Editors Note: This article is Part 3 in a series, sharing how persistent and systematic EFT can help heal the physical and emotional effects of war trauma. For a deeper understanding of the history of Cynthia’s work with Anna-Lena, you may wish to begin by reading Part 2: Anna-Lena and The Knife Attack and Part 1: Anna-Lena and These Russian Tanks in My Neck.

Session 3

Anna-Lena reported that the previous sessions were definitely positive for her. Her moral is better (less pessimistic), but the last few days she had begun having big problems with pain in the neck moving upwards to the back of the head, getting worse under stress and feeling, “like swords lancing into my head.” She feels unstable, a kind of a staggering feeling. She was also having some problems with her vision and hearing.

When I asked for the symptoms, she brought up that she had a terrible accident with her electric bicycle about 2 years before, flying over her bicycle and landing in a ditch with her head first. It turned out that a barrier tape had been removed by whomever, so the ditch could not be seen. She lay in intensive care unconsciously for two days. They told her that her brain had been injured, and afterwards she needed to have rehabilitation measures. Anna-Lena reported that her condition had improved somewhat since, but sometimes she still had problems and discomforts which she would attribute to the accident. She stated: “It is as though the shock (of the Knife Attack) brings this all up again.“

I preframed with her that it is very likely that her body shows up a new item which it wants her to deal with, and that all these experiences (Knife Attack, Tanks from Behind, this accident) have been stuck in her neck and head area. In fact, all the symptoms she related to in the beginning of this current session could be connected to this accident. I pointed out that addressing and releasing all aspects of the accident will very likely be critical for relieving the described symptoms.

I also pointed out that we still wanted to check whether there were “loose ends“ of the “Russian Tanks“ or the “Knife Attack.” She wanted to test imagining taking the subway or returning to that same subway station in the future.

I then checked the list of known symptoms from the previous sessions and it turned out that her sleeping quality had greatly improved: While she had woken up 3-4 times at night before our first session – having nightmares, being cramped and stiff – this was only happening once a night now. She also reported that when she did wake up, she would find herself pressing her head into the pillow, being stiff in particular on the left side. She stated her sleeping quality was 9 out of 10 now (very good). She also had discontinued sleeping pills.

This shows how important it is to test back regularly and ask frequently for previously reported symptoms.

An Unplanned Test

She describes how she happened to see some Russian tanks on TV. Her spontaneous reaction was to turn it off. She did have an intensity level of 3-4. I remember that her intensity was down to 0 at the end of the second session. This tells me that there must be something else in the past she wants to protect herself from – another aspect – which we can address when the time is right.

Physical Symptoms

Shoulder pain: 5
Neck pain: 8
Back of the head: 9, round spot, size of palm of her hand; currently no lancing pain but pressure, color: brown, connected feeling: danger.

The Session Unfolds

Starting with the Setup phrase and speaking of “this brown danger“ I started seeing little brown figures before my inner eyes – in uniforms associated with Nazis. Following my intuition, I mentioned this in a humorous way like: “Isn’t that funny? I see little brown uniformed figures before my inner eye and think about Nazis. Can you imagine?“

Continuing to let her in on my intuition, I began speaking and tapping:

This brown danger…all these old memories in my muscles and cells…

Within seconds Anna-Lena burst out into tears and we tap, tap, tapped… After a while I asked her what had come up, and she came out with the story about when her father was forcibly torn out of the house by the Nazis early one morning without any previous warning. She remembered him resisting vividly but having no chance. They forced him to work as a medic in military hospitals. Her father was a man of peace and a doctor, and did not want to join the war. This particular incident happened when she was a very little child (3-4 years old). She didn’t remember every detail of the situation, but she watched when the Nazis came to take him. The pain of this early loss burst out again and again, and it took some time to deal with the intense feelings. She began crying and sobbing desperately, all the feelings of this little child being fully present:

“Vati (synonym for Daddy)… I need you so much!… all this pain… Vati!!… all this helplessness… all these feelings… Vati!!… all this pain…“

Anna-Lena also reported that there had been a constant atmosphere of fear at home. They listened to BBC regularly and had to be very careful. They were in constant fear of being trapped or denounced.

Soon we addressed several aspects which were connected to this event:

I am responsible for the family… for my mother… for my little sister… I couldn’t do a thing about it… I am safe now… and my little Anna-Lena too… I don’t have to be responsible any more… I’m safe now… no more Nazis… my poor Vati… my poor Vati… he didn’t want to go there… I choose to know, that he didn’t want to leave me alone… that he didn’t want to leave my mother and my little sister alone… that he was with us always… in his thoughts… with all his good wishes… with all his love… always with us…

Even though Vati was challenged by his fate… I choose to know that all he achieved was passed down to me… his spirit of freedom and respect… and love for mankind… and I choose to know… that he did his best at the places he was placed… to keep up and live… this spirit… and that he did his best… to help men… because this is… what a good doctor does…

This overwhelming sadness… this endless sadness… (at least 3 rounds)… I take my little Anna-Lena into my arms and comfort her… and cradle her… yes… that’s what you needed then… my little Anna-Lena… no wonder you were sad… I understand this so clearly… me, the adult Anna-Lena… and I take my hat off to you… for all the power you found as a little girl…

Anna-Lena reports that she could always find this power and that others confirm how powerful she always has been in spite of everything that has happened… Working through the aspects, the charge on helplessness sank from 7 to 3, and sadness went to a 0. And then Anna-Lena said:

“A feeling of thankfulness and inner peace prevails… the inner connection remains… like a sun, which shines above all… inner power.“

She stated that her inner power had risen from 8 to 10 and added: “I receive it now. I welcome it with open arms.“

Then she reported that during the process of tapping, the back of her head started to get a bit warm and a feeling extended “as if a mountain would crumble… and permanently trickling like water pearls…“

We continued working with the crumbling and brought the former 9 (pressure on the back of the head) down to a 2, due to my persistent, “Let’s give this another try!“ But time was at end, and Anna-Lena wanted a break in spite of the remaining pressure. So I finished with a tapping phrase around being open to all the remaining pearls trickling downwards and releasing the pressure in the back of her head, and we finished for this session.

“What we’ve done today was critical,“ Anna-Lena stated when she left. “I feel deeply thankful to my father and have a stronger connection to my inner power.“

Feedback 3 weeks Later:

Anna-Lena reports that she had a 1-week-period of feeling deeply tired and exhausted after the last session: “I’ve never been so tired in my life before…” She even had someone come cook for her.

