In the 1990s, Gary Craig simplified Dr. Roger Callahan’s Thought Field Therapy (TFT) from a complex tapping system into a single algorithm tapping technique. Why did Gary call it “Emotional Freedom Techniques?”

In the opening pages of his The EFT Manual (2008), Gary claims that EFT could free a person from negative emotions, years of self-doubt, grief over the loss of a loved one, anger, and negative memories involving rape or other abuse. He says “freedom” could also mean freedom to earn a greater income, to improve one’s golf score, to make cold calls with ease, to lose weight, and to become a public speaker, singer, or comedian. He states one can achieve freedom from the anxiety that drives one to addictions and freedom from PTSD, guilt, and depression. Gary writes, “I mean freedom to express love easily and walk upon this planet with grace and confidence” (pp. 25-26).

Most people who have done their share of tapping have experienced new levels of emotional freedom. One client is free from her vomiting phobia which stunted her life. Another client is free from migraines that kept her from planning with confidence anything in the future. Another client experienced freedom from Diet Coke, another from twice-a-day trips to Dairy Queen, another from late night binging. Another client is free from incessant negative self-talk that zapped him of energy. Still others are free from anger at that one person in their lives who used to drive them crazy. Many clients are free from childhood limiting beliefs about themselves, such as “I don’t deserve a good life,” “I don’t matter,” and “I’m invisible.” The increased emotional freedom I have witnessed proves Gary named his technique correctly.

Freedom to Dance

I wanted to feel more emotionally free when I attended my high school reunion last summer. I had not seen the vast majority of my classmates for 40 years having not attended the previous reunions. I knew old feelings of self-consciousness and awkwardness could make for one long, miserable evening if I didn’t do some tapping.

I did more than one round of tapping, but below is a summary of how it evolved. On the Karate Chop (KC) point I tapped:

Even though I won’t know anyone there and won’t know what to say, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway

Even though I don’t like social situations where I have to make small talk with strangers, maybe I can enjoy myself anyway

Even though I’m afraid of feeling self-conscious, what will they think of me? I accept myself and all of my feelings

Tapping through the points:

I’m afraid of going to my reunion

They don’t know me

I don’t know them

What will we say to each other?

It can be so awkward

Maybe it doesn’t have to be

Maybe I can enjoy myself!

That would be strange — but nice

All these fears about uncertainty

Maybe I can let them go

When I got to the reunion I was relaxed and expecting to have a good time. I had the insight from the tapping that these were just people, and it didn’t matter if we didn’t know each other well. I didn’t find the small talk annoying. In fact, I felt so at ease that when the music started I jumped up to dance in front of my high school classmates without feeling self-conscious. Before tapping, I would have preferred to stay in my seat.

EFT increased my choices of how to behave and how to feel in this situation. It didn’t feel difficult after tapping! I felt emotionally free at my reunion.

No one likes being criticized. During a recent EFT weight loss teleclass, we discussed the topic of body image and how to manage critical remarks. One woman (I’ll call her Amy) identified 2 specific events in which she had been criticized. The one that bothered her the most was by a boyfriend at age 17, who said to her “all you have to do is slim down your thighs and you would be perfect.”

Since that time, Amy has struggled with perfectionism, as well as feeling like she could never live up to the expectation of others. She felt as if she needed to be perfect before she could be loved by herself or others.

When you feel criticized, there are always a number of aspects that you can tap on to remove the sting. First is the remark itself. It’s often helpful just to tap as you repeat the words that were said.

Second, is how it makes you feel, especially how it makes you feel about yourself. Amy felt angry, hopeless and “not good enough.”

Third, is the meaning you give it, what you say to yourself, and the story that evolves from it. Amy told herself she wasn’t good enough, would not be loved unless she was perfect, and thought she could never live up to the expectations of others.

Fourth, is what you do as a result of it. Amy spent decades trying to be perfect in order to please other people in order to feel loved. She desperately wanted to lose weight, but whenever those feelings of anger and hopelessness were triggered, she turned to sweets to comfort herself.

Here are some of the tapping statements we used to collapse this issue:

Even though I don’t feel good about this issue … and I hate what he said to me, I love and accept myself.

Even though he said “all you have to do is slim down your thighs and you would be perfect,” and I thought his opinion was very important at the time …I love and accept myself anyway.

Even though I started believing him just because he said it…I accept myself anyway.

Even though I thought I wasn’t good enough…and I thought I could never measure up to other people’s expectations… I deeply love and accept myself.

Even though I thought I had to be perfect to be loved …and it made me angry, it made me feel hopeless…I accept myself anyway.

Even though I felt hopeless, I felt so judged, and it’s costing me…it was just my reaction…to a thoughtless remark…What was he thinking, saying something like that to me? I am open to the possibility that he was doing the best he could…I may have to accept it, understand it, and maybe even forgive.

Even though I felt so hopeless and angry, I choose to know that just because he said it, it doesn’t mean anything, and I choose to believe in my own worth and value.

EB: He said “all you have to do is slim down your thighs and you would be perfect.”
SE: That was his form of a compliment.
UE: It upset me … made me angry… and it’s affected me my whole life.
UN: It’s been a challenge to measure up to other people’s expectations.
CH: I’ve been hanging onto this my whole life.
CB: Believing what I was told…
UA: It made me angry.
TH: It made feel hopeless.

EB: It made me feel like I had to be perfect.
SE: And that felt impossible.
UE: I was always trying to live up to other people’s expectations.
UN: That was then and this is now…
CH: What if it’s time now to let this go?
CB: What if I could put this in perspective, and see it as just his careless remark?
UA: What was he thinking saying something like that to me?
TH: What if I could leave this in the past without any added meaning?

EB: What if it was just not about me?
SE: What if he was doing the best he could?
UE: What if I could choose to let this go?
UN: What if I could choose to see this differently?
CH: What if I am already perfect?
CB: And I don’t need to measure up to anyone’s expectations?
UA: I can’t change their opinion of me,
TH: I can’t stop people from judging me.

EB: But I can change my opinion of myself.
SE: What if I could love myself anyway, no matter what anyone says to me?
UE: What if I could feel comfortable in my own skin, no matter what?
UN: What if I could let myself relax about this?
CH: It was just a careless remark
CB: He had no idea how it would affect me.
UA: What if I could let this go…
TH: And accept myself just as I am?

