According to Transactional Analysis theory, I’m not ok, you are ok is one of the four life positions that a person can have in relation to oneself and others. In this position a person feels he is not good but the others are good and better than him. He compares himself with others and finds himself inferior to them. He feels the constant need to be recognized and loved by others. He/she does things to gain others’ approval and is eager and compliant to the demands of others. This can happen if as a child the person has been subjected to constant reprimands, rejection, unnecessary punishment and blaming by parents. He may not have felt loved and did things to get the love and approval from his parents.

As an adult this can lead to chronic self blame and the need to always please others.
Some of the symptoms of Chronic Self-Blame are :

Inability to forgive oneself for any mistake
Recurring negative thoughts about the self
Engaging in self sabotaging behavior
Suicidal Thoughts
Constant unfavorable comparisons with others
Anger and Hatred towards self
Tremendous guilt feelings for for mistakes made by others
Regarding others as superior than self
Constant need to please others
Inability to say ‘No’ to anyone

Consequences could be one or more of the following:

Depression
Inflicting pain or harming oneself deliberately
Psycho-somatic problems
Inability to handle relationships
Difficulty in performing tasks
Social Phobia
Addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling etc.
Getting into abusive relationships

Doing Personal Peace Procedure on early life experiences would be very helpful to uncover some of the core reasons behind self blame.

Make a list of all the negative life events and choose ten most negative life events (memories from your past which still bother you when you think of them vividly). Take each one up and tap on it until it stops bothering you.

Letting go of this tendency towards self blame is not an easy process but it can be achieved by daily EFT application on the following:

Even though I hate my “self,” I deeply and completely love and accept msyelf.
Reminder Phrase (RP): This hatred for my “self”

Even though I am not successful/rich/beautiful/… I deeply and completely love and accept myself the way I am.
RP: I am not successful/rich/beautiful/…

Even though I\’m always finding faults with myself, I deeply and completely love and FORGIVE myself.
RP: I’m always finding faults with myself

Even though I compare myself with everyone and find myself lacking, I deeply and completely love and FORGIVE myself.
RP: I compare myself with everyone and find myself lacking

Even though I blame myself all the time for ….(not being successful/not being pretty/ not being good enough), I choose to appreciate my ….(replace with one positive attribute that you have)
RP: I choose to appreciate my ….(replace with one positive attribute that you have)

Even though I feel guilty even when its not my mistake, I deeply and completely love and FORGIVE myself.
RP: I feel guilty even when its not my mistake

Even though I have this constant need to please others, seek their approval, I deeply and completely love and Accept myself.
RP: this constant need to please others, seek their approval

Even though I find it hard to love myself, I choose to love myself.
RP: I choose to love myself.

Puja Kanth Alfred
www.emofreetherapy.com

The client’s name has been changed to insure privacy.

Stuart came to me recently because he was feeling stuck. He wanted to get a new job and he was procrastinating. We started with some generic statements:

Even though I feel really stuck, I accept how I feel
Even though I’m not sure why I’m stuck, I accept myself anyway
Even though I’m procrastinating, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway

Stuart felt a little more relaxed and I proceeded by asking him the following questions:

Why do you feel stuck?

What is stopping you from going for it?

Has there been a similar situation in the past where you’ve felt the same?

We tapped on:

Even though I’m scared to move forward, I deeply and completely accept myself
Even though I’m anxious about changing my job, I’m open to the possibility it won’t be as difficult as I think it will
Even though every job I look at, I think I’m not good enough, I accept myself and my feelings

With further tapping we revealed all of his fears: Fear that he wouldn’t be good enough. Fear of the unknown – would his new job be better or would it be worse? Fear of letting go of the known, fear of whether he would enjoy a new job.

Fear is a major reason for keeping us stuck. Most of the time though, the fear is worse than actually doing it! EFT can really help us eliminate our fears. We continued with:

Even though I’m scared of changing my job, I accept how I feel about this
Even though I’m full of fear about changing jobs and I just can’t move forward, I accept all of my feelings
Even though I feel stuck and I’m too scared to take any action, I feel safer just staying where I am, I accept all of me anyway

Eyebrow: I’m stuck and I’m scared
Side of Eye: I’m full of fear
Under Eye: It’s just too scary to take action
Under Nose: I want to change jobs but I’m too scared
Chin: I hate feeling this fear
Collarbone: I can’t stop feeling this fear
Under Arm: I don’t want to feel scared
Top of Head: I wish I could let this fear go and take some action