I said that it’s obvious that a lot of tensions have dissolved, and by this has made room for a huge relaxation. After releasing tension that had been going on for so long, no wonder the body needed to reorganize.

Head condition is now “definitely better.” She reported that after the tiredness had disappeared the lancing pain on the back of her head had also disappeared and since then never come back. Neck discomfort has reduced – but pain still comes back, especially in the evenings when she gets tired – a result of arthrosis (as her doctors told her) due to the bicycle accident.

Seeing and listening qualities have gradually improved since then. While staggering hasn’t improved, she explained that this may be due to possible heart valve problem.

First she claims that her sleeping quality was fairly the same but after asking it turns out that she has no more nightmares at all, only wakes up once at night to go to the bathroom and has no more tensions in her neck and no more head pressing backwards into the pillow.

More Aspects

She also reports that from time to time pictures are coming up which have to do with danger from the behind, “but the fear is not that big anymore.“ It then turns out that she has found another aspect belonging to the Knife Attack: “The moment I hear the click of the knife opening on my left ear…” We had addressed her attackers voice speaking to her already before but this detail was not in her awareness then. And there still is a more global feeling of “this moment you realize that somebody is after you.” She also states that this feeling doesn’t belong to the Knife Attack but to some older incident(s).

I point out that I suspect further progress is possible for her, especially by addressing her bicycle accident, along with any remaining aspects of the Knife Attack incident.

At the moment Anna-Lena doesn’t want “another period of tiredness to recur“ so she will wait for another session to address the remaining aspects. She also made good progress using EFT on her own.

I asked Anna-Lena to read through my report and to give her own opinion on her experiences with EFT, she sent to me her “final evaluation“ some weeks later:

Final Evaluation

“After having practiced the Emotional Freedom Technique for some time, I can truly say that it is a very effective technique. During my life I have been in therapy for longer periods several times. Therefore I feel that this very positive judgment is not given lightly. In a relatively short time my mood and feelings changed. Every time I practiced this technique my experience was that it helped a lot and gave me more and more confidence and motivation.

What I particularly like about this technique is that I can practice it whenever I want and wherever I want on practically every issue. Once you have learned the acupuncture trigger points you are no longer therapist-dependent. I appreciate this independence a lot. I am grateful Mrs. Doll was recommended to me. She guided me through the procedures with admirable intuition and attention.

I am very, very grateful to her and to Gary Craig who so generously put it out into the world. Anna-Lena, Netherlands“

Cynthia Doll specializes in EFT for trauma from her private practice in Maintal (near Frankfurt), Germany.

My client contacted me because she had become stuck working through a particular memory and the therapist she had been working with felt unable to work with her and that it might be better to work with someone more experienced.

The feeling she was left with was that her emotions about this event were “too much”. Therefore she did approach this session with a degree of skepticism that EFT really could help this very intense memory and emotion, but she was also very desperate for help and in her words “ripe” to work with the memory.

She was very aware of her memory. As a very young child her mother, whom she recognized to be seriously emotionally disturbed, tried to kill her. She reported memories when a black darkness came over her mother’s face and it looking as if something evil had come over her.

I began by asking her what it would mean to her to have freedom from this memory. She answered it would mean she could breathe. I then asked “If you could breathe what would that mean?” She started to cry and she said “I can live.”

I instructed her to keep tapping as she was quite intense at this point and evidently tuned into the feelings. She calmed down and I gently asked her to check her beliefs about living.

“I want to live” felt to be about a “5″, halfway between true and false. “I deserve to live” felt a “0″, not true at all. “I am allowed to live” felt a “0″ and once again she was very upset.

“How can I be allowed to live when my mother wanted me dead?” Again I instructed her to keep tapping as I repeated:

That happened, and it’s over, I survived, that was then, this is now, it’s not happening now. My body remembers a feeling and feelings can change and I choose to allow myself to transform that feeling somehow.

This allowed her to calm down again.

She started to tell me about a memory where her mother put her pillow over her face and she could see this event in the third person with her little hand scrabbling over the edge of the pillow. This is how she had been tapping on this memory trying to disengage from it but with no success. However as she talked she got more and more intense.

I decided to use one of my favourite metaphorical techniques to take her a few steps further back from this very distressing memory and invited her to imagine a box or a basket in which to put this particular “Mother tried to kill me” memory.

She imagined a wicker basket floating in a river. For both of us the idea of Moses in the basket on the Nile came to mind. From now on all the tapping phrases follow the path of this visualisation where my client’s subconscious mind now took over.

Even though this basket is floating down the river, someone may discover it I accept myself and all my feelings.
Even though the sky is black and the moon is shining on the basket…
Even though the sky is red, the sun is coming up; it’s a new day….
Even though the basket is not moving, it can’t go forward it can’t go back…
Even though I don’t want to leave my mother but how can I stay?
Even though part of me wants to stay and part of me can’t stay it’s too dangerous…
Even though I can’t go forward and can’t go back, this is an impossible situation, part of me really loves and needs my mother and part of me is so afraid of her, I need a miracle right now, there is no solution to this problem, I can’t leave, can’t go, what if there is a third way?.
What if I can go up, I wonder if I can go up, how will I go up? The answer from the client was, Perhaps God can help me, that’s what I need now, only a miracle can help me

She reported a sharp stab of anxiety at this in her solar plexus. I asked her to place her hand on it and be aware of its shape and colour – a clear orange segment-shaped piece of glass. What was this piece of glass trying to say? She answered that if my mother didn’t want me God might not want me either. This felt very true.

Even though my mother didn’t want me, she tried to kill me, I wasn’t good enough, what if God doesn’t want me either I choose to know the truth is…

(I just leave this as an open ended question to allow the client to bring up a reframe rather than making the mistake of pushing my own reframe during a vulnerable moment which can be intrusive and unacceptable)

The truth is my mother isn’t like God, my mother wasn’t God, my mother was sick, God can help me!
Even though the basket is rocking, something is trying to get out, I see a little hand coming out of the basket. Again tears and strong emotion which subsided as we kept tapping.
Even though that little hand is coming out of the basket, that brave little hand, reaching out for help, I really appreciate that little hand, that hand helped me survive…

There was a moment here of appreciation for this little girl who did survive the situation and had what it took to do so.