Amy felt so much more peaceful after these rounds of tapping. She felt that she could leave this incident in the past and forgive the person who said it. This tapping allowed her to start to accept and love herself, independent of the opinions of others. It’s what we call Emotional Freedom.

Carol Solomon, Ph.D. MCC is a Psychologist, Certified EFT Practitioner & Master Certified Coach. She specializes in helping clients lose weight and eliminate food and weight issues. She is the author of “How To Stop Food Cravings and Lose Weight With EFT” and the EFT Weight Loss CD. Visit her online at www.EFTtips.com

Halloween…. it begins the long slide into the holiday season. Next is Thanksgiving, then comes Christmas and New Years. A lot of opportunities for socializing. This is fun and also terrible for many of my clients and women I know. There will be a lot of food and a lot of dressing up and sometimes a lot of comparisons and fears about how one looks.

I recently had a painful experience with someone whom I love who was really upset about having to go to a party and not feeling attractive. The more I tried to “convince” and talk to this person, the uglier she felt. I felt like I was in a trap. I realized, there is absolutely nothing and no one who could convince this person that she is beautiful. NOBODY. Even a gorgeous man (by her estimation) flirting with her would not change a thing. She would get temporary relief but it would never sink in to the bottomless pit of low self worth she was feeling. (I didn’t tap with her as it was not something she would do, unfortunately.) It made me really sad because to say that this was someone I cared about would be a huge understatement…. and then later I felt PISSED OFF. Because you know what I realized? This woman was just like me and so many women I know and work with.

I chose to work with body image, weight, self-worth and healing for women for a very good reason. It is my issue too of course, or has been to some degree or other over my lifetime. Though I feel I am a relatively confident and happy woman and love my body now, I am certainly not perfect, and things come up that trigger me, like this incident.

Healing is like peeling back layers of an onion. We heal many things and we are feeling good and then we get triggered by something and know there is more to clear. Well that is what happened here with me. I was grateful for the opportunity to go deeper into my own healing with this issue. I hope that we can all feel that way when something painful comes up. It’s an opportunity for more healing and growth.

Here is a simple process I use for this issue with clients.

The First Step:

Become aware that you are triggered and don’t brush it off. Pay attention to what is bothering you about having to get dressed up and socialize. Is it the clothes and how you fit in them? Is it seeing others and knowing they will say something about the way you look? Is there someone you judge yourself against? Do you wish you were taller, shorter, smaller, bigger (yes, that happens a lot too!), had different features, hair, etc. Be honest, and maybe write it out in a journal to tap on when you have time and space to address it fully.

The recent example from my experience: I was triggered by what my close friend was saying, how ugly and unattractive she felt and that she would never be the “ideal” woman next to all these model type girlfriends she had. She almost didn’t even want to go to the party at all… My first reaction was to justify, explain away how “wrong” that feeling was. Didn’t she know that nobody is the “ideal” woman and images in our society have changed so drastically over the years? I went into my body image rant about size and beauty and cultural ideals over the ages.

However, none of this intellectual explanation really touched the issue at all, of course. I also realized that I felt bad about how I feel I am not measuring up too. I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t having a reaction in that moment. I felt bad about myself next to those women too…. sad but true. I am deeply aware of the cultural norms and standards and how ridiculous they are, still hurts, ouch. One more layer to peel back of healing. Good to know!

The Second Step:

Release the beliefs and pain of them. Do not skip this step please. I think sometimes we get intimidated by our beliefs and emotions thinking this one is “the big one” I’ll never be able to change it…

No. Not possible.

One thing that I have learned in all the years of doing this work is that any belief that isn’t total love and acceptance for ourselves- no really- is simply false.

So please give yourself a chance and use any and all techniques, especially tapping of course to begin to address your beliefs around attractiveness and beauty.

Tapping For Feeling Beautiful:

1. Start with how you really feel about the way you look. Say whatever you need to, get it all out. Write it down if need be and tap on each feeling it piece by piece. Examples:

Tap on the side of the hand and repeat 3 times whatever the predominant feelings are:

“Even though I feel unattractive right now… I love and accept myself”
“Even though I feel awful when I compare myself to others…. I choose to love, accept and forgive myself now”
“Even though I still feel unattractive deep down and like I’m not pretty enough… I should look like..xyz.. I choose to fully and completely love, accept and forgive myself.”

Through the points on the body:

“I’m not pretty enough”
“I’ll never look like those women (you can insert whoever it is that you judge yourself against)”
“I’m not xyz enough” (tall enough, short enough, thin enough, you name it)
“I’ll never be the right size or shape”

Repeat all of the things that you find yourself feeling about the way you look. Be specific with it.

I recommend doing several rounds of tapping through the points until you feel some release or it brings up a very specific incident for you where you felt unattractive when you were much younger. That is what you want to tap on next.

While I was tapping I recalled a locker room incident that literally ruined sports for me I think when I was younger. I developed early and was the only person I knew with dark skin. I felt like I looked so different and of course, weirder than anyone else. Kids. We judge ourselves against our peers but we often retain the wounds of those beliefs into adulthood even though our adult minds know better. Our hearts and subconscious minds don’t. That is why all the intellectual reasons we give ourselves why we should “know better” don’t work. We have to pull out those thorns that still make us hurt deep down.

Tapping on the memory of feeling unattractive that came up:

On the side of the hand:

“Even though I remember feeling like a freak in the locker room in 8th grade, being so much more developed than the other girls and looking so different from them anyway and being sensitive about that already… I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself for taking on this hatred and shame”

Through the points I simply tapped on all of the different parts to the memory:

“I felt so freakish”
“I developed early and felt so embarrassed”
“I was too different”
“I had dark skin and totally different features to begin with”
“I hated being different”
“I hated being so much bigger than them”
“I was like an adult and had to hide that”
“I hated it”
“I was so ashamed”
“Why did I have to stand out so much?”
“Why wasn’t I like them?”
Etc…

Once I could feel myself getting a lot of emotional distance from it I tapped in some positive beliefs:

“I love and accept myself as I am”
“I’m just right, right now”
“I love myself, I’m a child of the divine”
“I am beautiful just as I am”
“I love my skin”
“I love my voluptuous body”
“I am special and unique”
“I love being my beautiful and unique self”
“I’m blessed and lucky to be me”
“There will never be another me, ever in all of creation”

For good measure I tapped on all the things I love about myself. I recommend doing that as well. Go crazy. Are you a good cook? Do your friends love to talk to you and say you are kind and loving? Do you love your hands? Your eyes?