Eyebrow: I’m procrastinating because I’m scared
Side of Eye: I’m afraid and I’m stuck
Under Eye: Changing jobs is too scary
Under Nose: I can’t change jobs because I’m afraid
Chin: I don’t want to make mistakes
Collarbone: I’ll embarrass myself if I try
Under Arm: I’m scared and I won’t do it right
Top of Head: I wish I could stop procrastinating

We tapped on all of Stuart’s fears until they were gone. We did some positive rounds to help the shift to a more positive outlook:

I’m open to the possibility it will be easier than I think
What if I just tried
Maybe it won’t be so difficult
Maybe I can start with small steps
What if it was easy
Maybe I can do it
What if I enjoyed getting a new job
I can do it

We focused on his feelings of not being good enough. We tapped through four rounds on this before it was down to zero. Stuart then tuned in the objections that were coming up for him. He said that he felt he wouldn’t have the freedom he has now and he was worried about the impact his new job would have on his family. There was disappointment about losing his freedom. We tapped on this disappointment and it cleared in two rounds. The worry about the impact of his new job would have on his family just went without us tapping on it directly. Stuart felt a big shift was happening at this point. He could feel “dust and cobwebs” being cleared in his brain! We stopped tapping for awhile and drank some water whilst Stuart integrated these changes.

Stuart had been playing a movie in his mind of being in an interview and it going really badly, with the interviewers saying, “Why are you even here – You don’t have the right skills.” It was time to check in on this movie. I had him close his eyes and really try to recreate this movie. He could not recreate this movie – instead he imagined the interview going really and actually enjoying it. Then he imagined the call to say he’d got the job and how much his life had changed for the better when he started his new job.

At the end of the session, Stuart was feeling calm and excited about the possibility of changing jobs. What a turn around!

Louise Woods assists her clients from her private practice in Exeter, United Kingdom. Visit Louise on her website: www.freeflowingenergy.co.uk

The client’s name and identifying features have been changed to insure privacy.

Kathy came to me in total frustration. She had gained a lot of weight in the last couple of years and besides that was overwhelmed and burdened with credit card debt. She was full of frustration, anger, and hopelessness. At 30, most of her friends were married and starting to buy houses. She felt so far behind her friends financially and didn’t like how she looked, and in her words: “I feel like a loser”.

We talked about both her weight and money issues and how they were related. I suggested she choose one for us to hone in on first. She chose to tackle weight first as that was most bothersome to her.

We talked about the idea of emotional eating and specifically about her eating habits. She was very self aware in that she recognized how she was “stuffing” in her anger at life, by eating and stuffing herself with food. She noticed she ate when she was lonely or feeling “low.”

I asked her to try to remember when she first turned to food for emotional reasons; for comfort. It turns out she had a history of this since when was young. She grew up in a household where her sister got all the attention and in her words “there was never enough for me.” Her sister got the better gifts, gymnastic lessons, and everything seemed to revolve around her older sister. Her parents doted on her older sister and Kathy always felt neglected or second best.

And so she ate – when no one was looking.

I tried to get specific with Kathy asking her to recall exact childhood experiences when she felt this lack of love, this “never enough feeling.”

We tapped on quite a few specific incidents where she felt unloved. One was a Christmas when her sister got great gifts and Kathy got shortchanged with skimpy gifts. She said the disparity was laughable. Her sister got glamorous gymnastic outfits, and more expensive well-thought out gifts. Kathy remembers getting a few pieces of clothing and a pair of earrings that she didn’t like – nothing special.

So we tapped on that:

Even though I got crummy Christmas presents while my sister got great ones, and I never got enough love, there was never enough for me, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though I didn’t get enough love from my parents, they treated me like a second class citizen, my sister got all the loving, she got the good Christmas gifts, and all the attention, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though I grew up without enough love or the right kind of loving and nurturing, my sister got it all so I had to turn to food for comfort and to feel better, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Then we tapped on the body points, saying “not enough love for me.”

Kathy and I worked together for about 3 sessions, tapping on various childhood/teen memories where she felt the pain of not being loved by her parents. Then we tapped on a few other emotional issues all of which typically led her towards food for compensating what was lacking in her life.

At this point, Kathy started to simply feel better about herself. She wasn’t as discouraged and angry about her situation. She was more optimistic and the next time I saw her, she surprised me and told me she had joined a weight loss program and even had a work out buddy. She seemed happy and “light”. Her whole attitude, the energy about her was different! A few weeks later, I asked her if she felt like there was any tapping left to do on this weight issue. She expressed concern that she’d get half way through the program and then quit. As that had happened to her before.