She said she could now see into the basket and the baby was grinning and reaching to be lifted up but she couldn’t lift up the baby…

Even though I am scared to pick up that baby, what if I can’t look after it, what if I hurt that baby, what if I am like my mother and won’t even know it until I have a baby, what if that evil is residing in me and this baby brings it out.

We did a lot of tapping around this fear and belief she had this blackness just like her mother. There was a deep sigh as she realised she was not like her mother and did not have this blackness. She then said “I need to visit this memory now, I need to help my mother, can I tap for my mother.”

I asked her how she would like to do this and she wanted to tap for her mother when she was asleep before the darkness came, as often she would awake from sleep and be in this black place. I asked her to imagine being outside the door. She was aware of her small child self being relaxed and keen but she was less so, as if the child trusted her more than she did.

Even though I am afraid to go into the room, what if there is nothing I can do to help?

She imagined entering the room and seeing her mother there lying asleep. Immediately strong feelings of compassion came up. We tapped as she spoke about the fact her mother had been under intense stress, so many difficulties for her, with no support at all. She imagined tapping on her mother, acknowledging all this pain and suffering her mother had been through and bringing her peace now. She felt deeply honoured to be able to do this and it felt very good for her.

After she had some time to absorb this peace and sense of forgiveness I then asked her to go back and imagine the baby in the basket. The baby was still smiling but there was a snake in the basket:

Even though there is a snake, a black and yellow snake, ready to strike, I can’t pick up the baby, the snake will attack me, I can’t help this baby it’s too dangerous.

She then reported the snake looking more relaxed and less ready to attack. I asked her to be aware of the purpose of this snake in the basket. She said it was part of her always ready to defend against good or evil, always on the attack, a very destructive part.

We talked a little of the function of the nervous system and how we need to be able to be ready for action when necessary so having a snake would not be a bad thing, but this snake did need time off.

Even though this snake has been on guard 24 hours a day trying to protect me, of course I needed a snake, I was a vulnerable baby with no protection, I really appreciate this snake. It has been keeping me safe, I choose for this snake part of me to know that I am an adult now, I have more resources, I can trust myself to know when I am safe or in danger and act appropriately.

This felt very good for her and she imagined allowing this baby part of her to nestle in her heart while the snake hovered above her heart available to protect her if necessary. She reported her breathing was much improved. I went back to her original limiting beliefs and retested and the statement, “I want to live,” was a full 10 now.
The other statements both felt about an 8 but she realised she needed to do some further work and felt more than able to now tap on specific parts of this memory as the memory was now not causing much distress at all.

I left with the agreement that we could work together again if she felt she was still stuck but I felt confident she did have the skills needed to deal with this effectively now we were past the most intense buried fears.

I received an email a few days later from her:

“I had the hardest time remembering much about the whole scenario. Like it was so far away and I couldn’t really get a hold of it, it just kept floating away, so that was wonderful. I had had 2 really hard weeks before I talked with you and suddenly I was just so light and just couldn’t remember all that stuff.

When I checked in today, I was a 10 on “I want to live” and “I deserve to live” but still only an 8 on “I am allowed to live”. So I did some more EFT on it and it suddenly struck me that I am totally allowed to live – otherwise I would have died back then! If I hadn’t been allowed to live, I wouldn’t have come back, I would have died! But I didn’t die – so clearly I am supposed to live; I am allowed to live. All that writing on my wall, as Gary says, is totally wrong. And now, I am a 10 on “I am allowed to live” as well. So, I’ll keep checking in and see how I am doing with that.
A funny coincidence is that this week I received my immigrant visa to Canada – it has been a 6.5 year process to become a permanent resident of Canada – and this was the week that I received my right to immigrate to Canada. A new start in a new country, where I am allowed to live.”

When I sent her this case study for approval her response was it felt like reading a sad story, but it wasn’t about her.

Hugs, Gillian

Can our very early existence, the time before we remember, influence our whole life? There seems to be no doubt about this in both the scientific and therapeutic communities anymore.

While I am always focused on the inner child or the young self when I am working on childhood trauma with EFT, I recently realized that I am very much tuned in to the baby self. It is absolutely amazing how alive these inner babies are – how this very early time can influence a whole life, and how EFT can heal a bad start into life in a profound way. I believe that inner child work always should include inner baby work.

Issues and experiences around conception, pregnancy, birth, and infancy have tremendous impact on our emotional wellbeing. If there was a disconnection from the mother, it almost always started right in the beginning. Of course, there are usually no conscious memories, but there are always powerful emotions – often triggered by the things our parents told us, or circumstances that might come to light later in life. For example, I had two clients who experienced intense sadness and pain about losing their twin before birth – and they did not even know for the longest time that this twin had existed.

Conception issues are not so much sexual (although they can be), but rather they are circumstances around that moment in time. For example, the conception being a “mistake”, illness of the mother, or physical absence of the father. In my experience, the two most painful and far-reaching issues are: “I was not wanted,” and “I was just a girl, they really wanted a boy.” The knowledge or just the inner knowing (parents don’t always tell us directly) of not being wanted, for whatever reason, always brings up intense emotional pain and the belief that there is something profoundly wrong with us.

Even though my mother thought of abortion when she was pregnant with me and that makes me feel devastated in the pit of my stomach…

Even though I was the 6th child that my father forced on my mother, and she just did her catholic duty, and that makes me feel sad and angry…

Being of the “wrong” gender is not really a gender issue. It installs a self-destructive belief system in a girl that often taints her whole life:

Even though I am worthless, and I should not exist…

Even though I am never good enough, whatever I do…

Even though I was a mistake, I was not supposed to be here, and I still don’t know what I am doing here…

Moving on to pregnancy and birth, we deal with specific shocking experiences, like dangerous health complications, a death in the family, or left behind in an incubator. Often, the physical and/or emotional separation from the mother happens right after birth. It is always perceived as heartbreaking abandonment by the mother even if there were rational reasons for it.

Then we spend loving, caring time with “Baby Marie”, “Baby Anna”, or “Baby Paul” (not real names). That is where the pain, and the hurt, and the desperation, and the anger often come to a peak. Intense loneliness, feeling powerless, hopeless, and a deep yearning for being held and touched are big issues.