This one cleared pretty quickly for me and left me truly believing what my intellect was saying again about beauty.

I have done this exact same process with so many of my clients now that it is truly amazing. I wonder sometimes if any of us escaped our childhood and teen years feeling acceptable?

It’s not real, this whole beauty thing. It truly is in our heads and hearts.

Let’s let compassion begin with ourselves.

The Dalai Lama says: “The world will be saved by the Western Woman.”

I believe that we save the world truly when we save ourselves. Let the war with our bodies end now and let’s get on with spreading the love and compassion that we are all meant to share.

Blessings my beautiful sisters,

Sandy

Sandy Zeldes is a Certified EFT Practitioner & Certified Nutrition Consultant with over 7 years experience. She helps her clients find relief relief with weight gain, stress, emotional eating, food obsession, and poor body image. Visit her online at www.eatlikeagoddess.com.

What do we do when we have been through enough trauma in childhood and have created a need for a coping mechanism like food to deal with all the unresolved feelings and trauma? What is one of the biggest common denominators for so many of us? We think somehow we must have deserved to be treated the way we were treated, it just feels so well, personal. We end up hating ourselves and usually denying our feelings or “stuffing them” as a coping mechanism. It works pretty well and helps us to survive as children but of course as we get older it starts to be pretty tough to feel good when we don’t have access to our feelings. It can be the cause of so much stress, pain and suffering. The coping strategy that helped us survive becomes a thick heavy coat we wear in summer.

I see this in terms of emotional eating and using food to cope with this kind of suffering and really all feelings that feel overwhelming, even joy eventually.

In our society we also often develop a lot of beliefs about our bodies that can help to perpetuate the problem as well. This lack of self worth, coupled with the societal pressures and beliefs often overlap.

Example of the issue at work and how to release it:

I recently worked with a woman who shared with me her earlier childhood traumas having to take care of her very dysfunctional mother at the early age of 5 years old. As a child she had taken this on as something wrong with her and felt very bad about herself that she couldn’t do all that was required of her. In her current life she is using food very obsessively binge eating and has an expresses a lot of self loathing. Of course, how could a 5 year old do all the laundry, cooking and shopping? We know this in our adult minds, intellectually, but she was still carrying this fear, trauma and low self worth it seemed once we began tapping.

The beauty of EFT is in the reversal statement…. “I love and accept myself.”

Why is that so important? Why do we need to say it? Why does it help to “un-reverse” us? Because I think so often when we are “stuck” with a negative belief process or trauma, what keeps it so locked in place is our lack of acceptance and love. When we shine the light of love and kindness through acceptance on an issue, it is like the sun burning off the clouds. We realize it is not our fault. We can look at it and move on.

What we resist persists… with EFT, we stop resisting and therefore begin to release stuck emotional experiences.

We tapped on:

“Even though I feel worthless and like I have to always take care of everyone else first… what if I could love and accept myself now?”

“I have to take care of everyone else first”
“I am worthless if I’m caring for others”
“I come last”
“My worth is in what I can do for others”
“Nobody cares what I need, and neither do I”
“I had to do everything for mom”
“I can’t love myself or feel worthy”

Then we added in a few rounds of tapping using the “what if” statement.

“What if I could?”
“What if I am?”
“What if I am worthy just because I exist”
“What if it is not my fault?”
“What if I was just a little girl and shouldn’t have had to do all that for adults…”
“What if I am worthy now”

We did several rounds of this using the “what if” statement and what was under the worthlessness was all this fear- the constant fear she felt in her childhood.

“Even though I’ve always been scared from the time I was 5 and I had to take care of mom… what if I could love and accept myself now?”

“I’ve always been scared”
“I’ve lived in fear”
“I’ve been living in fear for forever now”
“I’m used to this fear”
“All this fear”
“I have been living in fear all my life”

After several rounds we added the choice statement:

“What if I could love myself now”
“Even though I’m scared, what if I could love myself”
“What if I could love and accept myself now…”
etc.

By the end of several rounds of tapping and peeling back the layers, she felt much less self loathing. It was a great relief to her. The self loathing is often a huge thorn in our sides that perpetuates binge eating. When we pull it out, I often see binges subside.

Using love and acceptance is absolutely key to healing trauma and food and body issues. I can’t imagine how we would ever heal without it. Combined with tapping on energy centers such as meridian points is a way to super charge the process.

Blessings,

Sandy

Reprinted from the Emofree Newsletter, April 2009

“Bonnie” came to me with a complex trauma history. In our intake call, she reported having experienced almost every type of therapy available over her lifetime. She indicated that despite the many tools in her healing toolbox, she had recently become aware of a severe physical abuse memory. She knew it was negatively affecting her (giving her symptoms of heightened anxiety and fear, for example), but she did not know what to do with it.

From the beginning, Bonnie was very clear that she was fearful of re-traumatizing herself (this had happened before), although she did surprise me by outlining this trauma on her intake form. Even so, I wanted to honor her wishes by “sneaking up” however we could. After some gentle questioning, which led to some tapping and establishing a rapport together, it was clear that she was experiencing many intense aspects (body shame, feeling unsafe, anger, sadness) which all required slow, systematic attention with EFT.

While we were having good results removing the charge from Bonnie’s many intense feelings (and there were many of these, including newly emerging ones like feeling vulnerable, ungrounded, blowing any direction in the wind, angry, “I lost my childhood” etc.), I intuitively felt that we were ‘dancing’ around something deeper. At this point, I felt that a gentle visual approach may help cut through the Gordian knot or tangle of intense feelings she was presenting and help us get to the core.

A Guided Visualization

When the right moment presented itself, I decided to ask Bonnie if she considered herself to be a highly visual person. She said yes, and I then asked if she would like to do a guided visualization to a safe place – her very own sacred space where she could trust that everything that happened would be for the purposes of gently healing her deepest emotional wounds. She liked this idea, so I asked her to close her eyes and with her “mind’s eye” imagine a hidden doorway located somewhere in her office — a doorway that would lead her to her very own personal healing space.

