Belinda, a woman in her middle years, recently learned that she has breast cancer. She switched to a raw foods diet and immediately started losing weight. She also started seeing different therapists. I explained to her that EFT could help her clear any conflicts that she was having, including any blocks she has to healing. Though Belinda lives close enough that we could have done a session in person, we decided to do a phone session to save time.

The way that I like doing EFT is to get to the biggest underlying issue, and for Belinda her biggest conflict centered around spending so much time taking care of her elderly parents that she hadn’t allowed time to take care of herself. The intensity of the conflict was a 10, and when I asked her where it was located in her body, she replied that it felt the most intense in her throat and third eye. Then she noticed that it had become entangled in all of her chakras.

When we did up the Setup phrases we included statements such as:

Even though there is a part of me that doesn’t think this is going to work, I love and accept myself…

Even though I doubt that this will work…

Even though it’s a juggling act with a few too many balls in the air…

Even though I have this conflict with taking care of my parents and not taking care of myself…

Even though I haven’t been taking care of myself…

During the first round, we used “It’s a juggling act” as her reminder phrase. I could hear her laughing when she repeated, “It’s a juggling act.” After each round of tapping I asked about the intensity level in her chakras, reminding her that it had been a 10 when we started. At the end of the first round, the intensity dropped from a 10 to an 8. We talked a little more, and it seemed that it might have continued to drop, so I repeated my question. It had dropped to a 6.

To determine what her “sweet spots” were, I asked which of the points that she had tapped on felt particularly good. She came up with four points that stood out for her (her collar bone, side of the eye, above the lip and the top of the head). I told her that in the future, when feeling any anxiety or frustration, she could tap or press on her sweet spots for instant relief.

The next round of tapping brought the intensity down to a 4. I could hear her yawning over the phone. I reminded her that yawning is a release. She said that she was feeling more relaxed as she tapped.

On the third round, she tapped on all the responsibilities that she had with her parents, and how she had forgotten about herself. She also shared how she hadn’t taken care of herself, and that she would eat a carton of Häagen-Dazs ice cream for dinner. One of her set-up phrases was, “Even though I used to eat a carton of Häagen-Dazs for dinner, I love and accept myself.” At one point as we were tapping, Belinda blurted out, “I’m important!” and so we finished the round with her tapping on “I’m important!” Her intensity dropped to a 2.

Belinda shared with me how she was getting other people involved with all of the jobs that she had been doing for her folks. She was going to continue to lessen her load and begin shifting her focus to taking good care of herself.

With her final round of tapping, we didn’t use any Setup phrases (because the intensity was less than 3). We started with, “I am important!” I encouraged her to come up with her own affirmations as we tapped. The affirmations included:

I am important
I remember I am important
I take good care of myself
I count
I make time for fun (she really liked this one)
The cancer is dissolving as we speak
We have fun at my Titty Party [note: She had told me she was going to have a breast party.]
I am healthy
I am whole and complete

Belinda was really laughing after this last round. Her intensity dropped down to 0. She said that she was feeling really relaxed. I asked if she was familiar with Louise Hay’s work, and she said she had several of her books. I shared an affirmation that Louise uses for breast problems.

Caregivers have to remember to take good care of themselves or they can end up getting sick themselves. It truly is a balancing act to take care of oneself and to take care of parents. Belinda is learning how balance her own life with her obligations of taking care of her parents. Now she has EFT as a tool with which to help herself.

Back in 2009, I found my friend Melissa struggling with many chronic ailments. We had been out of touch for some time, and when we reconnected, I was shocked that my once vibrant and active friend had literally found herself too weak to leave the house most days. Fortunately for her, she did have a “healing team” consisting of several medical doctors, a reiki practitioner and now – me.

During our preliminary talk, Melissa shared that a reiki healing experience had given her an energetic kickstart towards possibly getting her life back. However, while she believed receiving reiki had been crucial in helping her, she also confided that the visualization offered during this work had involved “too much pushing” and did not necessarily honor her needs.

A Sister’s Loss

Two years before, Melissa had lost her little sister to a drug overdose. Coming to terms with this loss still seemed overwhelming to her. She knew the grief and loss was affecting her health and so much about her life, but she did not think she could ever come to terms with it or move beyond it, much less make peace with the enormity of it. We spoke about how using EFT together with a gentle visual journey – Inner Theater, could potentially help change the way her grief might be affecting her – in a way that would honor her needs completely.

We began our session with EFT on just her physical symptoms and her feelings about them. What came up almost immediately was the enormous amount of fear she carried around being “well.” She brought up the clear realization that there was a part of her that was extremely resistant – terrified of being well – just as much as there was a part that was so ready to be healed. “Who would I be? I have never not been struggling against something!” While we worked with this fear somewhat – it did not subside, and I could sense there was a need to get her out of her head.

Sensing that a visual, guided approach would help us sneak up on the problem more, I offered her the possibility of going into her own sacred inner space. When introducing this process, I will usually offer a road, a door – a gateway to a safe personal space where an inner story can unfold. In Melissa’s case, I offered her a peaceful journey down a road of some kind. She liked this immediately, and we talked about the perfect weather for such a trip. She settled on fall with yellows leaves filling the road and gently falling from the trees.

On The Road

At the beginning of the scene she immediately found herself driving comfortably along her peaceful road until, quite by her own guidance, she stopped some distance from a gigantic tree. Since this was an “in-person” session and she had indicated that tapping was physically uncomfortable for her, I gently squeezed her fingertips while she told me what she was feeling and what she was seeing. She indicated that the tree felt safe and comforting – so much so that she actually wanted to hug it. She offered that it reminded her of her father or father figure, so safe and warm and deeply rooted under her. She then expressed sadness that she had never felt that safety and security herself – she felt as if she was floating above the roots.