I believe that it is important to give these babies a voice that they did not have when they were actually going through the experience. Once they are allowed to speak their truth through the now adult self, they are ready to be comforted and healed by this adult self. It is heartbreaking to see how little it actually takes to make a baby happy! And it is wondrous to experience how differentiated baby feelings can be. We don’t just want to be a “good” little girl or boy to please our mothers, we often start out by wanting to be a good baby.

Sometimes I use a little guided imagery to connect to a specific visual and emotional “snapshot” of the baby, and then we tap on every detail that comes up:

Even though nobody touches Baby Marie, and she feels desperately lonely in her crib, I am treating this baby with kindness and compassion.

Even though nobody even looks at Baby Anna, and nobody picks her up when she is left alone in the bedroom, I give this baby all the attention she needs.

Even though Baby Paul’s mother yelled at him in the kitchen when he was hungry and crying, I feed this baby with all my love now.

Just one session of EFT (not always tearless) focused on the inner baby can make a big difference. Usually it is not as dramatic as it was with “Kathy”: After just one session spent with her baby self, she felt great, lost the 10 lbs she always wanted to lose, and found the love of her life. However, most clients feel relief when the baby self has been acknowledged in a loving way and the adult self is ready to support this tender part with love and compassion.

Sometimes, there is a spiritual aspect to this work, and I love it when that comes up: Some people have a strong feeling of the radiance, beauty, joy, and unconditional love they experienced before their incarnation. If they find themselves in an environment that is loveless or even hostile, they go through intense, very painful feelings of being trapped in the womb, of fear and regret about coming into the physical world. They don’t feel safe no matter what, and a part of them is never “here”. When I ask them if they feel homesick, they are usually relieved to have found the right word for these strange feelings.

If we are spiritual beings having a physical experience, we should pay special attention to the transition into this world. EFT can put things right where they once went wrong.

My friend, Theresa (not her real name) needed a session. She had been feeling “down” and “off in a box” at her job. While she acknowledged that she had created a wonderful opportunity for herself at her current job, she lately found herself feeling trapped, decidedly “off her path” and unable to market herself in her chosen field.

Before we did any tapping, she talked about all the feelings her work life was triggering in her: overwhelm, confusion, frustration, fear of starting anything, and fear of stepping out and pursuing her dream. She was very upset, and I was briefly concerned that we might go around and around without ever finding some resolution and healing in the time that we had together. In retrospect, I was clearly “in my own way” from the beginning!

After listening to her express her frustrations, I gently offered a direction for our session. I was keenly aware that we only had about half an hour to see what would happen, and I had it in my head that we could potentially work on the energy of fear that seemed to overwhelm her so much. I usually avoid interrupting people and making observations, but I felt I was on a roll:

“Excuse me for interrupting you, but it sounds like there is a lot of fear. You don’t have to tell me what the fear is about — unless you need to.”

She responded quite strongly that she was stuck in confusion – not fear. I finally took this as my cue to remember to step back and let her express as much as she needed to in her own time. It wasn’t easy at first, because I was just so sure I knew a good doorway for us. I remembered my role as witness, and quietly waited while she reconnected with what she had been going through.

No sooner had I stepped back when a crystal clear path began to naturally unfold. She said, quite suddenly and unequivocally:

“I’m never going to come together. I’m never going to get out of this place. I’m an eternal student. I’ll never master anything. I may have done it once, but I feel overwhelmed. I feel like a little girl. It’s too big. There are too many steps…”

Jade: “What do these feelings remind you of? Do you remember feeling this way before?”

While doing a continuous tapping, she said she remembered feeling that way about homework as a young girl. She remembered being seven years old and living with her mother who, in her words, could be “angry and terrifying.” Theresa’s survival strategy had always been to make herself small and retreat. Because her mom’s “rage fits” were so terrifying, she often felt like she could not ask for help and had to (in her words) “be perfect right out of the box — fully formed at all times” to avoid her mother’s anger. As she tapped, she spoke her truth as she recalled it:

“I feel completely insufficient. Something is deeply wrong with me. What the fuck was I going to do? This is the end of the world. I remember having to trace a continent or something. It seemed impossible. I saw all these steps — cities and rivers, running together… I freaked out… I thought I had to be perfect… I had a meltdown right there… panic… this deep welling up — everything went white and dissolved into nothingness. I couldn’t ask for help. There was no one to help me. My life was over. I’ve failed third grade. There is and was no way out. It never occurred to me to ask for help. I felt I had no options.”

Jade: And you were living with someone terrifying?

Theresa: (laughs) Yes. I felt like I was always supposed to know. I couldn’t learn like other people. I had to just know. I felt it was over for me, like, “It’s over for you. It’s over for you.”

Jade: (offering tapping on the Karate Chop point) “Even though it’s over for you…”

Theresa: (repeats several times) It’s over for you. I think my mom eventually did ask me what was wrong and helped me, but it was horrible.

At this point, I consciously made what I call a strong visual offer (a la Inner Theater or Matrix Reimprinting): I asked Theresa if she saw the little girl in her mind’s eye. She indicated that she did — that she saw her sitting at her little desk — blond bangs and glasses.

As we talked and tapped, I asked Theresa how the little girl was feeling and how she felt about seeing the little girl struggling so much. Next, I asked if the little girl saw her watching her. I then spontaneously spoke for Theresa and she repeated:

“Hi, I see you’re going through a lot. I’m coming back in time to help you. You’ll be helping me too.”

I asked how the little girl responded, and Theresa indicated that the little girl was curious about her. Would she like to follow along with a tapping game? There was then a gentle back and forth where the little girl spoke her truth in that moment, including “I can’t do this, I don’t know how to do this, I’m not good at this.” After a round of sticking with the little girl’s negative feelings, I threw in some positive reframing language that Theresa enthusiastically picked up:

“I can learn how to do this. I’m learning right now. Everybody’s got to start somewhere.”

By the third round, Theresa indicated that the little girl was ready to go to her grandmother’s house and roll around. She also noticed that there was a big smile on the little girl’s face!

Theresa’s voice carried an audible lightness as this point, indicating to me that she was clearly at a good place to end our session. It was perfect timing — because her friend had just arrived at the door.

