felt about this part. He felt he had made peace that he had a part but up until now was afraid of the power of it and what it could do. Now he realised it was just a part that has been through trauma, is begging for help, but can’t accept help when it comes.

I assured him I understood this. He said it all came from a sense of detachment and from this has come guilt, anger and rage. This part grew into becoming rebellious and mistrustful, but I mentioned that this was just like any other child trying to get his needs met.

The child wants the love, wants the acceptance but also wants to prove a point.

I explained that when a child is trying to get our needs met, and the parent is frightened and feels unsafe, this does not bring security to the child. Similarly for us if we are afraid of our own parts, this does not bring safety to us. If my client felt afraid of this part of himself the part would feel unsafe.

It felt a very big move forward for my client to accept this parts existence and influence with any kind of compassion.

I spoke directly to the part here. I told him that I had not been through his experience, had not been through what he had been through but I did know he was doing the best he could. We weren’t here to fight or judge or force, we were interested in understanding it.

My client asked me what did I think his part need, it was asking for something. He felt the child had a passion, his passion was to be creative and he felt trapped.

I suggested that he did what many of my clients do when they meet these parts, allow them to do something the child part would enjoy. Agree to do something the child part would enjoy.

He realised the child part would love to paint, bicycle.

I encouraged my client to be aware of his parts presence and fill its needs when possible.

He realised his part didn’t want to be here, in Goa, he hated his fathers business and had never wanted to work for his father.

Even though this part of me doesn’t want to be here, and hates working for my father, I want this part to know that I want to be get out of here too, I am not comfortable, but there are better ways to deal with these feelings.

Even though you’re angry because you don’t want to be here, I want you to know I do understand and I do want to make change, I want change too and if all my parts can work together, we can change things, we can all work for the same purpose.

He understood now his child self never wanted to work for his father. He realised he had taken on the role of victim and created this situation where he couldn’t leave and he ended up feeling secure with his father, becoming dependant, like an addiction. This part was angry because of this,

I encouraged him to communicate to this part and say, “I am sorry, you didn’t want to work with dad, and thats what I am doing now, I am sorry, forgive me”

His little boy self looked alot happier and more relaxed.

I encouraged him to let this part of himself communicate his feelings, to give him permission to express himself, to tap on whatever feelings come up. He realised he was now expressing things to himself that he never had done before. He realised that coming out of the office today his soldiers would be fighting and he was saying to himself, “I hate this, I hate working here.” He realised this was the part of him expressing itself. I encouraged him to tap on whatever feelings were coming up, as his parts express himself, “I hate working here etc.”

At this point he realised I understood his experience of dissociation, that he had parts of himself which felt and behaved seperately to the others and were in conflict with each other and also with him and his adult decisions, such as being married and working for his father and was grateful to talk with someone who understood this situation.

He realised he had come to a place of insight and he was learning to allow his parts to express themselves, he didn’t know what these parts were at first, he had felt possessed at one point, hearing voices, feeling like he was going insane. However he started looking for solutions, outside his comfort zone and realised he had dissociated parts through all his research. Only recently had he got to the place where he could face his parts or even admit to their existence but there were some he didn’t not want to meet. He realised there were just parts not the whole of him, but sometimes it feels like the whole of him when they took over.

He felt like something shattered and each part took a life of its own, and they all went on their own way, but all part of the same energy system. It works great as a survival system when you need it but was a disorder now, and it was backfiring. However he had found EFT to be of great benefit in reducing the overall feelings of stress and could now see how applying EFT in this way can ease the internal communication and be used to specifically heal the parts that were still hurting, who did not realise that the trauma was over.

I encouraged him to be patient with these parts and give them the time and space to express their hurt and pain.

Now he understood he has to be brave enough and courageous enough to hear what his parts need to say. I encouraged him to be aware of his own feelings about the fact that his parts need to communicate and use EFT for any fear or discomfort this brings, creating a safe place in his mind to meet these parts. We can acknowledge the feelings of our parts, sometimes they disagree with us so much and the decisions we make, and we can allow these parts to express their feelings WHILE we tap. However we can communicate with them and help them to see that we have more resources now and things can be done differently.

I got an email after this session:

“Just to let you know that I’m grateful for the session we had and the insights you gave me. I used the watcher and the soldiers and was able to see the internal structure that existed. That along with other things I coupled and the grace that I received led me to one of the most if not the most sacred moment in my life … the encountering of my self and the truth set me free.

For years I had been so ANGRY with my SELF and I hated myself for I had so many false beliefs about me. From that deep hatred for me came my deep hatred for my parents, my family, my world really and I used shame and blame. Gillian, it was such a truly blessed moment to come to, to see my “self” that I was avoiding and shift that final stone. I cannot explain it… I can only say what it felt like and even that is pale. I am a new person today. I feel different. Like I’ve never felt before. A certain freedom.

With much gratitude and love,
V”

Gillian Wightman
www.eastneuktherapies.co.uk