As we moved along, I asked again about that fear of getting well. She immediately said it was like a huge concrete wall. She expressed that she could indeed see it, but that it terrified her, even though it was some distance away to her left. She felt she could not safely approach it, much less climb it. I told her she could do whatever she liked in the space, including sit in the comfort of the tree as long as she needed. She expressed extraordinary gratitude about being able to honor this boundary for herself – to honor her own time and her own needs.

“She’s Here”

Sitting against the tree, she talked (as I tapped) through some of her feelings of fear. At this point, her sister, Morgan, entered her mind. I asked if she would like her sister to potentially join her somehow in the scene. Without prompting from me, she said, “She’s here,” and indicated that her sister was approaching the vicinity of the tree. The relief and disbelief in her voice was palpable and we spent some time tapping through both what she was seeing with her minds eye and feeling as her sister approached and sat down next to her.

For a moment, Melissa was confused that her sister could look so healthy and refreshed and different than the young, troubled woman she had last known. However, we tapped together on this as well until her feelings stabilized and she was moving on to describing the interaction. Two aspects stand out for me about this part. Firstly, Melissa was momentarily confused about what face to put on her sister, since her face was not in full view. I offered that maybe her face was not visible to her for a reason and to just focus upon the physical parts of her sister she could easily see.

Little by Little

Immediately Melissa’s voice relaxed and she indicated that her focus was falling comfortably onto Morgan’s knee. As we tapped on this visual, Melissa was able to look a bit higher and rest her gaze on her sister’s thigh. Sensing this was going to be a journey in itself and we were nearing the end of our time together, I thought that this was a good time to again ask about how she felt about the interaction [Note: this “what are you seeing / what are you feeling” back-and-forth is very common in an Inner Theater session.] She indicated that she wanted to express anger towards her sister for leaving, and that there was much more to say. She also indicated that it “felt so good and right” to be there with her sister and that Morgan had agreed to stay and/or return as long as Melissa needed to talk. Needless to say, this was an enormous sense of comfort to Melissa.

For a moment, Melissa indicated that scene had abruptly changed to her watching both she and her sister entertain the possibility of climbing the wall together. While she still felt fearful and “not ready”, this moment represented a real awakening to the possibilities of this healing interaction with Morgan.

As the session drew to a close, I offered that Melissa could return to this moment on her own at any time. I also offered that she could take the whole scene into her heart and know that she carried it with her always. We spent some time coming out of the session, processing what was happening, until Melissa felt both connected to her sacred space and completely ready come back to physical reality.

1 Day Update:

While still needing to take sleeping medication, Melissa reports that she is more upbeat and pain-free in her waking hours since our session. She has since reorganized her office (a feat near-impossible previously). She reports that she feels enormous peace around the passing of her sister, and comfort that what transpired was real and truly life-changing process for her.

Three Week Update:

“[Since our session] I’ve been able to envision my own life – untethered from Morgan. Maybe there’s less guilt, maybe that I was unconscious of before – I’ve been able to focus on me with an energy and a fervor for life – there is definitely more peace. There’s a shift there for sure.

During acupuncture, I chose to “go there” to my sacred space – to the tree. It was pretty cool. I liked that I controlled it. We did more work together. She said ‘I’ll go over it with you.’ I could again visualize us going up over the wall. It was beautiful, bucolic, green pastured world. She said, ‘I’ll be with you the whole way. If you want to sit under the tree, I’m here.’ The vision gave me a place to visit her – a beautiful, tangible and accessible place. Very real. This vision has an integrity. It has a life of it’s own.”

Update 10-29-11:

Melissa and I hadn’t had a chance to visit in almost two years. Because we are friends, I did know she was still going through tough times, but in early 2010, her physical condition unfortunately took a turn for the worse. Mel eventually found herself face-to-face with what she described as a spiritual decision: Get well – or give up. According to her, she knew she had to do everything she could to see herself well.

Back in the Inner Theater

Slowly, but surely, Melissa did begin to believe that living and healing was something she could – and would do. And while attending a workshop at the Omega Institute, during a guided meditation, she found herself back in her own sacred space – beneath the wall and in the full presence of her sister. This time, she was fully ready to speak face-to-face with Morgan, and together they ran, laughed and reconnected more fully than ever before.

It was fabulous to hear Melissa recount her experience and stand empowered and healthy again. Not only are inner visuals a great EFT tool for sneaking up on something big, but they can be highly meaningful and connective too.

This is a follow-up to the EFT story posted on 9/17/11. In that article, “Katrina” used EFT to heal an early childhood memory. The result was noticeable relief from her food cravings. I saw her again today, and the results six weeks later were even more exciting. Here is her report:

I have not craved a chocolate bar since I walked through this door and you worked with me that first day. There’s been Halloween candy on the shelves of the grocery stores, and I’m not drawn to it at all. It doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s like, huh! there it is…okay.

There’s a vending machine at work. I just look at it now and know it’s there. But I have no feelings about needing to have the candy or chocolate from the machine. It’s just okay. I think back to before I started with EFT and I would never have envisioned myself having reached this place. Before, oh my God, I would be in the store and the chocolate was like a siren call — Reese’s, Snickers, Milky Way — why not all three? I would sit in my car and open them all and make sure they were near me so that, when I was driving, I could reach all the chocolate without having to take my eyes off the road. This wasn’t every day, but when it hit, there was nothing holding me back. And with Halloween candy, I would have a whole bag and wait till people were in bed… that’s how it always was.

What is amazing is how long this has lasted. I’ve had chocolate on occasion, for instance I had some chocolate milk… but that’s all I wanted. I haven’t even wanted a chocolate bar. It’s great.

We talked about the driven quality of the cravings in the past. Although she thought it was about the chocolate, actually it was about emotion, some feeling that she was looking for in the indulgence. Once that emotion was resolved, the chocolate had lost its power over her.

Katrina had started following a whole foods approach to eating, which would eliminate processed foods from her diet. She found it immensely easier to follow the plan and make the good food choices since she didn’t miss chocolate, candy, and other junk foods. Her concern was continued motivation — what would help her sustain this?