We got specific and it turns out there were times growing up when she’d accomplish something but didn’t get the full recognition or praise she’d hope for so she starting thinking “why bother.” And she started quitting on things.

To avoid this self sabotage, we tapped on these specific memories.

As I write this, Kathy is now finished her weight loss program – she looks great, feels more energetic and is excited to continue this as a lifestyle program.

She now feels ready to focus on her money issues, although since they are closely related, she is already on her way to improvement in that area.

I always like to finish our sessions by tapping on some positive thoughts. These were the ones I chose for our last session on the weight issue:

I love eating in a healthy manner and I feel great
I am the perfect weight and I feel healthy
I have all that I need
I inspire others
I feel good and I have lots of energy
I am a confident woman and people are drawn to me
I love myself and I appreciate myself
I enjoy respecting my body by eating healthy foods

Jessie Diane Wyatt
www.holisticallyyours.org

The process of uncovering the connection between physical pain and possible emotional contributors to the pain excites me. As a Holistic Wellness Counselor/EFT Practitioner, it continues to fascinate me to see how interwoven the two are.

This doesn’t diminish or take away from the validity or truth of our physical ailments. But rather, what’s important in our journey to healing is to discover how our emotional issues can fuel the pain and hold us back from healing.

I had a client, a fellow in his late twenties, come to me for back pain. He’d read about EFT and wanted to give it a try for the pain. He explained to me how he exercises, works out regularly, has tried physical therapy, acupuncture, sees a chiropractor every week, and yet he still has back pain. His MRIs showed nothing to account for the amount of pain he suffers. He’s driven himself mercifully trying to get rid of this pain.

We started off by tapping on the physical pain and frustration:

Even though I have this problem; I’ve had it for years—this back pain that doesn’t go away, even after trying everything to heal it. I’m discouraged and frustrated by this lack of healing.

I’m angry about it. It depresses me. After all this effort, it should be better! It doesn’t feel fair. I feel cheated. I should be better and stronger. I’ve worked so hard at trying to get rid of this back pain.

My back pain should be gone—it’s not fair. But despite this back pain I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

We tapped on each of the sequence points, saying “this back pain, which won’t heal” and “I’m discouraged and angry”

As we talked and tapped we discovered that the first time he had back pain was as a young teen, when he started vigorously lifting weights to build himself up. He was always the skinny kid and tired of being teased. So, he engaged in dangerously aggressive physical workouts in an attempt to improve his body

We explored and tapped on being not good enough, not built up enough, being too skinny, and all of those related issues.

We next uncovered that his mother didn’t think he was good enough and told him he wouldn’t amount to anything. So we tapped on a few specific events dealing with his mother.

As we continued to tap on all of these specific events (“table legs”), slowly the issue of not being good enough and not looking good enough started to collapse. As the table legs (events) started to collapse, he noticed his back pain starting to diminish. This didn’t happen after one session, but after about a half dozen sessions.

Equally important, he started to feel lighter, more tolerant, and accepting, and more relaxed about life in general. He noticed these shifts even before his back pain started to improve! He said he no longer felt quite so critical of himself or others.

We always finished our sessions with a round of sequence point tapping and some positive affirmations. Since we’d cleared his energy system of disruptions from negative feelings, we wanted to reprogram his subconscious with positive replacement thoughts such as these.

I am on a wonderful journey towards complete healing
I look good and I feel good
My back is strong and healthy
I let go of the need to be perfect
I accept myself the way I am
I heal easily and fully
My back is strong and flexible and feels good today
Everyday I am learning to appreciate myself more
I am choosing to enjoy life
I’m choosing to be happy and to accept myself

Jessie Wyatt

This article is available in Spanish. Go to the Spanish translation.

I’ve tried tapping on food cravings in the past without success, but recently while tapping I had a bit of an AHA moment, which I thought I’d share in case it might be of use to anyone else.

I’m in the process of changing my diet and it is resulting in some food cravings. The first few days I couldn’t shift the cravings at all with tapping. Then a few days ago I found myself tapping in a different way and it was really effective. I realized that in the past I have been tapping basically with a whole lot of judgment. Even though I’ve been saying the “Even though I’m craving this food I deeply and completely love and accept myself,” the bottom line has been that I don’t accept myself at all – I’m judging myself big time for even having the craving.