I received this email from Theresa the next day:

“I can only describe our session as a lyrical, gentle journey to a surprising place.; defining the core feeling, and ending up in a past event which, in hindsight, I’d always remembered clearly, but had always disregarded as kind of a “nothing” event. A small player. Well, who knew? Ahem, most definitely not my conscious wiley-mind – which can apparently drive by discomfort sooo smoothly — I don’t even see it there, on the side of the road, with it’s thumb out…

When we hung up, I can absolutely say that where there had been dispiritedness and a fair measure of panic around the topic, I instead felt my heart warm, and my spirit glow-ey. And my funnybone back! Ah, now that’s success.

Today, 20 degree weather aside, I remain warm, light of heart, and in a really excellent focused and creative flow. I’m having a great day, for no reason. The best kind. And – I actually look forward to doing a bit more with this one. Imagine, wanting to ‘go there’!

Thank you. I needed to hear myself try to rationalize how I was feeling.

When I was writing this article, I thought it was going to be about the power of following feelings back in time: “What does this remind you of?” However, I think the real crux of the story is about how I was essentially asked to get the heck out of the way of what she needed to express. I’m thankful I recognized the need to shift gears, because not only was I rewarded with valuable information, but I was given the opportunity to trust her process. Conversely, I think my playing the role of director actually provided the impetus for her to step more confidently into her own power in that moment: When she asserted her feelings and I stepped aside and accepted her need to talk, that was when our true rapport kicked in and the healing doorways opened.

Jade Barbee
www.EmotionalEngine.com

I’ve known for some time that as a result of being raised by a controlling and very needy person who expected me and my siblings to make her happy, that I do not feel safe at all in this world. To try to understand it better and kick start some specific issues to tap on, I started reading Deborah King’s book Truth Heals. The first chapter deals with the root chakra, which gives us our sense of safety and security. Two things clicked with me – the feeling of powerlessness I felt growing up, and the subject of eating disorders. I probably don’t really have a diagnosable eating disorder, but I definitely have an unhealthy relationship with food.

I started tapping on the powerlessness by inviting the first occasion that came to mind that illustrated it. I was about 10 years old and my grandmother had made an outfit for me to wear on a school field trip. I was very excited about the trip and wearing my new clothes. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my mother, however. She immediately told me that I couldn’t wear the outfit. I asked why and she had no answer beyond, “Because I said you couldn’t.” I made a second attempt the next day in my most unassuming and respectful attitude, but it failed. I was crushed. As my 10 year old self, I tapped:

Even though she wouldn’t let me wear the new outfit and didn’t have any reason besides not wanting her mother to usurp her authority (even at 10 I knew what was going on), I deeply and profoundly love and forgive everyone involved, with compassion.

I wanted to wear that outfit so badly

My grandmother made it for me so I could wear it that day

There was no reason I couldn’t wear it

It was just her power trip

She needed to be in control of everything, even what her children wore

She couldn’t let her mother have any say in her family’s life

She even hurt me to have that control

Control was everything to her

She didn’t care about me-only about having things her way

I’m crushed

It’s so unfair

I feel so powerless and hopeless

I went on in this vein until things stopped coming to mind, then I tapped on asking my body to release the feeling of powerlessness. I learned this method from Lindsay Kenney’s website. She says that sometimes our bodies just need to be given permission, or asked directly to let go of something; sometimes they just don’t understand unless you ask directly. I’ve found that this helps me release particularly stubborn or long-term issues, so I tapped:

Even though I feel this powerlessness and hopelessness, I ask my body to completely release it now.

At each point I said:

I now ask my body to completely release this powerlessness and hopelessness.

Next I moved on to the eating disorder. Eating disorders are all about control. Food becomes the only thing we can control about our lives sometimes, so we put our energy into saying what can go into our mouths, how much, and when. I have a fair amount of self discipline, so I haven’t become unhealthy or overweight, but I do use food for comfort and as a reward. Once again, I allowed the first thing related to food in my childhood to come to mind and I tapped on it. It was an incident when I was a pre-teen in which I asked my mother if I could cook scrambled eggs for the whole family because I didn’t want to eat fried eggs. She always made fried eggs, but they made me sick because the yolks were runny. I was trying to figure out how to get eggs I could eat without making it more difficult for her. I came up with the perfect solution – I would cook the eggs myself. I thought it was brilliant. I didn’t think there was any way she could refuse, but refuse she did, again with no reason beyond, “Because I said so.” I began tapping:

Even though she made me eat eggs that made me sick because it was more important to her that she tell us what we could do than it was that we be happy and healthy and she couldn’t accept that she may have been doing something that made me sick without knowing it, I deeply and profoundly love, accept, and forgive everyone involved, with compassion.

All I wanted was not to be sick

All I wanted was scrambled eggs

I was so discouraged when she said no

I felt so helpless

So crushed

So deflated

So unimportant

I even had the perfect solution

And then things started to fall into place. I realized that I believed that no matter how smart I was, how clever, how respectful, someone else always had the power to tell me what I could and could not do. I connected how the eating disorder and my general feelings of powerlessness were related.

But she still said no

No matter what I do, even if I have the perfect solution, I still can’t have things the way I need them

She always has the power

I never have the power

She took the power

She won’t give me any power

Others always have the power

They take it

Then I felt myself turning towards realizing that I had power also and that all I had to do was claim it.

So I could take it, too

I could claim power for myself

I deserve that

Everyone deserves to have the power to say what happens in their own life

And I like the person I am now who is claiming my power (completely winging it here-I was surprised to hear this come up, but I just went with it)

I like how compassionate I am in exercising my power

Next I tapped on asking my body to release “no matter now smart, clever, respectful I am, someone else will always have the power” by saying that phrase three times at the collarbone point as an “even though” statement, then at each point.

I feel more at peace now and much less inclined to react with anxiety when I feel things slip out of my control. I also find that I don’t think about food so much and don’t need it as a reward for accomplishments. I have a better connection with the authentic me – a growing sense and an increasing unshakable knowing of my divinity.

Arinda Davis discovered EFT over two years ago and has been practicing it on herself ever since, with profound healing results – particularly around early childhood emotional pain.

In the fall of this year I went on a trip to Germany to spend time with my 40-year old son Ben (not his real name) and my two grandchildren. I specifically planned this trip because I know that it is important for us to share who we become as we live our lives far apart. Ben and I have a complicated and distant relationship that needs lots of attention and nurturing.

I’m happy to say that I was able to move on from my dysfunctional earlier life and have become a successful therapist and a much more balanced person. In the course of the emotional recovery from an abusive family of origin and the progression of my professional life as a hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner I was fortunate to empower many clients by facilitating their release of old demons. I love the fact that I’m allowed to talk openly about any issues or problems, get advice if needed but still practice having boundaries.