I find that a good approach to motivation is to discuss a person’s values. Why is this change important? What deeper core values would inspire you to make the effort needed and stick with it? I took notes on Katrina’s answers to these questions, and we used that language to address her fears of not following through.

Even though I’ll have to spend more time and energy to follow a whole foods diet, I love and accept myself… and I have a genuine desire to be more healthy.

Even though I’ll have to plan ahead and bring lunches and snacks… I can do it. I’m worth taking care of. It’s important to take care of me.

Even though it’s an effort to exercise daily, I’m highly aware of the quality of life that I desire… I want to be strong and maintain my quality of life through good health.

Even though I might get too busy or stressed, I can slow down and breathe… and make my health a priority. It’s important.

(You could tap the points in an alternating way, for instance, [eyebrow] “have to spend more time and energy…” [side of eye] “but I have a genuine desire to be more healthy,” etc.)

Katrina is a teacher and we talked about the many skillful ways she motivates and encourages her students. She also makes them accountable. If they get too far off track, she calls the parents. We laughed when we decided that if she gets too far off track, she’ll have to be accountable by calling ME to schedule another session!

The one-session breakthroughs are great, but for any lasting change, motivation and maintenance are essential.

“Katrina” came to me for weight loss issues. She said she could eat reasonably all day but towards the evening, she would lose control and, as she said, “when I get started, it’s hard for me to pull back.”

Her feeling was one of frustration, which was at a 10. So we began tapping.

Even though I’m so frustrated that I can’t control my eating in the evenings, I love and accept myself…

The frustration went down to a 4-5. What came up for her then was, she said, “a lot of sadness.” I asked her if she had any thoughts or memories associated with the sadness.

Katrina said that what was coming to mind for her was a very early memory. It was not a new memory — she’s always been aware of it. She said that she vividly remembered being a very small toddler in her high chair in the kitchen, and seeing her bottle on the high shelf — but because her mother was weaning her from the bottle, the mother wouldn’t give the little girl the bottle. Her mother’s words were, “That’s not for you.” Little Katrina was given a cup instead.

I asked her to tell me a little more about her childhood. I learned that she was the child of a single mom who had to work very hard to support her family. Katrina was to some extent raised by relatives and neighbors. Her mother was matter-of-fact and didn’t have time for the “nonsense” of children’s feelings. For the mother, it was a very practical matter to wean the child from the bottle. The mother thought she had put it where the little girl couldn’t see it. For Katrina, a sensitive child, the incident in the kitchen had left a terrible feeling of deprivation and hurt.

We returned to “the bottle story” and decided to tap using a modified Movie Method. There wasn’t a lot of action, but there really were a lot of feelings. As we tapped, tears flowed.

Even though I can see my bottle, but Mommy won’t let me have it, I love and accept myself… I love and accept the little girl that I was…

Even though Mommy says, “That’s not for you…”

Even though I’m just a little girl… confused… why can’t I have it? It’s mine!

Even though Mommy isn’t paying any attention to my feelings…

Even though Mommy didn’t understand how much I wanted that…

etc.

We talked and tapped with regard to what the little girl needed: someone to pay attention to her feelings, to validate what she felt, to take her seriously, and to understand her. It wasn’t even so much that the little girl needed the bottle — she needed empathy and understanding for her feelings.

Even though no one took her seriously…no one was really there for her… I love and accept this little girl.

Katrina felt much better and could now recount “the bottle story” without painful emotion.

I had asked Katrina to bring in a “temptation food” to tap for, and she brought a Reese’s peanut butter cup. We decided to get it out and see how she felt about it. Normally her craving would have been high, but just talking and tapping for the little girl inside her seemed to have made a difference. Her craving was only about a 2. We did a few rounds of tapping and she felt even more neutral about the candy.

I often make a hypnotherapy-type recording at the end of a session so that positive and nurturing messages can continue to support the healing process. In Katrina’s case, I knew that it was not yet time to “deprive” the hurt part of her by trying to change behaviors drastically. Instead, we gave good messages to the child part of her. We affirmed that she could have what she wanted now. Katrina could also “tap in” these good messages:

I have the control now.

I can have this if I want to — I can choose to have it or not.

I’m now paying attention to what the craving is about…

I’m slowing things down. I’ll breathe and pay attention.

What the little girl needed was someone to pay attention to her feelings
… and validate her feelings… and take her seriously… and understand her.

I love and accept my little girl self. I honor my child self for what how hard it was at times. No one to pay attention… no one to really understand… but I understand.

When Katrina came in for her next session, she said that it had been amazing. She had had no desire for chocolate during the three weeks since our last session. She said she gave the Reese’s away! She just didn’t want it. “It feels great,” she said. “I’m not feeling as if, when I see it, I’ll go into this caveman ‘gotta have it’ urge. That kind of craving is gone.” She had also noticed feeling generally calmer and happier.

There is more work to do, but Katrina is developing a relationship with the part of herself that was the source of her cravings. That part needed love, attention, and understanding. As our healing work brings this in, I expect that it will get easier and easier for Katrina to make good choices and eat in a balanced way.

Editor’s Note: This article first appeared in EFT-Articles.com and is republished here with permission of the author.

The finger points are not used so much in EFT these days. Working with them can still provide a doorway into healing a complicated issue. Here’s an example of where starting with a particular finger point provided my client and me with the quickest way in.

“Hilary” came to me with a list of issues we could work on. We spent the first 40 minutes exploring the various issues we might deal with. This was great for rapport building, but my normal approach is to get clarity within the first 20 minutes. This way we can work efficiently and start to make progress.

The “Heart” of the Problem

The problems Hillary raised were inter-connected in some ways, but also separate. After some discussion we settled to work on an irregular heart beat issue that Hilary has been troubled with all her life. It helped that Hilary is very self aware and familiar with therapeutic techniques. As a result she was open to going with the flow of the energy.