What finally shifted the cravings (and so far they haven’t returned!) was total acceptance of the fact that I wanted the foods. I tapped with things like:

Even though I REALLY want to eat X, I give myself permission to crave this food.
Even though I SO want to eat X, I allow myself to dream about eating it.
Even though I REALLY want to eat X, I want to eat a whole bowl and then another one, I give myself permission to want to eat as much as I want.

Then I tapped through the points getting really graphic about exactly what I wanted to eat and how much. In doing so the energy shifted and I realized that the cravings were largely coming from a feeling of being deprived of the particular foods I wanted to eat. When I gave myself permission to really want and crave the foods, that part of me must have no longer felt deprived and so no longer wanted the unhealthy foods I’d been craving.

The power of “and I love and accept myself” is so great, but we really can deceive ourselves at times just saying it and not seeing the judgment we are really feeling.

Jo Hainsworth

My friend, Theresa (not her real name) needed a session. She had been feeling “down” and “off in a box” at her job. While she acknowledged that she had created a wonderful opportunity for herself at her current job, she lately found herself feeling trapped, decidedly “off her path” and unable to market herself in her chosen field.

Before we did any tapping, she talked about all the feelings her work life was triggering in her: overwhelm, confusion, frustration, fear of starting anything, and fear of stepping out and pursuing her dream. She was very upset, and I was briefly concerned that we might go around and around without ever finding some resolution and healing in the time that we had together. In retrospect, I was clearly “in my own way” from the beginning!

After listening to her express her frustrations, I gently offered a direction for our session. I was keenly aware that we only had about half an hour to see what would happen, and I had it in my head that we could potentially work on the energy of fear that seemed to overwhelm her so much. I usually avoid interrupting people and making observations, but I felt I was on a roll:

“Excuse me for interrupting you, but it sounds like there is a lot of fear. You don’t have to tell me what the fear is about — unless you need to.”

She responded quite strongly that she was stuck in confusion – not fear. I finally took this as my cue to remember to step back and let her express as much as she needed to in her own time. It wasn’t easy at first, because I was just so sure I knew a good doorway for us. I remembered my role as witness, and quietly waited while she reconnected with what she had been going through.

No sooner had I stepped back when a crystal clear path began to naturally unfold. She said, quite suddenly and unequivocally:

“I’m never going to come together. I’m never going to get out of this place. I’m an eternal student. I’ll never master anything. I may have done it once, but I feel overwhelmed. I feel like a little girl. It’s too big. There are too many steps…”

Jade: “What do these feelings remind you of? Do you remember feeling this way before?”

While doing a continuous tapping, she said she remembered feeling that way about homework as a young girl. She remembered being seven years old and living with her mother who, in her words, could be “angry and terrifying.” Theresa’s survival strategy had always been to make herself small and retreat. Because her mom’s “rage fits” were so terrifying, she often felt like she could not ask for help and had to (in her words) “be perfect right out of the box — fully formed at all times” to avoid her mother’s anger. As she tapped, she spoke her truth as she recalled it:

“I feel completely insufficient. Something is deeply wrong with me. What the fuck was I going to do? This is the end of the world. I remember having to trace a continent or something. It seemed impossible. I saw all these steps — cities and rivers, running together… I freaked out… I thought I had to be perfect… I had a meltdown right there… panic… this deep welling up — everything went white and dissolved into nothingness. I couldn’t ask for help. There was no one to help me. My life was over. I’ve failed third grade. There is and was no way out. It never occurred to me to ask for help. I felt I had no options.”

Jade: And you were living with someone terrifying?

Theresa: (laughs) Yes. I felt like I was always supposed to know. I couldn’t learn like other people. I had to just know. I felt it was over for me, like, “It’s over for you. It’s over for you.”

Jade: (offering tapping on the Karate Chop point) “Even though it’s over for you…”

Theresa: (repeats several times) It’s over for you. I think my mom eventually did ask me what was wrong and helped me, but it was horrible.

At this point, I consciously made what I call a strong visual offer (a la Inner Theater or Matrix Reimprinting): I asked Theresa if she saw the little girl in her mind’s eye. She indicated that she did — that she saw her sitting at her little desk — blond bangs and glasses.

As we talked and tapped, I asked Theresa how the little girl was feeling and how she felt about seeing the little girl struggling so much. Next, I asked if the little girl saw her watching her. I then spontaneously spoke for Theresa and she repeated:

“Hi, I see you’re going through a lot. I’m coming back in time to help you. You’ll be helping me too.”