She immediately described a door that existed very clearly for her in the back of her closet. As she described the door in enthusiastic detail, it became clear that she was truly ready to take a visual healing journey. At this point, I asked her to tap very gently through The Sequence (starting at the Eyebrow Point) as she entered the doorway.

Without hesitation she began describing a patio garden “like Mexico, but different” with a portico and high ivy-covered walls.

The scene was appearing to her without any direction from me, other than my checking in with “what’s happening now?” Or ”What are you feeling now?”

A wrought iron table and and two chairs clearly existed for her in the middle of the room and on the table was a candle surrounded by hurricane glass. She noted that the walls were high enough to allow her to feel protected and private, but also open enough to afford her a clear view of the sky and a Volcano in the distance!

Her mind had now created a scenario where she felt absolutely safe.

The Wobbly Angel

After some gentle tapping around her feelings about being in the garden, I asked her how she felt about inviting the most wounded part of her to join us there in some way. She indicated comfort with this idea and was soon describing a “giant black wobbly angel” moving closer to her through the trees. We tapped specifically (using just the Setup/Sequence shortcut) on her feelings about the angel (sadness, loss) and also for the angel’s feelings. She again brought up ‘blowing any direction in the wind’ and began quoting the angel, saying,

“Do you like me? Is it all right to be here? Have I broken a rule?”

She described that the angel’s form was changing as we were tapping. During this exchange, I was asking that she tune in to both her personal feelings and those of the angel, while tapping both globally and specifically and doing full rounds of EFT (minus the 9-Gamut).

I asked her where the angel was now. She said it was sitting across the table from her. I asked her what it looked like now. She described that it was an outline of herself, but like “Casper the Friendly Ghost” without much definition.

I have found that I can introduce something new to the scene sometimes to help move things along. In this case, I felt a version of the Movie Technique might be of assistance, so I suggested that there might be a giant magic telescreen available across the garden for them both to watch something healing.

Bonnie then indicated that she could see the screen, but there was nothing showing. I took a chance and again did what I call “making an offer,” asking her to notice if there was a remote control nearby. She told me there was. I asked which person was closest to it. She now indicated that it was sitting in front of her on the table “on her side of the candle.” Since I could sense intuitively that she was ok doing this, I asked her to turn on the TV. If she had indicated reluctance, we would have tapped on that!

Bonnie now described a scene on the screen slowly coming to life. Long story short, the scene reminded her of a loving uncle who had passed away. She felt intense sadness mixed with gratitude at this scene. She expressed (while doing a continuous, gentle tapping) that she was experiencing a profound feeling that both she and her daughters had been truly loved by this person in her life, and that a tender gratitude was flooding over her. Once we had tapped through and acknowledged all her feelings around this man (very specifically), the screen went dark, and she indicated that there was nothing to see anymore.

Exploring and Responding

I asked her now to turn and look at the “angel” part of her. As she did so, she reported that the “ghost” had morphed into a black and white vision of herself around the age of 5 years old — surrounded by a green aura. The interplay here becomes very important. I asked her to tell me how the little girl was feeling. Again the quotes “Do you like me? Is it all right to be here? Have I broken a rule?” came back, although I could tell from her voice that the feelings behind the words had become less intense. We did several full rounds of tapping just repeating those words, until the emotion subsided and more information bubbled into her awareness. [Note: I’ve found that tapping with these visuals in the narrative seldom requires me to take any kind of Intensity level and that ‘jumping aspects’ seems to slow down. In my experience, the next part of the journey will not be easily apparent if there is too much intensity remaining.] At this point, the black and white girl became a real little girl, in full color. This realization prompted Bonnie to break down in tears of appreciation mixed with a tender sadness for how beautiful this child part of her appeared.

I assume she was continuing to gently tap. The scene was so moving; I had forgotten to remind her to do so!

I’ve noticed in other sessions that as the child part becomes heard (and cleared of negative feelings with EFT), the child can tap for the adult and each can heal the other as if both are agreeing to naturally work towards wholeness and resolution.

Making Peace

Long story short, Bonnie was able to make peace with that “little girl” part of her during the next 15 minutes of taking turns tapping back and forth. As we were winding things down, I asked her if she would feel comfortable leaving behind a gift of some kind in appreciation of her sacred space and all that had happened. She decided to leave behind a small, white handkerchief, which she left deliberately folded on her chair. It was clear to both of us that Bonnie had made peace with a part of herself here in the garden.

A few days later, Bonnie reported that she had listened to the whole session and could not find “much intensity at all” around anything we had covered. Six weeks later, she reports that she remains “a lot better” than before our session:

“Before our session I could not leave the house. I was embarrassed. Now I am no longer stuck on just remembering. I am much more able to be functional. That session helped me put myself back together.”

I was not surprised to hear of her progress – the quality and breadth of emotional content that surfaced in the visual part of our session was pretty phenomenal. Thank you Bonnie for allowing me to assist you and to share this amazing session.

Sometimes binge eating is a coping strategy that develops in order to numb difficult or painful emotions. As a strategy, it can certainly work for a while in terms of “numbing out” difficult or painful emotions, but the consequences are often low self esteem as well as weight gain and a sense of feeling out of control. It can be scary to let go of something that “works” for us, however painful the consequences if we do not have another way to process our emotions. The other thing that happens often is that we can become unconscious of the process of reaching for food, and unconscious of our emotional experience because we are so used to avoiding it. I think we lose a big part of who we are in this way. This lost sense of self is another consequence for many women who use this coping mechanism in my experience.

It is a joy to see them find themselves again doing this work.

I have been working with a client who has been binge eating her entire life to deal with difficult emotions. She is very aware of her reasons for bingeing and even knows how to help others with emotional concerns, but not herself.

In fact this really annoys her that she can help others and not herself… (I hear this quite a bit by the way with women in the holistic or healing professions that I work with. We are great at helping others, but still struggle ourselves in some area that makes us feel like a failure.)

When we tapped on her frustration over this, another deeper issue came up about self worth which was so pivotal in healing her need to over-eat.

“I Can’t Help Myself”

I asked her to take a few slow deep breaths and then we began tapping. (Whenever a client seems to be in a desperate place where i can tell that they are not connected to their feelings or body experience, I always begin with closing the eyes and taking deep breaths. Try this some time, it really helps.)