As our conversation had given us many doorways, I went for the least obvious. The tapping point on the little finger of each hand is connected to the heart meridian. I felt drawn to tap there very gently and asked her what she felt. That one action launched Hilary into a huge emotional wave of sadness. The change was dramatic, accompanied by lethargy and coughing.

We continued at a gentle but constant rate of tapping to soothe down the reaction. It helped that Hilary understood what her body’s reaction meant – she’s experienced it before. From experience I also understood that the intense reaction that came on meant that we had touched a core issue quickly.

There were multiple issues to the sadness that came up to deal with which we tapped on. We tapped through many rounds on different aspects for the following issues:

Sadness at being rejected by her church for asking questions when a teenager; and Hurt and guilt at losing her sibling twin whilst in the womb.

Moving to the positive, through tapping, we:

Brought in sunny energy into her solar plexus;
Improved the energy channel between heart and solar plexus so that she could feel joy in expressing herself; and
Brought in more divine energy and self acceptance.

Her irregular heart rhythm went from 7 at the start of our session to a zero by the end. Talking with Hillary 7 weeks later, she reported feeling calmer and able to open up from the heart to give more love to others as a result of our work.

Whilst Hilary recognizes that she has more tapping to do on heart-related issues she felt she got a tremendous benefit from our work together. That’s because there were two minds and two intents focused on the one problem.

Below is a helpful list for those interested in exploring the EFT point connections with the relevant meridian. These connections are NOT intended as being prescriptive, e.g. if you have a heart condition then tapping on one point alone is unlikely to resolve the issue by itself. The connections are best worked with as a possible doorway to finding and working on the underlying core issues.

Eye Brow – Bladder 2
Side of Eye – Gall Bladder 1
Under Eye – Stomach 1
Under Nose – Governing Vessel 27
Chin – Central Vessel 27
Collar Bone – Kidney 27
Under Arm – Spleen 17
Under Chest – Liver 14

Hands:

Thumb – Lung 11
Index Finger – Large Intestine 1
Middle Finger – Pericardium 9
Gamut spot – Triple Warmer 3
Baby Finger – Heart 9
Karate Chop – Small Intestine 3

Every day I talk to women (and I used to be one who did this too) who feel compelled to constantly diet to lose weight or to control their out of control feeling with food. There is a push-pull relationship that develops, an all or nothing kind of view.

It is incredibly frustrating, defeating, and totally depressing because the dieting never works permanently. It is a temporary fix for some to a deeper problem; the compulsive need to eat.

Unlike other addictions, you can’t stop eating. You can’t just avoid food totally. We have to eat to live, so it gets tricky when food is your obsession and/or addiction.

A process of hyper-vigilance and avoidance, fear and deprivation sets in for many with food. This is also where a state of black and white thinking comes in. On the one hand many feel they have to restrict or control food intake in some way (some form of diet, and there is always a new one) or there is constant eating or bingeing.

Often there are painful feelings or difficult feelings that require addressing but that are too overwhelming and need to be numbed with food.

So a constant focus on food as the “problem” and food as being the thing to control is really sort of dangerous for people with this issue. I often see any hint of deprivation throw clients into a rebellious desire to eat.

The first step to stopping reliance on dieting for some is using EFT to clear the painful or difficult emotions that haven’t been addressed successfully in the past. I have come to believe that emotions are like water and meant to just flow naturally through us. They are not good or bad but an experience. It is when for some reason they get “stuck” or don’t move through us that we have problems and pain.

We don’t have to be aware of what these emotions are, we can start wherever we are at with tapping.

With one of my clients recently we began by tapping on the desire to eat.

Set up phrases:

Even though I just want to eat and I don’t know why, I can’t stop and I don’t know why… I deeply and completely love and accept myself

Inner eye: I don’t know why I want to eat
Outer eye: ”
Under eye: ”
Upper lip: I just want to eat
Chin crease: I’m not even hungry!
Collar bones: I just want to eat
Side of body: I wish I knew why
Top of the head: I’m really tired of it

After this first round a thought came to her about how her father always used to make her feel ashamed and fat, and how once he humiliated her in front of others.

At this point we began tapping on the feelings of humiliation through all of the points:

“My dad made me feel humiliated that time in the living room”

After we tapped on that issue, there were several others that came up for her too with him. It seems he was a primary figure in her humiliation with weight and desire to diet to relieve it.

After a few sessions working on these issues and tapping on what came up for her she is no longer binge eating or emotional eating at all through difficult situations where she feels triggered.

Dieting is a way to punish ourselves or use force to achieve a goal, it seems to me. When we take away the force, address the underlying feelings – whatever they are – and release them, we are free to eat in a more “natural” way and the strong desire to binge or eat junk foods can just disappear.

Sandy Zeldes is a Certified EFT Practitioner & Certified Nutrition Consultant with over 7 years experience. She helps her clients find relief with weight gain, stress, mood swings, and low energy or fatigue. Visit her online at www.eatlikeagoddess.com.

Most smokers know they light up a cigarette when they are under stress. Many more are unaware that many other emotions lead to smoking as well, such as, anger, worry, fear, hunger, sadness and a host of others.

It appears that those negative emotions trigger something within each person that leads them back into their old habit of ameliorating it by lighting up a cigarette and taking a few drags to calm down.

What if you could eliminate that trigger? Can you imagine what it would be like to deal with your anger or stress using EFT instead of using a cigarette? It would be freeing and release you from your addiction to cigarettes. So how do you do it? Here’s how:

First, it takes a little bit of conscious noticing of when you’re feeling like you are so stressed that you find yourself wanting a cigarette. When that happens, its very important that instead of reaching for a cigarette, you instead start using EFT to tap away the negative thoughts and feelings. For instance, if you’re feeling stressed, you can simply do a Setup like this:

“Even though I’m feeling so stressed that now I want a cigarette, I love and accept myself nonetheless.”