I asked how the little girl responded, and Theresa indicated that the little girl was curious about her. Would she like to follow along with a tapping game? There was then a gentle back and forth where the little girl spoke her truth in that moment, including “I can’t do this, I don’t know how to do this, I’m not good at this.” After a round of sticking with the little girl’s negative feelings, I threw in some positive reframing language that Theresa enthusiastically picked up:

“I can learn how to do this. I’m learning right now. Everybody’s got to start somewhere.”

By the third round, Theresa indicated that the little girl was ready to go to her grandmother’s house and roll around. She also noticed that there was a big smile on the little girl’s face!

Theresa’s voice carried an audible lightness as this point, indicating to me that she was clearly at a good place to end our session. It was perfect timing — because her friend had just arrived at the door.

I received this email from Theresa the next day:

“I can only describe our session as a lyrical, gentle journey to a surprising place.; defining the core feeling, and ending up in a past event which, in hindsight, I’d always remembered clearly, but had always disregarded as kind of a “nothing” event. A small player. Well, who knew? Ahem, most definitely not my conscious wiley-mind – which can apparently drive by discomfort sooo smoothly — I don’t even see it there, on the side of the road, with it’s thumb out…

When we hung up, I can absolutely say that where there had been dispiritedness and a fair measure of panic around the topic, I instead felt my heart warm, and my spirit glow-ey. And my funnybone back! Ah, now that’s success.

Today, 20 degree weather aside, I remain warm, light of heart, and in a really excellent focused and creative flow. I’m having a great day, for no reason. The best kind. And – I actually look forward to doing a bit more with this one. Imagine, wanting to ‘go there’!

Thank you. I needed to hear myself try to rationalize how I was feeling.

When I was writing this article, I thought it was going to be about the power of following feelings back in time: “What does this remind you of?” However, I think the real crux of the story is about how I was essentially asked to get the heck out of the way of what she needed to express. I’m thankful I recognized the need to shift gears, because not only was I rewarded with valuable information, but I was given the opportunity to trust her process. Conversely, I think my playing the role of director actually provided the impetus for her to step more confidently into her own power in that moment: When she asserted her feelings and I stepped aside and accepted her need to talk, that was when our true rapport kicked in and the healing doorways opened.

Jade Barbee
www.EmotionalEngine.com

My client from Brazil, Cynthia, a very creative and versatile woman, came to me last year to find some relief for her “love pain.” She had tried EFT by herself with some success, but she was overwhelmed as there were innumerable issues to handle, and she felt that we wouldn’t be achieving much even with EFT.

She was trying to get over a recent break up with her abusive boyfriend. She was prone to self-sabotage and toxic relationships; was depressed and had a challenging family situation. She wanted to go back to her ex-boyfriend despite the emotional and physical abuse that he had inflicted on her. She would frequently alternate between praising her boyfriend and then verbally abusing him in the sessions. She felt anger towards herself for wanting to go back to him. Guilt, shame, annoyance, frustration, anger and a sense of betrayal, were the predominating emotions.

She despaired that she would never get rid of this cycle of abusive relationships — as she had been in another abusive relationship sometime back. The desperation to go back to him was so great that she started carrying a list of reminders regarding why she should hate him, to prevent herself from going back to him. It was compounded by the fact that she had an abusive childhood.

After a couple of sessions, she realized that she enjoyed the domination and humiliation of an abusive relationship — as she confused it with love. She thought that her being beaten up as a child was her fault. We dealt with the family abuse in the sessions along with the love pain. There were significant cognitive shifts with regard to her family abuse and reduction in her anger but the love pain did not go away. The change came only after the two significant sessions. The following are details of 2 sessions worth of affirmations that brought about an enormous change in her “love pain” state.

Even though I want him to want me, I love and forgive myself. Even though I know it may not be good for me to want him, I love and forgive myself for wanting him.

Even though I want to take revenge from him as I believe I have an upper hand in our non-existent relationship, I love and accept myself.

Even though I wanna hurt him by making him love me again and then reject him, I love and accept myself and I want to accept that my want for him is based on avenging him.

Even though I wanna hurt him and I feel horrible for wanting to hurt him even though he hurt me, I love and forgive myself.

She felt very lonely due to the lack of a stable family background:

Even though I like being alone but not being lonely…

Even though I want to go back to my boy friend because I can’t be alone and I would prefer to think of him as a good man instead of remember all the bad things that happened in the relationship, I love and accept myself. I choose to remind myself that he may be a good man but that goodness was not there when I was with him.