Karate Chop (or Side of the Hand): Even though I am great at helping everyone else with their problems, but I can’t help myself, I choose to accept my feelings.

Even though I am an expert at being helpful for my kids and students, but when it comes to helping myself through this problem… I’m a failure… I choose to accept myself anyway.

Even though I’m totally humiliated and frustrated that I haven’t been able to help myself through this problem with over-eating and I’m ashamed… I choose to accept myself anyway.

(Often I will use all of the variations of how someone explains the problem to me on the Setup phrases. If they do not get a significant SUDs (Intensity Level) reduction after tapping several rounds, then I will be more specific by asking them exactly which feelings bring up the most intensity for them. Usually however, this works just fine.)

Eyebrow Point (EB): “I can’t help myself with over-eating”
Side of Eye (SE): “I’m great at helping everyone else”
Under Eye (UE): ” I’m actually an expert at helping everyone else”
Under Nose (UN): “But I can\’t do it for myself”
Chin (Ch): “I’m so ashamed”
Collarbone (CB): “I’m embarrassed”
Under Arm (UA): “I’m humiliated”
Top of the Head (ToH): “I’m a failure at this area of my life”

After around 2 or 3 rounds of tapping on being ashamed and humiliated that she was totally out of control in this one area of her life but so great in many others – she had an insight:

“Not Good Enough”

She realized that she had always felt embarrassed and ashamed, like she wasn’t really “good enough” and it wasn’t just about this issue.

We began tapping on all of the ways that she felt like a failure with food, and therefore her life:

Karate Chop (or Side of Hand): I’ve always been such a failure with food… and I choose to accept myself anyway.

I’ll always be this way, I’m a total failure with food and that means I’m a failure entirely! I choose to love and accept myself.

I’ll always be this way, I’m a failure with food and I accept and love myself completely now.

Eyebrow Point (EB): I’m a total failure with food
Side of Eye (SE): I’ll always be a total failure with food
Under Eye (UE): I’m a failure with food
Under Nose (UN): I’ll always be a failure with food
Chin (Ch): Because of this failure with food I am a total failure
Collarbone Point (CB): ”
Under Arm (UA): ”
Top of Head (TOH): I choose to know that I am not a total failure just because I have had this problem with food and I choose to know that I am healing this issue now.

This client was ready for a positive reframe at this point. I could feel her shift. Positive reframes won’t “take” if we try to use them too early before the unconscious mind is ready. I find that as I feel someone shift enough, I try introducing the new idea and see if it works. How do we know it works? Because the belief is shifted or we get a drop in the Intensity (or SUDs) Level.

After about 15 minutes of tapping on what came up around this, she felt much better. Suddenly it wasn’t an issue at all, and she had no intensity around being frustrated or humiliated about her inability to heal her emotional eating.

At this point in the session she was just extremely sad because of her sister’s problems with obesity and possibly dying from cancer. The sadness was extreme and it brought up her fears of losing her mother years earlier to cancer. There was a lot of stored up grief in these issues that were causing her to binge eat.

Sadness

Though it may sound obvious that an extremely painful emotion would be the cause of binge eating, or underlying the need to binge, I find that so many have no idea what the cause is! It just happens automatically and the actual feeling is suppressed, even when it seems obvious to us later! It is a powerfully intelligent defense mechanism that got created often when we needed it most, when we were very young.

We began tapping:

Karate Chop (KC) (or Side of the Hand), three times: Even though I’m afraid of losing my sister like I lost mom… I choose to love and accept all of my feelings now.

Eyebrow Point (EB): I don’t want to lose my sister
Side of Eye (SE): I can’t lose my sister too
Under Eye (EU): ”
Under Nose (UN): ”
Chin Point (Ch): ”
Collarbone (CB): I don’t want to lose her
Under Arm (UA): ”
Top of the Head (ToH): “

We tapped on this specific issue for several rounds, going back to the Karate Chop (Side of Hand) a few times too for the remaining fear of losing her sister until it was almost zero in Intensity (SUDs) level.

After this session, ALL of her sadness and grief diminished to the point where it just didn’t exist in her daily life anymore, and she had stopped bingeing entirely over this issue.

I believe that this was an example of unexpressed stored grief over the loss of her mother being triggered by this new experience with her sister. Identifying this hidden stored grief was of tremendous help to her in stopping bingeing.

Recently, I received the following email from Joyce, a friend who is also an author. I had seen her at a gathering several months ago. At the time, she was grieving the death of her husband. I mentioned that if she found herself stuck in grief I could help her get unstuck. The title of the email? “Hmmmmm, I think I’m stuck!” Here’s the email:

So I have this novel (I wrote) sitting here and I’ve started selling locally but I seem to be paralyzed with regards to the next step in advertising. I’ve just gotten a Twitter account and like so many things recently I’m drawing a blank as to what to say and how to handle what “might” come about from my advertising this book. I’ve dug into the issue and it “seems” as if I have this hesitancy because it “looks” like I’m moving on “too soon” after my husband’s death. I’m afraid I’m going to forget him and I can’t seem to face that. So I’m stuck and ready for help.

We scheduled a phone session for the following day. I asked her to print out a copy of my tapping chart, and to construct a positive affirmation written of what she wants in the present tense. I added that this positive affirmation should be only one or two sentences, including how she will feel when she gets what she wants.

During our phone session, Joyce shared that she felt as though her feet were in muddy cement when she thought about advertising her new book. Sometimes, when she pushed herself too hard, she found herself in bed curled in the fetal position, sobbing with grief over her husband’s death. Joyce’s voice cracked as she started to cry. I suggested that as she talked, she tap along.

Joyce shared her concern about what people would think about her putting so much energy into her book with her husband being gone for only five months. Then she shared that she felt guilty because she had had the thought before he got really sick that it would be easier if he were dead. She also shared that she had a lack of faith in herself. Joyce had sold about 100 books to friends, and when she asked them what they thought, many said they hadn’t read it yet. She felt disappointed that no one seemed to be reading her book. She wondered whether they just bought her book to be nice to her. She didn’t feel supported.

Early on in our conversation, I asked Joyce what her positive statement was. Actually, this is a version of a technique I learned from Lindsay Kenny called the Ultimate Truth Statement. Her affirmation was:

I am happy about my accomplishment and excited to have many people read my book.