“Even though I don’t believe I can stop this urge to have a cigarette because of all this stress I’m under, I accept myself anyway.”

Then go on to the reminder statements as you tap on each meridian access point as follows:

Eyebrow (EB): “I’m under so much stress.”
Side of Eye (SE): “I really want a cigarette.”
Under Eye (UE) :“Whenever I’m under stress, the only thing that helps is a cigarette.”
Under Nose (UN): “I really want that cigarette right now.”
Under Mouth (Ch): “Actually, I don’t really want a cigarette, I just don’t know what else to do.”
Collar Bone (CB)“Actually, I do know what to do and I’m doing it right now. I’m tapping my urge away.”
Under Arm (UA): “I’m under so much stress.”
Top of Head (TH): “All this stress I’m under. I let it go.”

Drop your hands and take a deep breath to integrate and process the tapping and then check in on your SUDS (emotional intensity) level to see how much the urge for a cigarette has changed. If it has gone down somewhat, continue along the same lines as before, only add a phrase that acknowledges that some of the urge has gone away.

Before you finish 2-3 rounds, your stress may be gone along with the urge for a cigarette. If another urge arises, treat it the same way.

I work with many women to heal food addiction, chronic dieting, emotional eating, out of control sugar cravings and the overwhelming sense of needing to be “perfect” both in their bodies, and in their outer world as well.

Of course, I too have been that woman. (You can read my bio at eatlikeagoddes.com).

I sometimes feel as though I have tapped into the beating heart of our culture with the way we as women view ourselves in the world. It is as though our relationship to food and our bodies perfectly reflects just how far we have progressed in terms of freedom and equality in the culture as a whole in my opinion. How far can we as women in the Western world have come if we hate our own bodies?

The rise in eating disorders illustrates this.

I believe the current statistic is that somewhere around 65% of U.S. women between the ages of 25 and 45 report having an eating disorder, and this is just the reported number. But I can tell you that it has to be a lot higher than that if you take the rest of us who have, or have had at some point some form of “disordered eating” habits.

I see this all the time in my practice:

We are afraid of food because we think it will make us fat.
We avoid eating for this reason and swing from diet to diet.
We have developed a love hate relationship with food and our bodies, making us feel guilty all of the time with food.
We want to feel like we look \”normal\” or beautiful enough but that feeling doesn\’t arrive, no matter how much weight is lost.
The need to be perfect drives us to do more, be more and leaves us exhausted and unsatisfied and struggling even more with food.

Though my mother’s generation in the late 1950′s did not have all of the same opportunities as we do today as women and faced discrimination that in some ways we do not face now, they did not have to stare down the self mutilation of eating disorders to the extent that we do today.

What is going on? Why is this happening, and why now?

Have we – as the next generations of women moving forward from the oppressions faced by our mothers and grandmothers – stopped short at the door of freedom and full self expression?

If so, what do we do about this?

I’ll tell you a story about a client who worked with me to lose weight. She had been going from diet to diet and cleanse to fast for her entire adult life. She was health conscious and couldn’t understand what was holding her back. Though she’d been exhausted and frustrated… she could not get herself to stop dieting, and in fact thought of me as the enemy that I would even suggest it. I think that she actually thought I was going to recommend a new and improved diet for her when she originally contacted me and got a big let down! I’m sure if you are reading here, you know what I did, and it wasn’t recommend another cleanse.

I listened to her very carefully as she told me how frustrated and unhappy in her body she was and that she needed to lose this weight YESTERDAY. As a nutritionist, I made the simple recommendations that I often do that have nothing to do with fasting, starving, or doing anything other than supporting and nourishing ourselves.

This client was unable to follow through with any actions we set out for her and it was at this point that we began tapping.

“Even though I wish to have lost this weight YESTERDAY, I’m so frustrated, and I hate the way I look… I choose to love and accept myself.”

“Even though I really want to do a fast or a cleanse just to get off some of this weight NOW and I can’t make myself eat anything… I choose to feel safe in my body and know that I can succeed without dieting.”

After tapping for several minutes on this frustration and all of her thoughts about her body and dieting, a clear memory came up for her of being 12 years old and feeling like she was ugly. She had thought that she should look more like anther girl her age who was smaller. Though she was not overweight by any measure, she had decided that something was wrong with her body right then and there, and that she was too big. The dieting started shortly after this.

When we tapped on this specific core event/issue she began to cry. She felt deep in her heart that she would never be beautiful no matter what she did because she would never measure up and this is where her desperation came from to diet and try to do something to change her body. Of course, none of this had been conscious to her until tapping brought it up.

We tapped on various aspects of this issue and her remaining feelings around it using the choices method until she could begin to feel some distance from it and relief.

Within one month of that session, she was able to finally stick to a plan that made sense for her and begin to lose weight without starving herself or doing a cleanse… and over the holiday season no less.

By releasing some of the pressure of feeling like she never looked right she was able to stop feeling the desperate need to change her body.

I mention this clients story because she is like so many women’s stories that I hear. Formative decisions about how we look form some of the core experiences of our relationship to food and our bodies.

We can love our bodies and ourselves no matter where we are today. EFT can help us to release old core wounds, beliefs, habits and patterns wherever they come from and move forward into our lives fully expressed, peaceful with food and ourselves.

Editor’s Note: We originally ran across CJ’s account via EFT-Articles.com. She gave us permission to republish and offered to contact Cynthia to see how she was doing. She provides a detailed update at the end of this article.

In November 2009, I taught a three-day EFT workshop in New York. At the beginning of the first day, I asked whether anyone was experiencing pain or discomfort. Several people raised their hands and reported headaches, shoulder pain, neck pain, back pain, and knee pain ranging anywhere from 3 to 10 on the 0-to-10 scale. One woman, Cynthia, said her lower back hurt so much that she had decided to return home. “I know I just got here,” she said, “but on a scale of zero to 10, it’s a 22.”