Even though I feel guilty for him not showing his goodness, …

She felt very guilty about walking out of the abusive relationship. At the same time she didn’t want to lose him completely and was jealous of him being with someone else:

Even though I still feel guilty for treating him badly, I choose to understand that I was protecting myself.

Even though I feel guilty that I rejected him many times and now by rejecting me he is doing the right thing because I need punishment for rejection, because I deserve punishment, I love and accept myself. I want to understand that I was trying to protect myself from pain and I didn’t intentionally want to hurt him. However, I doubt if he was really hurt.

Even though I’m jealous that somebody else may get the love that I didn’t get, I choose to be grateful that I’m out of that relationship. I want to accept that I need a respectful and compassionate relationship. I deserve that.

Slowly and steadily through EFT, she was able to get a lot of her self-esteem back. Her wanting to go back to her boyfriend went away completely by the time we had finished our sessions. Sometimes when she feels lonely, she does miss him (which is natural), but she has started dating now and is looking forward to having a healthy relationship. We also worked on her money blocks and now she is working towards getting financially independent again.

Puja Kanth Alfred
www.emofreetherapy.com

I’ve been working with a client from Germany, who has systemic, progressive Scleroderma. Systemic means it is all over his body – attacking organs, making his skin hard like leather and inflexible. His hands are tight, hard, and bent into claws. Progressive means the disease is progressing fast. He has problems with the overall blood supply in his body, especially to his extremities. At every doctor’s visit, he gets heart and lungs checked for symptoms of the disease.

Right now he is having problems mainly with his esophagus. Obviously, it too has hardened and become inflexible, so he has problems and pain when he needs to swallow food.

We had our first phone session for just one hour. I only addressed his disease in general as a problem, such as:

Even though I have this illness….. I am okay
Even though I am afraid I will never get over this illness … I am okay
Even though I am afraid to deal with this problem …
Even though I can’t believe there is any help for me … I am okay with me and my poor, sick body
Even though Baerbel tells me there might be relief… I am afraid to have any hopes…
because it’s painful to be disappointed again … and because all doctors told me it’s incurable…
and I have to live with it… I choose to be open to participate in the therapy… and I’m still okay
Even though it’s hard for me to trust… that there could be positive changes in how I live with this illness…
and here she comes and tells me so… it’s hard to believe… I am afraid of being disappointed again…
and Even though she represents hope for me… and I just feel her confidence about being able to make
positive changes in my disease… I am still okay
Even though I might not be able or willing to do everything to lessen my problems… I am still okay…
Even though I have this illness… I am okay just the way I am… and I accept my body the way it is…

On our second session he was very excited to tell me about this:

He has had an open wound on his finger for more than one year. This wound would hurt, be inflamed and not heal at all, no matter what the doctors tried. So again, they told him he had to live with it! On the morning after our first session the crust on the wound broke open and started to discharge a lot of puss. Then it closed, cleanly, without any discomfort whatsoever.

That experience is not only good for his health, most of all it was a great motivator for him, to hope again. This made him believe that there still is power within himself, that he still will be able to accomplish positive changes for himself. It will help a lot, because it changed his mindset, he now strongly wants to go forward.

Wow! I do like my job – you know!

I’ll keep you posted on this ongoing work. I just can’t help feeling very positive about possible improvements, always have.

In the meantime, I thought I’d add a few ideas which are good to know in general, maybe even before therapists start working on severe cases:

I believe the most important thing for therapists is to have strong, solid rapport. This allows the clients to work with you, even when they really don’t feel like it. It is hard work for both client and therapist! This will carry both of them through tough times of not being able to believe that they will get better or onsets of depression, which are common in those cases. Good rapport enables the client to trust in whatever the therapist comes up with, to make it possible for them to again go another step forward. I often also find that, as a woman I cannot come “from Venus” but have to “be from Mars” (thank you, John Gray). It is different working with women than with men who have chronic diseases.

There is a certain unpredictability how clients with serious diseases behave over time, caused partly by how painful the impact of physical symptoms is. In addition, we will have emotional instability from depressive thoughts – from the awareness that this will take ongoing work for a while and the physical limitations will still be there, at least to a certain degree. Therefore it is crucial for them to see and acknowledge even the slightest improvements on a daily basis, and that’s where the creative work of the therapist comes in. For the therapist EFT will help to release uncomfortable feelings about his/her own capacities.