The intensity rating with an Ultimate Truth Statement is the opposite of what is used for EFT. Joyce shared that when she read her statement, it only felt like a 4. The goal was 10. My role was to uncover what was keeping her from experiencing her Ultimate Truth Statement as a 10 and clearing it from her energy system.

Joyce then realized how complex this issue is. She said she was feeling some shyness around sharing her book, and that she was feeling exposed. I asked how she felt exposed. She replied that while her book was fiction, some people were asking about the shamanic processes the character in the book was performing. Joyce didn’t usually share her personal shamanistic experiences (except through her fiction), and this person asked her directly about the process.

I asked Joyce what specifically she feared. She answered that she was afraid she wouldn’t live up to their expectations. She reflected that it was her old “I’m not as good” story. She detailed how her story had been perpetuated by the parents, partners and friends she chose. I agreed that it was an old story that she had adopted at a young age. Then I asked her to remember a time where something really big happened that made her feel she wasn’t good enough. She shared a story about when she was seven or eight years old and had accidentally broken her father’s favorite beer glass and two more plates while helping with the dishes. She was made wrong and wasn’t allowed to do dishes after that (doing dishes was a fun activity in her family). I said, “If this was a video, what title would make her laugh? (I like using humor to move energy). Her title was “What a Smashing Time.”

Then I asked her to repeat her Ultimate Truth Statement, and without even tapping it went from a 4 to a 5. Joyce had been holding on to this story her entire life, and the intensity level was a 10. For the set-up phrase, we started with:

Even though this is a story that I have held onto for a long time, and I don’t know that I can let it go. I accept the part of me that wants to hang on to this old story.

Even though there is a part of me that is just so comfortable hanging on to being a victim. I accept that I have been holding on to this all of my life.

Even though I don’t want to let go of this story. I have made my parents wrong for their behavior. I accept that I don’t want to let it go.

Even though my parents were really unfair to make me wrong for breaking some dishes, and to not allow me to do the dishes with them. I accept that this happened.

The Reminder Phrase we used for the first round was “What a Smashing Time,” and I asked her say it while tapping each point. She laughed as she tapped. One round of tapping brought the intensity from a 10 to a 3! I asked Joyce if she had any insights, and she answered that she imagined her parents breaking dishes with her and all of them laughing about it. Then they all cleaned the mess up together. She did a creative reframe on her own. I asked her to say her positive statement with conviction and then assess what number it was at, and it had gone up to an 8!

Another round of tapping included:

I want to let this old story go
You can’t make me let it go
I choose to let this old story go
No one can make me let this go
I choose to let it go

This brought the intensity down to a 2. She realized her parents had given her a gift by not making her do the dishes, using the time to be creative. I then asked her to bless her water and as she took a drink to let go of the rest of this old story. Joyce said that she got a message as she drank the water from her husband that his passing had been a gift. She read her Ultimate Truth Statement and it was a 10! Joyce said she was ready to make a list of things to do about advertising her book. As she gazed out her window, she noted a difference in the shininess of the trees. Joyce felt renewed!

A follow-up comment from Joyce:

This session completely shifted the energy around my ‘stuckness’ and helped me move on. The addition of humor made a difference too. I’ve felt lighter since our phone connection and deeply appreciate your presence and intuitiveness that made our time together so personal. I was ready to work, you were there, and you helped me make it to the other side. Thanks.

Kieron Devlin’s recent article, Using EFT in Dreams, got me thinking: When I remember to acknowledge and remember my dreams, they can become powerful personal resources for me. This morning I found myself tapping intentionally around some dream scenes, which at first didn’t seem like a big deal. However, as I trusted, tapped and worked through each of them, I began to get some surprising perspective shifts and relief around stuff that had been bothering me…

Remembering Dream Images and Feelings

This morning I awoke with a memory of some very specific dream images and feelings. At first, they were unclear, only a few moments strewn together. Because the people in the scenes were familiar enough, it would have been easy to dismiss the memories casually as, “just a dream,” which I had often done. Today, however, I felt a little differently, because I was keenly aware that there was soreness in my jaw – a clear sign from my body that something was bothering me. Could the dream be worth exploring? Since I was already awake, I decided to sit on the edge of the bed and try to recall (and tap on) whatever feelings and scenes I could remember, even if they didn’t seem immediately important. As I began to follow and describe to myself the seemingly disparate images and feelings, several parts became more vivid (as they often do when I give small pieces of a dream my immediate attention). Soon I began to realize that the scenes and emotions involved were very significant for me.

The image I kept coming back to from the dream was the image of a former roommate, whom I’ll call Rachel. In the dream, Rachel and I were in a garage that I remembered from earlier in my life, and she was attempting to convince me to clean it out, which she had already started to do. As I looked around, I could see the garage becoming highly organized, almost like an art exhibit. I also noticed that being in there with her was very uncomfortable for me – and that I was quite irritated with her.

Give the Scene a Name

It is no secret to me that my memory of Rachel in real life is still highly charged. While it has been several years since we lived together, I still find it difficult to think about her, and picturing her still brings up intense negative thoughts and feelings. In this dream, I felt angry that she had somehow been “right” and also that she was being so presumptuous as to tell me what to do with the garage.

Thinking of Rachel in this way also reminded me of another part of my dream – a part where I was angry at my brother for trying to “force the issue” on something. So I made note of this to tap on later.

The more I returned my focus to the Rachel dream scene, the more details began to surface. Instead of just tapping all over what was happening in my mind, I decided to give the scene with her a title, which is an empowering and highly effective way to work with EFT. From my barely half-awake state, I decided to title the whole Rachel episode: Rachel Was Right. (Note: Like a version of the Movie Technique or Tell the Story, it is beneficial to give a painful memory or group of feelings a name. As part of this process, it also helps to rate the Intensity Level so we can test our progress later.) The intensity of this “title” was about an 8 out of 10, and I was aware that I had chosen a fairly provocative title for myself – but I decided to go with it. I also could recall a clear visual of Rachel moving boxes around and generally acting in what I considered to be her typically grandiose fashion – so I decided to use that too.

So, while picturing whatever images showed up, I began speaking and tapping on the Karate Chop point:

Even though Rachel was right, and that makes me mad, I am ok anyway.
Even though Rachel was right, and it burns me up, and I see her moving things around, I accept how I feel anyway.
Even though Rachel was right, and I hate that I’m dreaming about her, and I hate that she’s somehow right, I can see she’s helping me to make progress on this garage, I am open to acknowledging my conflicting emotions about her.