I invited Cynthia to stay for a few minutes, after which if she didn’t feel better, she could certainly go home. She accepted, and we tapped as a group on behalf of everyone who was hurting. At the end of EFT’s Basic Recipe, most felt substantially better, including Cynthia. We then tapped for “this remaining pain,” which brought further improvement. Nearly all of the volunteers were either completely pain-free or close to it, and Cynthia’s pain level fell to a 2.

Then suddenly her pain rose to a 3. I said to the group, “This is interesting. Cynthia is probably tuning into a different aspect of her back pain problem.” Turning to Cynthia, I asked, “What were you thinking about when your pain moved up a notch?”

She said, “I was thinking that you were probably going to ask me to stand up and see how my pain had changed, and that made me nervous.” So we tapped on her apprehension about standing up. Soon Cynthia could barely find her pain.

I asked if she would be comfortable standing up now and she said yes. She gingerly stood and cautiously bent to the left, right, and back. Her movements were tentative and it was obvious that she expected to feel discomfort, especially when bending forward. “There’s no way I’m going to do that,” she said.

I asked, “Are you afraid?” and she said, “Yes!” So she sat back down and we tapped on:

Even though I’m afraid of falling down, afraid of hurting myself, afraid of the pain coming back, and I’m really afraid of bending forward, I deeply and completely accept myself.

At the end of that round of tapping, Cynthia was delighted to stand and bend forward a few inches, reporting that she felt much better.

We talked about back pain in general and someone mentioned Dr John Sarno, the author of several books about back pain. Dr Sarno’s theory is that none of the things that are blamed for back pain, like herniated discs, actually cause it. He shows his patients x-rays of backs with damaged or bulging discs and other problems that are supposed to cause pain, but all of them came from people who are pain-free. He says it isn’t the discs or old injuries that cause pain. Instead, he says, the reason your back hurts is because you’re angry. “Might you be angry about something?” I asked Cynthia.

“Yes!” she shouted. “I’m furious! I’m 63 years old, way too old to start over, and I’m in real estate, which is going nowhere these days. I have a horrible relationship with my partner of 17 years, who’s an alcoholic. I’m worried about my stepfather, who is elderly and frail and lives hundreds of miles away. I’m depressed and worried, and I have really serious financial problems.”

Wow, that was some list! Everyone in the class could see that Cynthia had several issues to choose from when it came to EFT tapping.

“Which of these would you like to start with?” I asked. “What would you most like to tap for?”

She thought for a moment, considering all the options, and then said, “I’d like to tap for my fear of failure.”

Cynthia had just given us a perfect example of a global issue, one that is so vague and general that it might or might not improve with EFT, and if it did, the tapping probably wouldn’t produce a dramatic change.

“Let’s aim for a specific event that has contributed to your fear of failure,” I suggested. “Think of all the things you’re angry about and give each one a title, like a movie. You don’t have to tell us what they are, but if you feel comfortable sharing one of them with us, the EFT will probably work faster. Let us know when you have a specific event that makes you angry.”

“I have one,” she said. “I’ll call it The Forgery.”

I had no idea what The Forgery was but it had to be big and was probably traumatic, so instead of asking Cynthia right away to tell us what happened, we started by taking the edge off, by tapping about The Forgery in general:

Even though I’m so angry about The Forgery that I can’t think straight, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though The Forgery makes me furious, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though no one can understand the terrible effect The Forgery has had on my life, I love and accept myself anyway.

All of these setups made sense to Cynthia, who nodded throughout. If the statements hadn’t made sense to her, we would have switched to something else, but her body language made her agreement clear. For anyone working with trauma issues, the Setup Phrase “No one understands how I feel about this” is usually a safe and effective place to start. After a round of this generalized tapping, Cynthia began to relax. She also began to elaborate, which is a normal reaction to effective tapping. “Here’s what happened,” she said. “My partner, ‘John,’ forged my signature and cleaned out my retirement account. That’s why I’m angry.”

We tapped for her raided retirement account, for her anger toward John, for the terrible things he did with her money (most of it went to liquor stores), for her anger toward herself for allowing this to happen, and for her fear of a penniless future. Gradually the tension in her face relaxed, her sense of humor came back, and she laughed at some of the Setups we used, like, “Even though I’m 63 years old and have one foot in the grave and my life is over… and even though I’ll be homeless for sure, I’ll be living in a cardboard box….”

After another round of tapping, I asked Cynthia how she felt. “Well, now I’m not angry any more,” she said. “Now I feel sad.”

This was a new aspect and one that reflected a cognitive shift. Cynthia was looking at her event from a different perspective. We tapped for everything that Cynthia felt sad about. Throughout the tapping, I encouraged Cynthia to say whatever was on her mind, which made it easy to create Setup Phrases that used her own words.

At the end of that round of tapping, she said, “I don’t feel sad any more. Now I think about John and I feel pity.”

Cynthia agreed that she was still light years away from forgiving John for ruining her life, but she was one step closer to considering the possibility of one day doing so. This led to a discussion about forgiveness (one of Gary Craig’s favorite themes) and grudges and how healing occurs. Cynthia agreed that letting go of the pain-producing anger she had brought to the workshop was already helping her think more clearly about her situation, so that she felt resourceful rather than defeated. Then Cynthia jumped to her feet and said, “Watch this!” She bent her back in all directions and effortlessly touched her toes.

Because the workshop lasted three days, we had plenty of opportunities to test Cynthia’s progress. Her back continued to feel terrific and in fact felt more and more flexible and free. On the second day, after reviewing her tapping experience for the class, Cynthia was able to tell us The Forgery story without hesitation and without any emotional discomfort. When I asked whether she would feel comfortable telling us how she discovered the forgery, she described without hesitation how she got a phone call from a credit card company saying that her payment was late and that in fact several months had passed without payment.