My son feels exactly the opposite.

He refuses to discuss or share any personal issues, is threatened by the idea, always refusing to let others know about them. Each time we are together he’ll at some point behave in a threatening, intimidating way when he gets stressed. I know that he carries tons of anger inside and always feel, he is a walking volcano, waiting to explode. Naturally, this does not provide a base for real intimacy in our relationship.

On this recent visit the volcano exploded, unexpected and seemingly out of nowhere. Our extended family sat around the kitchen table, eating. Ben, a tall, strong man, reprimanding his 8-year old son, grabbed him by the neck and lifted him up, the way you do when you lift up a rabbit or cat, shook him violently while yelling from the top of his lungs at him, not letting him down. The little boy whimpered, trying to free himself, his feet dangling in the air, telling his dad he would be a good boy. Ben held him up, threatening him, his raging face in front of him.

While noticing this scene unfolding I was unable to move or talk or breathe, I was paralyzed in complete shock.

I was back being a child again, my dad and later my older brother beating me up terribly, again and again, yelling at me, raging faces before my eyes, shaking me, attacking me with their overpowering physical strength, lashing out at the small helpless child with incredible cruelness. Destroying my trust and my need for safety, over and over again.

I felt frozen in fear, violated again, unable to do anything, unable to help my grandson, unable to help myself get out of the paralysis. I had to be mother and child at the same time but was in Inner Child mode. There was a clear moment when my Inner child said loudly and very angrily: “I am not going to go through this again, I will not let you do this to me again ever!”

Only much later was I able to tap on my feelings.
There is of course much to tap on, for here now I will focus only on some of the tapping phrases I did for the re-traumatized little girl, my Inner Child. Much more work to do, especially surrogate tapping for my son and my grandson as well.

We also did visualizations including a reframing of the incident.

While I tapped on myself I imagined tapping on that shaking little girl. I realized in the process that she was fuming with anger. Soon she calmed down visibly, put her arms around me as I felt her strength returning.

[Note: When doing Inner child work it is often helpful to have a picture of yourself at a young age that you can relate to. Do some deep breathing to get yourself into a trance as you start connecting with your child!]

We tapped for being traumatized and shamed again. Notice how she suddenly talks about not being able to sleep safely during the night: I’ve been an insomniac all my life until a few years ago.

Even though I was terrified by the attack …. Completely unprepared …. Didn’t see it coming ….. he hurt me badly

Even though he took my breath away …. I was so afraid …. Couldn’t defend myself ….feeling paralyzed again …. The dark moments still do that to me ….

Even though he yelled and screamed at me and the little boy ….. nothing we could do to help ourselves ….. the bullies … the perpetrators are too strong …. It happens out of nowhere….. and we can never feel safe ….
Not safe enough to sleep through the night …. Not relax at any time.”

We tapped for the pain, the rejection and anger:

Even though he doesn’t love me …. and hurts me over and over again… his rage is scary… Like a wild animal… out of control … I’m so afraid of him… No place to hide. nowhere safe…
I never know when it will happen again.

How can he do this to me? Doesn’t he know that I love him? I’m sad and alone… I’m weeping… I need to be held and comforted… I can never trust again.”

Recovery and Breaking free:

Even though for too long now I was a fearful child… and some of the fears have ruled my life…
I will now use that fear to protect myself… go forward and confront the beast.

Although the child inside me has remained small …..I have grown up …..I’m not the small helpless child anymore

I have learned through my adult life that I’m powerful ….and important… I’m precious and wonderful…. I’m unique and worthwhile… I deserve and receive love and respect.

I now choose to promise myself… I will not be intimidated by controlling or abusive behavior anymore… The shaming messages I hear and those I remember are not based on reality… and I reject them… They have nothing to do with me… I choose to break free… and live my life without the restrictions of negative old childhood patterns.

Reframing Visualization:

My Inner child and I are confronting the perpetrator while I tap on myself. We are surrounded by healing white light as she talks to the monster.

“How could you do this to me? Don’t you know that I’ve always loved you? I will not let you do this to me again ever!”

Even though you hurt me in the past ….I now choose to understand that there is a lost and frightened child inside you… That horrible monster I saw lashing out when you attacked me… I’m now going to shrink it down until it is very small…

Because I have grown powerful and strong I’m not afraid of you any longer…..

I’ll take the hand of my little one and take charge of the situation… protecting her and myself at the same time…
We are now healing our wounds…I stand by my child, providing strong support.“

We smile at each other as the beast starts to weep and crumbles in front of us. Then the little one says:

“I forgive you….. I’m not afraid of you anymore….I can feel your pain. You are very important to me. There is a place for you in my life.”

There is great peace now, the room is filled with love.

Nourishing my Inner child:

In this visualization I made life safe for my little one by creating a safe haven for her. She loves animals so I add cats and dogs to the place. She joins me and is very excited, jumping up and down, can’t wait to play with them.

Tapping on myself:

I have the power to create a safe haven, where she can relax and play joyfully…
There is a nice cozy place inside my heart just for her…
She likes it there… she knows I give her all the nourishment…
love, warmth and protection… all the freedom she needs…
whenever she needs them…
She knows I am just a heartbeat away………
Together we begin our new life…

To be continued soon!

Love and Peace,
Baerbel

I was noticing that every time my step daughter was coming over I would get nervous, anxious and uncomfortable.

One particular time I thought “I don’t like this feeling and I don’t understand why I even feel this way, she is just a little girl.”

So I tapped while asking myself, “What is this really about and What does this remind me of?”

I find that tapping on questions often helps open up the awareness to the answers.

As I tapped, I barely got a round in, when it hit me…

“This is the same feeling I had when I was a child and my Dad was on his way home from work.”

I often felt very nervous because I wasn’t sure if my Dad was going to be nice and happy to see me or irritable and unloving. I realized these feelings were exactly the same as when my step daughter was coming home. I didn’t know if she was going to be happy and nice to me or irritable and ignore me. As a “grown up” I thought why does this even bother me but when I realized it was my “inner child” being triggered I knew just how to heal it.

So I tapped:

Even though I was so nervous when I was a little girl and my dad was coming home from work.
Even though I didn’t know how he was going to treat me
Even though I didn’t know if he was going to be nice to me or mean to me

Because of my holistic experience I allowed myself to go into the “little girl” feelings even changing up my voice.