Tapping through the Sequence:

Top of the Head: Rachel was right

New Realizations Emerge

As I began tapping on each point in the sequence, some new realizations began to dawn on me, so I intuitively began to say whatever came to mind on each of the points. I knew I was on the right track because (1) I began feeling better and (2) my eyes and nose began watering like crazy:

Eyebrow: I was right too, she was taking over and that felt wrong to me
Side of the Eye: Rachel was right, and I was right too
Under the Eye: Our communication was poor, I never told her how much I appreciated her cleaning the basement (Note: this never happened in real life, but there were both conscious and unconscious parallels I was peripherally aware of)
Under Nose: I can’t stand that she was right! I hated that she was right…
Chin: Her grandiose behavior drives me nuts, but what she is doing is making a difference and making the garage a more special place

Weaving in Other Related Parts of the Dream

Collar Bone: I see the other neighbors across the street are appreciating our work. One guy across the street wants us to put his tree in our garage, and this feels good (Note: This is the dream folks, I’m just calling it as I remember it!)
Under Arm: Rachel’s work took us to a new level, I guess
Top of the Hand: It feels good to be have this level of communication with the neighbors, I’m in their garage now, looking at a big tree.

Going Back to the Original Title and Intensity

Inside Wrist: Rachel was right, seeing her face
Top of Wrist: Rachel was right, picturing her moving things around
Inside Wrist: Rachel was right, powerless, angry with myself, irritated at her
Top of Hand: Rachel was right and I am angry because I am powerless
Top of Head: Rachel was right, and I’m angry I never spoke up
Eyebrow: I never spoke up because I didn’t want to hurt her, I was protecting her
Side of the Eye: I never spoke up, because I was protecting myself from her defensiveness
Under Eye: Rachel was right, and so was I
Under Nose: Rachel was just being Rachel
Chin: This Rachel scene (Note: I notice the provocative title is naturally changing to a more neutral one)
Collar Bone: This Rachel scene
Top of Hand: This Rachel scene, and what it means to me

At this point in the tapping process, I notice there is not much charge left on the Rachel part of the dream. In fact, when I think of my relationship with Rachel in real life, my thoughts of her do not hold much intensity at all. While I don’t particularly want to meet her for tea, the anger and shame has dissipated greatly – which is a huge relief. Also, I notice that my jaw is no longer sore, which feels awesome! Next I move on to describing the dream images I have involving anger towards my brother, which I handle in similar way, tapping for “this brother anger,” while acknowledging the visual impressions I’m getting.

Other Dream Scenes

At this point I am aware of another component to the dream – an element of danger and a feeling of “unsafe.” I know I feel this, because when I picture one of the dream scenes involving one of the neighbors across the street, I get a distinctly familiar feeling in my stomach – one having to do with a significant traumatic group of events in my life. During other EFT explorations of these events in the past, I had given them the descriptive and somewhat innocuous name, “The Puppet Show.” I know what this title means to me, so I decide to give this lingering part of my dream the name: “This Remaining Puppet Show.”

I gently tap my Karate Chop point as I describe the scene and the title:

Even though I have this remaining Puppet Show, and all it means to me, I am slowly working through this…
Even though I see that man across the street, he’s involved in some dangerous stuff, some Puppet Show stuff, I accept myself anyway.
Even though I feel this Puppet Show in my body, in my stomach, and it obviously still bothers me, I love and accept all of me and all the parts of me…

Through the Sequence:

Top of the Head: This Remaining Puppet Show
Eyebrow Point: Seeing that man work on his car
Side of Eye: Seeing that man from across the street and remembering danger
Under Eye: This Remaining Puppet Show and it’s effect on my body and my life
Under Nose: All this fear in my stomach that still belongs to this Puppet Show – this tired old Puppet Show!
Chin: This lingering Puppet Show and all it has meant…
Collar Bone Point: This lingering Puppet Show
Under Arm: This lingering Puppet Show and the sense of danger
Top of Hand: This remaining Puppet Show and the sense of danger and fear
Inside Wrist Point: This remaining Puppet Show and the havoc it has wreaked on my body
Top of Wrist: This old, tired Puppet Show, I’m ready to move on from this!

Replaying the Dream

Just to test, I began to replay each part of the dream I could remember – everything from Rachel’s activities to the conversation with my brother to the man who brought up the feeling of “unsafe.” Nothing carried a charge anymore. My jaw, which is always my barometer for stress, felt relaxed and nothing, not even “The Puppet Show,” could dampen the lightness I was feeling.

Tonight, as I write this and recall this morning’s session – it feels empowering to know that as my body speaks, I might be able to learn to translate its signals more effectively. This process has also made me resolve to pay more mindful attention to the thoughts and feelings present in my dreams from now on.

The client’s name has been changed to insure privacy.

Stuart came to me recently because he was feeling stuck. He wanted to get a new job and he was procrastinating. We started with some generic statements:

Even though I feel really stuck, I accept how I feel
Even though I’m not sure why I’m stuck, I accept myself anyway
Even though I’m procrastinating, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway

Stuart felt a little more relaxed and I proceeded by asking him the following questions:

Why do you feel stuck?

What is stopping you from going for it?

Has there been a similar situation in the past where you’ve felt the same?

We tapped on:

Even though I’m scared to move forward, I deeply and completely accept myself
Even though I’m anxious about changing my job, I’m open to the possibility it won’t be as difficult as I think it will
Even though every job I look at, I think I’m not good enough, I accept myself and my feelings

With further tapping we revealed all of his fears: Fear that he wouldn’t be good enough. Fear of the unknown – would his new job be better or would it be worse? Fear of letting go of the known, fear of whether he would enjoy a new job.