“I said that’s impossible,” Cynthia told us. “John had been paying all my bills for years and they were always paid on time. But the person on the phone kept insisting that my account was in arrears. I knew there had to be a mistake so I went to my bank and asked for copies of my recent statements. And there it was in black and white. Most of the checks were made out to a liquor store or to cash. He’d been stealing from me for months. And when he ran out of ready cash, he forged my signature on the retirement account and cleaned me out completely.”

“Yesterday at the beginning of the workshop,” I asked, “did it occur to you that you would be telling us about what happened or any of the details about how you learned about it?”

“Absolutely not,” she said, “I would have died of embarrassment. In fact, I still can’t believe I’m doing this. But it’s amazing. I feel completely comfortable.”

What Might Have Happened

My husband, Stephen, is a psychiatrist. He was able to attend the November workshop, and he observed Cynthia’s transformation with interest. “While watching Cynthia’s response to EFT,” he says, “I couldn’t help but consider what might have happened if she had gone to a physician with her complaint of severe back pain. This symptom would have been considered as presumptive evidence of an anatomic abnormality causing inflammation and muscle spasm, and she likely would have been subjected to radiologic investigations, most likely CT or MRI scanning of her back looking for disc pathology. Then Cynthia would have been given anti-inflammatory medications to take by mouth, and, depending upon the findings of the scans, she might have been subjected to injections or referral to a physical therapist, with attempts to stretch contracted muscles and to build her core muscle strength in her abdominal muscles. It seems unlikely that a physician would consider that there might be any connection to her emotions, and her shame about what had happened in her relationship would have inhibited her from mentioning her finances or her exploitation by her partner. If this information did come out, she would have been referred to a counselor or psychiatrist, with the inevitable waiting period, followed by appointments in which she would be encouraged to discuss the events and her feelings, possibly followed by a conclusion that she was depressed, with antidepressant medication considered and prescribed. Many medical practitioners believe that rapid relief of back pain is not possible, and they assume that this symptom is probably going to be chronic and is not likely to respond much to treatment.”

Seven Weeks Later

Seven weeks later, when I asked Cynthia for an update, she replied, “Since our workshop I have continued to tap twice a day and I am happy to report that I am still completely mobile and have let go of the back pain to the point where I have resumed my normal routines at my local gym. If I experience ‘stress moments’ in between my tapping times, I silently massage the sore spot on my chest (when in public) or go directly to the tapping points that I have discovered are most effective for me, which are under my eyes and on my collar bone, and that helps me stay balanced and focused.

“I tap in the morning and at night. The morning ritual is just for me. My evening tapping is as much for other people, and it takes place after my quiet time of prayer and meditation. This tapping is done on a vision board of family and friends. I tap for all of them but especially for those who are physically or mentally struggling. Also on that vision board is my daughter’s cat, Bubba, whom you might remember from the first workshop I attended last year, when I asked everyone to tap for him. Well, Bubba is still alive and going strong, and the vet has dubbed Bubba the miracle cat.

“To be honest with you,” she concluded, “I don’t think about the forgery at all anymore. There is no anger, resentment, anxiety, or now that I am specifically trying to think of it, no feelings whatsoever. It’s almost as though all emotion about the forgery has been erased from my mind. It’s merely something that happened. How great is that???!!!!”

At an EFT workshop the following June, Cynthia brought the class up to date, explaining that her former partner no longer lived with her but now her stepfather did, the future was looking brighter, and she continued to feel well and free from pain.

Followup with Cynthia

And this week (January 2011), over a year after the workshop that helped change her life, Cynthia wrote, “My back is fantastic!!! I have absolutely NO physical limitations. I bend, stretch, and lift heavy objects, and best of all I continue to tap every single day. In the morning it is a ritual with me, and I tap as needed through the day. As you may know, I am a member of AlAnon, which has strict guidelines of using only their literature at meetings. On several occasions I have observed a person in extreme distress and after the meetings have shared EFT with them. It is amazing to watch someone go from frantic to relaxed in a matter of minutes. I am so blessed to have been exposed to EFT and am able to continue to use it for my own energy and share it with others.”

Regarding her relationship with her partner, she added, “The months following our November workshop were difficult. My partner’s behavior become increasingly erratic and I was coping with the additional stress of worrying about my stepfather in Indiana, who had been successfully living on a feeding tube for 10 years. However, after the death of my mother, he seemed to ‘shift’ his needs to me. I found myself traveling back and forth to Indiana every other month. Each time I traveled I returned home to a new crisis. Once on a return trip the bank actually called me in Indiana to say my mortgage had not been paid. Foolishly I had left the money with John for him to take to the bank while I was away.

“Finally in April, Dad moved in with us in New Jersey. Even though this move was sanctioned by my partner, things did not go well. John’s behavior became more bizarre. His drinking increased, but always in secret. He worked the overnight shift as a security guard at an adult community. His job was at the main gate house. He would disappear for several hours each day, claiming he was chatting with friends. I later found out he was visiting a female massage service … if you can interpret my indication. When he returned home he would sleep for an hour or so, get up, eat something, go back to bed, and the routine would go on like this until he left for work. The household became a prison for Dad and me. We tiptoed around, spoke in whispers, and stayed out of the house as much as possible.

“The last straw came when John called from work late one evening to fight with me. I told him I would be sleeping on the couch. He told me if I wasn’t in bed when he came home, he was going to throw me off the balcony. I hung up the phone and called the police. They advised me to leave the house for the evening. So we packed up Dad’s feeding pole and went to my daughter’s house. The next day I applied for a restraining order, which John violated, and he was taken to jail. I now have a permanent restraining order against him.”

Cynthia’s life became more stressful when her stepfather as hit by a truck while he was crossing a pedestrian crosswalk. Because of his age (82) and the seriousness of his condition (many broken bones), he has been moved several times from hospital to nursing home and back again. “But he is doing well,” she says, “and the doctor thinks that another six to eight weeks of physical therapy will enable him to come home and be able to walk with a walker.