I have my clients fill out symptom charts, in which they answer different questions about how they feel about their symptoms that particular day. I do that before and after the session. It is enormously gratifying and assuring for both client and therapist to see the much lower levels of physical and emotional symptoms on their chart after the session is over. As a hypnotherapist, I do work with what I call Relaxation Therapy, it always provides solid relaxation of body and mind. That will carry the client through many hours of the day with relief of pain big time, even if there is not a direct response to the EFT part of the session. Especially in serious diseases that may come later, or it may also come suddenly in a bundle. Hope this will help to answer most of the questions.

Yes, I still love my work.

Update: Physical Improvement Continues

Six weeks passed and I continued to work on the phone – doing EFT across the Atlantic with my Scleroderma client in Germany. Improvements so far were quite numerous – both physically and emotionally. He cut his meds dramatically, lowering the Cortisone that he used to take in very high doses. He was able to do that because the inflammation in his body is decreasing.

His doctor did a blood test recently to measure inflammation in his body. Before, his numbers were always somewhere between 40 and 70. Now he is at 20; 10 would be considered a normal, healthy number. This is the first time he has been at 20 since he has been diagnosed and tested. This is medical proof of his progress. Due to this much lower pain, he now needs less and less medication; during the last two weeks he only took 2 doses. Before, he needed a big dose 3 times a day.

Swallowing was getting painful for my client when we started working together because of the hardening of his esophagus. It seems he can now swallow without problems.

Because of the hardening of the skin on his hands, shoulders and face he has needed massages twice a week. The massage therapist mentioned to him the other day that the skin on his hands, which used to be extremely tight and tough, now definitely is becoming smoother, more elastic, and flexible. It also has improved in thickness, especially on his knuckles. Before the skin there was paper thin; you could see the bone underneath.

The emotional improvement is also amazing.

I am still coaching him through practical changes he needed to do in his work (he has his own business). He needed to turn his life around quite a bit and he did!. He now takes times out during the day for himself, to rest, to pause, to do some exercise. He has taken up swimming again and started running at a slow pace. This is the man who couldn’t do any exercise previously, because his body was hurting too much.

We have done a lot of tapping on his anger and frustration, on his grief and despair. He hated his body, because it refused to do what he wanted it to do; we tapped on that and we’re still not finished.

Even though I hate my body… I can’t do anything any more…
all the things my body used to do so well for me… and I always could rely on it…
can’t do it anymore… it’s a joke… I can’t even hold a pen anymore…
I can’t do the work I love any more… took it away from me…
Even though I am being punished… don’t know what for… everything that was ever important to me…
my body refuses to do now… I now choose to accept my body…
it is my oldest, very best friend… just the way it is! I now choose to understand…
I have to learn how to treat my body… like my oldest, very best friend!

Right now it looks as if the progression of Scleroderma has stopped. It has even started to reverse in some areas. His immune system seems to work for him now, instead of against him like earlier.

My client has always been an “overachiever.” He has forever pushed himself over his limits, and that could be one of the reasons he’d gotten this illness in the first place. The good thing is that we can now turn his ambitions around and use this extreme commitment for his own benefit!

Even though he has come a long way, there is much more to do in his case. Stay tuned for further followup.

Baerbel Froehlin
www.smoothchanges.net

Kieron Devlin’s recent article, Using EFT in Dreams, got me thinking: When I remember to acknowledge and remember my dreams, they can become powerful personal resources for me. This morning I found myself tapping intentionally around some dream scenes, which at first didn’t seem like a big deal. However, as I trusted, tapped and worked through each of them, I began to get some surprising perspective shifts and relief around stuff that had been bothering me…

Remembering Dream Images and Feelings

This morning I awoke with a memory of some very specific dream images and feelings. At first, they were unclear, only a few moments strewn together. Because the people in the scenes were familiar enough, it would have been easy to dismiss the memories casually as, “just a dream,” which I had often done. Today, however, I felt a little differently, because I was keenly aware that there was soreness in my jaw – a clear sign from my body that something was bothering me. Could the dream be worth exploring? Since I was already awake, I decided to sit on the edge of the bed and try to recall (and tap on) whatever feelings and scenes I could remember, even if they didn’t seem immediately important. As I began to follow and describe to myself the seemingly disparate images and feelings, several parts became more vivid (as they often do when I give small pieces of a dream my immediate attention). Soon I began to realize that the scenes and emotions involved were very significant for me.