It didn’t take long to move through the process and by the time my step daughter arrived I had a new attitude. I haven’t had a problem with this particular issue since but she does provide me with many tapping opportunities.

Our children and step children can be great teachers for us, so before you react to a situation ask yourself “what does this remind me of” because most likely there is a gift hiding in there. By using EFT you can start to neutralize the negative feelings and enjoy true healing.

Lori Barnett
www.soul-escape.biz

I specialise in working with people who suffer from chronic anxiety conditions arising from childhood trauma, known and unknown. This complex case highlights how a sensitive use of inner child work and parts work can help bring peace to a conflicted internal system.

My client V, contacted me from Goa because he had an issue with food and self image he would like to address. Three years previously he had totally burnt out whilst trying to lose weight and get fit and he had a pattern of sabotaging behaviour. He felt totally locked in a cycle of stress in every part of his life.

He felt consumed by burn out, acidity and negative emotions. He had an understanding that there were parts of him still feeling as they did during the traumas of the past and were influencing his behaviour now.

I asked him to be aware of what he wanted from this work together today.

He spoke of a real fear of moving on, fear of stepping out, fear of taking responsibility, failure means punishment and pain. He has to make a decision about what he wants to do with his life and it feels very, very difficult. So much stress involved and this had a negative impact on his health. He felt stuck in repeated patterns, still feeling the shock of the burnout. Every time he made the effort to go forward it took him back to the trauma. Even eating a meal is stressful, so every aspect of his life felt stress inducing.

He had a clear conflict between a part that wants to move on and a part that didn’t feel safe.

I decided to use an exercise I use with my clients to gauge the state of the nervous system I call “The Watcher on the Hill.”

Imagine the nervous system as an army. In a healthy nervous system our amygdala, the watchman, is in a state of relaxed expectation. I asked him to visualise his watchmen. He saw many watchers looking out for danger, more watchers than soldiers.

Even though there’s more watchers than soldiers, they are all looking out for danger, they expect danger, I don’t feel safe, there are parts of me that feel really unsafe and they can’t relax and they remember a time when I wasn’t safe, I want these parts to know, that right here, right now, its over, I am safe, we survived, we’re okay.

Even though parts of me remember the feeling of a time when we were unsafe, that was then, this is now, its a feeling, we remember the feeling and feelings can change, I allow these feelings to flow.

There were still some there but there was less energy running through his head, he had been experiencing adrenaline surges in his head. I asked him to be aware of his soldiers

Even though the soldiers look tired, they have been ready for danger, ready for action, expecting action for so long that they are just exhausted, they have been working so hard, they need a rest, there is no danger right now, they can rest right now, I give them permission to relax and have some time off.

I asked him what he sensed they needed to recuperate. He realised they needed to have some fun.

I allow them to have some fun, they can be there when I need them, with the appropriate rest and relaxation.

I explained that we do need our nervous system to be ready and gave him some examples of when we need a little surge of adrenaline.

I asked him to tune into when his nervous system felt like it had to fight all the time.

He felt there had been fighting ever since he got on that treadmill of dieting and overexercising, months and months of stress locked in.

I asked him to get in touch with the part of him that decided it was a good idea to push his body to the limit. He felt really angry with this part of him.

Even though I am so angry with this part of me, I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t accept him, I am open to the possibility of accepting that part of me was doing the best it could and I will try to understand him somehow, but right now I AM angry with him.

Even though I am angry with that part because….(just wait for answer)… it destroyed me, I am open to the possibility that the part of me who did that was doing the best he could. I am open to the possibility of understanding him somehow.

I asked him to tune into his feelings now, he felt not so angry but upset with the fact that so many years of his life have gone into managing this situation, going from one doctor to another, getting some success, falling back, constantly struggling. He wanted to be free and enjoy a good meal and laugh instead of having to micromanage his body.

I invited him to just acknowledge how hard this has been

Even though I have these problems with food, and I have had to try and manage things and manage these problems I love and accept myself with kindness and compassion.

I acknowledge how difficult this has been, it has been really hard for me, it has been hard, its really hurt, there’s been so much trauma, so much pain, I honour these young parts of me, the must have felt… (I asked how they might have felt)… so lonely, frightening alienated.

I acknowledge how hard I have been on myself, I choose to be kinder to myself, I hold myself in kindness and compassion.

He realised how hard he has been on himself.

Even though I have been hard on myself, I wanted results, I wanted my body to be fixed and to heal itself fast, I wanted it to be done fast and my body has been through alot, it needs time and space and kindness and compassion. Right now I am opening the doors for healing, its time for things to change, its time to bring healing to these parts. There are some parts that need healing with kindness, compassion and patience. I am ready to allow something to change, I give myself permission to take all the time it needs, I allow all parts of me the time and space to heal, I can let these feelings flow and let it go in the timing thats right for me.

I asked him to tune into this and his response to this and any possible conflict that might be present. He felt there was a part that was really keen to let go and shower himself with kindness but there was a part that was very stubborn, the punisher, like a taskmaster that said. “No, you can’t do this.”

I asked him now to take the part who was willing to be compassionate and to help him communicate with the taskmaster part. I told him that I need all these parts to know that I know they were doing the best they could, they were trying to protect themselves, and were stuck in a pattern and that I also understood they might not trust me right now but I was also doing the best I could to help my client and them.

He realised this came from being a child, his parents left from India and left him at home for 2 months at home with his grandmother. There were people around but his safety was gone, he felt threatened by this. Later his mother went through many operations and went missing from his life by being in hospital, so there was alot of stress and separation continually. It felt like there was no security or safety, thats why he has needed so many watchers. He would keep talking to himself to calm himself down. (Separation from the mother in early childhood is a common trigger for dissociation.)

I asked him to be aware if his baby self felt safe with his mother and he was initially, but when they left it broke his trust and he couldn’t express his anger, and also felt guilty for this. When his mother got sick the anger increased and also anger towards his father. He couldn’t handle these emotions he became rebellious and seemed self destructive. He had no remembrance of clarity of why he was so angry.

I asked him to get in touch with the little boy who was left at home when he was 3. He could picture himself in his parents room, very confused, what has happened, where have they gone? What have I done?

Even though my three year old feels confused bad and guilty, I love and accept my young self without judgement.