Fear is a major reason for keeping us stuck. Most of the time though, the fear is worse than actually doing it! EFT can really help us eliminate our fears. We continued with:

Even though I’m scared of changing my job, I accept how I feel about this
Even though I’m full of fear about changing jobs and I just can’t move forward, I accept all of my feelings
Even though I feel stuck and I’m too scared to take any action, I feel safer just staying where I am, I accept all of me anyway

Eyebrow: I’m stuck and I’m scared
Side of Eye: I’m full of fear
Under Eye: It’s just too scary to take action
Under Nose: I want to change jobs but I’m too scared
Chin: I hate feeling this fear
Collarbone: I can’t stop feeling this fear
Under Arm: I don’t want to feel scared
Top of Head: I wish I could let this fear go and take some action

Eyebrow: I’m procrastinating because I’m scared
Side of Eye: I’m afraid and I’m stuck
Under Eye: Changing jobs is too scary
Under Nose: I can’t change jobs because I’m afraid
Chin: I don’t want to make mistakes
Collarbone: I’ll embarrass myself if I try
Under Arm: I’m scared and I won’t do it right
Top of Head: I wish I could stop procrastinating

We tapped on all of Stuart’s fears until they were gone. We did some positive rounds to help the shift to a more positive outlook:

I’m open to the possibility it will be easier than I think
What if I just tried
Maybe it won’t be so difficult
Maybe I can start with small steps
What if it was easy
Maybe I can do it
What if I enjoyed getting a new job
I can do it

We focused on his feelings of not being good enough. We tapped through four rounds on this before it was down to zero. Stuart then tuned in the objections that were coming up for him. He said that he felt he wouldn’t have the freedom he has now and he was worried about the impact his new job would have on his family. There was disappointment about losing his freedom. We tapped on this disappointment and it cleared in two rounds. The worry about the impact of his new job would have on his family just went without us tapping on it directly. Stuart felt a big shift was happening at this point. He could feel “dust and cobwebs” being cleared in his brain! We stopped tapping for awhile and drank some water whilst Stuart integrated these changes.

Stuart had been playing a movie in his mind of being in an interview and it going really badly, with the interviewers saying, “Why are you even here – You don’t have the right skills.” It was time to check in on this movie. I had him close his eyes and really try to recreate this movie. He could not recreate this movie – instead he imagined the interview going really and actually enjoying it. Then he imagined the call to say he’d got the job and how much his life had changed for the better when he started his new job.

At the end of the session, Stuart was feeling calm and excited about the possibility of changing jobs. What a turn around!

Louise Woods assists her clients from her private practice in Exeter, United Kingdom. Visit Louise on her website: www.freeflowingenergy.co.uk

A couple of months ago I was working with one of my Tapping Groups. We were tapping on particular issues that were keeping members stuck and preventing them from achieving their goals. “Sally” stated that she would really like to start running again. She claimed that running had helped her to lose weight in the past, but that she now felt self-conscious running in public. So we tapped for her. Although it wasn’t possible at that time for her to go out for a run and see how effective the tapping had been, she claimed to feel more positive and less apprehensive. At the following group she reported that she had in fact started running again!

It was after this that I started getting the crazy idea that maybe I should also do some running. Please understand, for me this was really a crazy idea, and anyone who knows me well would also be surprised! I’ve never been much of an athlete. A good swimmer yes, but a bit of a disaster on dry land! I hated running. I used to get stitches, shin splints and go bright red in the face and stay that way for at least an hour afterwards. One year in high school I came last in the annual Cross Country race. I remember arriving at the end and only my mother and one or two other people were still there.

My usual tactic with crazy ideas is to put them on the back burner and see what happens to them. When they don’t go away I take them out and have a better look at them. That’s what happened with this crazy idea. On closer examination I found that it brought up a lot of fear for me, in the same way that it had for “Sally”. I was literally paralyzed at the thought of what other people might say if they were to see me running. I was also seriously afraid that I was not going to be able to do this properly, and that I’d make a real fool of myself. I had visions of myself doubled over unable to breathe, let alone get myself home.

So I did some tapping for myself:

Even though I am so uncomfortable with what people will say if they see me running, I deeply and completely accept myself.

EB: I’m afraid they will laugh at me.
SE: I’m afraid they will call me names.
UE: I’m afraid that they’ll make nasty comments about my body.
UN: What if they think I’m useless?
Ch: I don’t want to be judged by others.
CB: I don’t want others looking at me.
UA: What if I’m not acceptable?
TH: I feel really uncomfortable putting myself out there like that.

EB: Does it really matter what they think?
SE: It’s not like I even know them.
UE: It’s not like I have to hear what they think.
UN: It’s just their opinion.
Ch: I don’t have to concern myself with their opinion.
CB: Their opinion does not have to define me.
UA: I don’t have to restrict myself because of something someone else might think.
TH: It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about me, only what I think about me.

Even though I’m afraid that I won’t be able to do this properly, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

EB: I don’t think I can do this.
SE: I’ve never been any good at running.
UE: I’m no good at this.
UN: I don’t even know why I want to do this.
Ch: I’m probably going to make a fool of myself.
CB: What if I can’t do more than a few metres?
UA: I don’t think my body can do this.
TH: I doubt my ability to do this properly.

EB: Everyone has to start somewhere.
SE: I don’t expect to be a superstar from the start.
UE: Maybe I can just take it at my own pace.
UN: I’m not that unfit.
Ch: It would be fun to try something new.
CB: Just because I used to be bad at this doesn’t mean it has to always be like that.
UA: I can just go out and give it a try.
TH: I think that I can try this.

After a couple of rounds I not only felt no more fear, but I was actually quite looking forward to trying it! On my first run I soon discovered that there was more to tap for. The part of me that always expects me to do something perfectly the first time and likes me to beat up on myself if I don’t was back. So I did some mental tapping as I went along.

Even though I’m not doing this perfectly, I’m going to be kind to myself and accept myself just the way that I am.

EB: I’m not doing this perfectly.
SE: Normally I’d be beating myself up for that.
UE: It’s ok for me to walk when I need to.
UN: The fact that I’m out here is wonderful enough.
Ch: Criticizing myself is only going to make me depressed and unhappy.
CB: I’m going to accept that I am doing the very best that I can.
UA: I’m going to praise myself instead of being hard on myself.
TH: I’m proud of myself!

That was about 2 months ago. I’m now running about 3 times a week, and have been able to consistently increase the distance that I can run in one go. I actually look forward to it and enjoy it.

I feel that I have already won the most important race of them all – successfully confronting and tapping away my fears so that I could tackle something that I had a very fixed negative belief about. I know for a fact that if EFT could help me to start running, that it can do the same for every other limiting belief that I have about myself and my abilities.

Caren Bestbier
www.eftwithcarenbestbier.webs.com