“As far as recovering any monies that I lost ” she says, “I was advised by an attorney that I relinquished all those rights when I was forced to refinance my condo. Interesting how the law works … or doesn’t … isn’t it? I’m grateful to EFT for helping me deal with stressful moments. It has helped me cope with the things I can change and the things I can’t. Since my very first exposure to EFT, tapping has become a way of life for me. Just like coffee or tea in the morning. I am addicted to my daily dose of centering myself and getting my instant energy boost. I also tap during the day while at work and in times of stress. I do a quick body scan to find the EFT spot that seems to be seeking attention and silently tap that spot. It’s amazing how something so simple can give produce such an immediate response. I am a happy tapper and am forever grateful to you for teaching me the process.”

A lady from Mumbai, Menaka (name changed) approached me to get help with her childhood sexual abuse memories. Previously, she had one EFT session with another practitioner and had severe abreactions after working on abuse. She told me that she howled after that and was very scared to deal with abuse again in the EFT sessions even though she felt that she needed to heal from abuse. Usually the “body memory” of the abuse makes a person feel unsafe and thereby they are afraid to work on it as it unleashes overwhelming emotions.

I consider it to be an important part of sexual trauma work and therefore the focus of this article is to show how the unsafe abuse memories can be dealt with EFT.

I told Menaka that we can deal with abuse only when she feels comfortable enough to do so. It is important not to introduce trauma work in the beginning of the session itself unless the client is ready. I started working with her on general family issues.

During one of the sessions while working on her anger at her mother, Menaka said that she hated reliving the traumatic incidents from the past. She said,“it shouldn’t have happened. I still feel ashamed and the rage is there. That fear lives in my body. If only I could close my eyes and escape. I try to shove it aside.”
She further revealed, when I probed her gently, that the abuse started at the age of 2 by her caretaker’s relative and continued till she started going to school. In her mind, some memories were fuzzy and some were crystal clear. She felt anxious as she spoke about it.

So we tapped on:

Even though I am anxious now as I speak about my past and it makes me feel unsafe, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I am safe now as that was then and this is now.

Her anxiety went down but she was reluctant to go further. She said, “I don’t want to face this. I still don’t want to talk about it. I can already feel my heart pounding now.”

So we tapped on:

Even though my heart is pounding as I am about to say certain things that I haven’t spoken to anyone, I want to accept this pounding and feel calm.

Her anxiety decreased and she went on to recount the whole incident. I did the Movie Technique on her and asked her to put a pause to her narration whenever she felt anxiety or any other emotion. She said that the abuser had locked the door. He emotionally blackmailed her into obeying him and asked her not to tell anyone.

She started feeling a burning sensation in her solar plexus. This was a sign of anxiety so we tapped on:

Even though I’m anxious right now as I remember what happened when was 5 years old…

I introduced the following reframe to tackle the possible presence of guilt, as it is always present in such cases, even though she hadn’t voiced it.

Even though I’m angry with my caretaker’s relative because he asked me to touch him, and he took advantage of me, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

I was really too young to understand all this and I didn’t know how to prevent it, I love and accept myself despite what happened.

After this her burning sensation went down completely and we focused on tapping on the anger and releasing it. Tapping was also done on other details of this abuse memory.

In the next session, we dealt with another school memory that haunted her.

She narrated the incident and started feeling the same fear in her body as she had felt on the day that unforgettable school incident took place. This usually happens in trauma as the fear gets trapped in the body and any time the traumatic incident is remembered the same frozen response of fear comes back to the surface.

During this incident, she was told by her parents that the abuser would drop her to school. Her parents were not aware of the abuse. So we tapped on:

Even though I’m afraid right now as I can feel that fear when my parents said that he will drop me to school, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and I want to remind myself that I’m safe right now, and this happened in the past and it’s not happening right now.

Her fear went down from 8 to 3.

I asked her to continue with the narration. She said that he dropped her to the school. He said something that made her fearful that the abuse could happen to someone else too; he could hurt someone else too. She suddenly garnered her strength and told him to end the abuse. She told him that she would tell everyone about his vile behavior if he did not stop the abuse immediately. She felt a shiver in her body as she was narrating this.

We tapped on:

Even though I feel this shiver now as I felt at that time when he said that “______”, and I thought that it may happen to someone else too, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

I am glad that I decided to stand up against him and face him and told him to stop. I choose to appreciate the fact that I confronted him and asked him to back off.

After this round of tapping she had a thought that she will start feeling better soon. Shifting her perspective about that incident worked!

Now she felt anger at her parents that they were careless and they should have looked after her. We dealt with her parent anger and her particular belief that things would have been different had the abuse not happened:

Even though I believe that things would have been different had those things not happened in the past, I choose to accept the fact that it did happen and no matter how bad it was, I choose to overcome it and feel better.

Even though it impacted my life, it is over, and I can overcome the side effects.

After a few days in the next session she said that the past didn’t bother her at all. But she felt a little fear coming up again when I tested her response by narrating that first incident again:

Even though I still feel fear when he said that he will lock the door, I choose to release this fear and feel safe.

Even though it was unpleasant, I choose to release this memory.

This took away her fear completely.

She also blamed herself for being cute as a child and for spending time with the abuser, and so we tapped:

Even though I blame myself for being cute, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I know that it wasn’t my fault.

Even though I blame myself because I spent time with him as I was lonely & I didn’t have any friends, and I blame myself for this, I love and forgive myself.

After this she has not re-experienced the trauma again. It has been 2 months.

EFT is a wonderful tool to help Adult survivors of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA). CSA survivors battle with the trauma throughout their lives. Traditional therapy doesn’t help much in these cases. EFT can release the trauma without re-traumatizing the individual. Lori Lorenz M.A, says, “We form our perceptions of ourselves and the world so early in life that the violation of sexual abuse can change the core assumptions of our lives.” This is precisely what EFT can help with – the assumptions formed due to abuse.