Even though I am three and feel so guilty and bad its time for this heal.

Even though you’re three and you feel so bad and guilty and confused, I want you to know its not your fault, there is nothing wrong with you, you’re just a little boy… it’s time for this to heal.

Tuning into his little boy now he still looked angry. I asked him to let this little boy know we wanted to help him. He was not happy we were there to help at all.

I know you don’t trust us, I know your feeling angry, I accept you, I take your feelings seriously, (he still doesn’t believe me)… I know you don’t believe me, I know you don’t trust me, I understand how angry you are feeling right now, and you don’t know who I am, I am willing to give you some time, what do you need to feel better, what do you need from me? I take you seriously, even though no one understood what you were going through, I do understand, and I am with you now. I know how painful it was for you, I take your feelings seriously. Someone should have helped you then, nobody did, but I am here to help you now.

V now felt there was a part of him that was resisting this experience. It was angry with him for doing this process and angry with me for leading him through this process. A part that doesn’t want change.

I asked that part to talk to me and tell me how it was feeling. He said it was a violent abusive part who is angry and doesn’t trust women and thinks women will inflict pain of some sort. He sensed it was all coming from this child.

I acknowledged that I as a woman might not be helping. I told him that I understood he would be angry, his mum left him, that wasn’t fair, every time she left, he didn’t know if she would come back, it made perfect sense to me.

My client was able to see this angry part that was angry, didn’t like me and was resisting this process. I asked him how he felt about this part. He felt he had made peace that he had a part but up until now was afraid of the power of it and what it could do. Now he realised it was just a part that has been through trauma, is begging for help, but can’t accept help when it comes.

I assured him I understood this. He said it all came from a sense of detachment and from this has come guilt, anger and rage. This part grew into becoming rebellious and mistrustful, but I mentioned that this was just like any other child trying to get his needs met.

The child wants the love, wants the acceptance but also wants to prove a point.

I explained that when a child is trying to get our needs met, and the parent is frightened and feels unsafe, this does not bring security to the child. Similarly for us if we are afraid of our own parts, this does not bring safety to us. If my client felt afraid of this part of himself the part would feel unsafe.

It felt a very big move forward for my client to accept this parts existence and influence with any kind of compassion.

I spoke directly to the part here. I told him that I had not been through his experience, had not been through what he had been through but I did know he was doing the best he could. We weren’t here to fight or judge or force, we were interested in understanding it.

My client asked me what did I think his part need, it was asking for something. He felt the child had a passion, his passion was to be creative and he felt trapped.

I suggested that he did what many of my clients do when they meet these parts, allow them to do something the child part would enjoy. Agree to do something the child part would enjoy.

He realised the child part would love to paint, bicycle.

I encouraged my client to be aware of his parts presence and fill its needs when possible.

He realised his part didn’t want to be here, in Goa, he hated his fathers business and had never wanted to work for his father.

Even though this part of me doesn’t want to be here, and hates working for my father, I want this part to know that I want to be get out of here too, I am not comfortable, but there are better ways to deal with these feelings.

Even though you’re angry because you don’t want to be here, I want you to know I do understand and I do want to make change, I want change too and if all my parts can work together, we can change things, we can all work for the same purpose.

He understood now his child self never wanted to work for his father. He realised he had taken on the role of victim and created this situation where he couldn’t leave and he ended up feeling secure with his father, becoming dependant, like an addiction. This part was angry because of this,

I encouraged him to communicate to this part and say, “I am sorry, you didn’t want to work with dad, and thats what I am doing now, I am sorry, forgive me”

His little boy self looked alot happier and more relaxed.

I encouraged him to let this part of himself communicate his feelings, to give him permission to express himself, to tap on whatever feelings come up. He realised he was now expressing things to himself that he never had done before. He realised that coming out of the office today his soldiers would be fighting and he was saying to himself, “I hate this, I hate working here.” He realised this was the part of him expressing itself. I encouraged him to tap on whatever feelings were coming up, as his parts express himself, “I hate working here etc.”

At this point he realised I understood his experience of dissociation, that he had parts of himself which felt and behaved seperately to the others and were in conflict with each other and also with him and his adult decisions, such as being married and working for his father and was grateful to talk with someone who understood this situation.

He realised he had come to a place of insight and he was learning to allow his parts to express themselves, he didn’t know what these parts were at first, he had felt possessed at one point, hearing voices, feeling like he was going insane. However he started looking for solutions, outside his comfort zone and realised he had dissociated parts through all his research. Only recently had he got to the place where he could face his parts or even admit to their existence but there were some he didn’t not want to meet. He realised there were just parts not the whole of him, but sometimes it feels like the whole of him when they took over.

He felt like something shattered and each part took a life of its own, and they all went on their own way, but all part of the same energy system. It works great as a survival system when you need it but was a disorder now, and it was backfiring. However he had found EFT to be of great benefit in reducing the overall feelings of stress and could now see how applying EFT in this way can ease the internal communication and be used to specifically heal the parts that were still hurting, who did not realise that the trauma was over.

I encouraged him to be patient with these parts and give them the time and space to express their hurt and pain.

Now he understood he has to be brave enough and courageous enough to hear what his parts need to say. I encouraged him to be aware of his own feelings about the fact that his parts need to communicate and use EFT for any fear or discomfort this brings, creating a safe place in his mind to meet these parts. We can acknowledge the feelings of our parts, sometimes they disagree with us so much and the decisions we make, and we can allow these parts to express their feelings WHILE we tap. However we can communicate with them and help them to see that we have more resources now and things can be done differently.

I got an email after this session:

“Just to let you know that I’m grateful for the session we had and the insights you gave me. I used the watcher and the soldiers and was able to see the internal structure that existed. That along with other things I coupled and the grace that I received led me to one of the most if not the most sacred moment in my life … the encountering of my self and the truth set me free.

For years I had been so ANGRY with my SELF and I hated myself for I had so many false beliefs about me. From that deep hatred for me came my deep hatred for my parents, my family, my world really and I used shame and blame. Gillian, it was such a truly blessed moment to come to, to see my “self” that I was avoiding and shift that final stone. I cannot explain it… I can only say what it felt like and even that is pale. I am a new person today. I feel different. Like I’ve never felt before. A certain freedom.

With much gratitude and love,
V”

Gillian Wightman
www.eastneuktherapies.co.uk