The image I kept coming back to from the dream was the image of a former roommate, whom I’ll call Rachel. In the dream, Rachel and I were in a garage that I remembered from earlier in my life, and she was attempting to convince me to clean it out, which she had already started to do. As I looked around, I could see the garage becoming highly organized, almost like an art exhibit. I also noticed that being in there with her was very uncomfortable for me – and that I was quite irritated with her.

Give the Scene a Name

It is no secret to me that my memory of Rachel in real life is still highly charged. While it has been several years since we lived together, I still find it difficult to think about her, and picturing her still brings up intense negative thoughts and feelings. In this dream, I felt angry that she had somehow been “right” and also that she was being so presumptuous as to tell me what to do with the garage.

Thinking of Rachel in this way also reminded me of another part of my dream – a part where I was angry at my brother for trying to “force the issue” on something. So I made note of this to tap on later.

The more I returned my focus to the Rachel dream scene, the more details began to surface. Instead of just tapping all over what was happening in my mind, I decided to give the scene with her a title, which is an empowering and highly effective way to work with EFT. From my barely half-awake state, I decided to title the whole Rachel episode: Rachel Was Right. (Note: Like a version of the Movie Technique or Tell the Story, it is beneficial to give a painful memory or group of feelings a name. As part of this process, it also helps to rate the intensity level so we can test our progress later.) The intensity of this “title” was about an 8 out of 10, and I was aware that I had chosen a fairly provocative title for myself – but I decided to go with it. I also could recall a clear visual of Rachel moving boxes around and generally acting in what I considered to be her typically grandiose fashion – so I decided to use that too.

So, while picturing whatever images showed up, I began speaking and tapping on the Karate Chop point:

Even though Rachel was right, and that makes me mad, I am ok anyway.
Even though Rachel was right, and it burns me up, and I see her moving things around, I accept how I feel anyway.
Even though Rachel was right, and I hate that I’m dreaming about her, and I hate that she’s somehow right, I can see she’s helping me to make progress on this garage, I am open to acknowledging my conflicting emotions about her.

Tapping through the Sequence:

Top of the Head: Rachel was right

New Realizations Emerge

As I began tapping on each point in the sequence, some new realizations began to dawn on me, so I intuitively began to say whatever came to mind on each of the points. I knew I was on the right track because (1) I began feeling better and (2) my eyes and nose began watering like crazy:

Eyebrow: I was right too, she was taking over and that felt wrong to me
Side of the Eye: Rachel was right, and I was right too
Under the Eye: Our communication was poor, I never told her how much I appreciated her cleaning the basement (Note: this never happened in real life, but there were both conscious and unconscious parallels I was peripherally aware of)
Under Nose: I can’t stand that she was right! I hated that she was right…
Chin: Her grandiose behavior drives me nuts, but what she is doing is making a difference and making the garage a more special place

Weaving in Other Related Parts of the Dream

Collar Bone: I see the other neighbors across the street are appreciating our work. One guy across the street wants us to put his tree in our garage, and this feels good (Note: This is the dream folks, I’m just calling it as I remember it!)
Under Arm: Rachel’s work took us to a new level, I guess
Top of the Hand: It feels good to be have this level of communication with the neighbors, I’m in their garage now, looking at a big tree.

Going Back to the Original Title and Intensity

Inside Wrist: Rachel was right, seeing her face
Top of Wrist: Rachel was right, picturing her moving things around
Inside Wrist: Rachel was right, powerless, angry with myself, irritated at her
Top of Hand: Rachel was right and I am angry because I am powerless
Top of Head: Rachel was right, and I’m angry I never spoke up
Eyebrow: I never spoke up because I didn’t want to hurt her, I was protecting her
Side of the Eye: I never spoke up, because I was protecting myself from her defensiveness
Under Eye: Rachel was right, and so was I
Under Nose: Rachel was just being Rachel
Chin: This Rachel scene (Note: I notice the provocative title is naturally changing to a more neutral one)
Collar Bone: This Rachel scene
Top of Hand: This Rachel scene, and what it means to me

At this point in the tapping process, I notice there is not much charge left on the Rachel part of the dream. In fact, when I think of my relationship with Rachel in real life, my thoughts of her do not hold much intensity at all. While I don’t particularly want to meet her for tea, the anger and shame has dissipated greatly – which is a huge relief. Also, I notice that my jaw is no longer sore, which feels awesome! Next I move on to describing the dream images I have involving anger towards my brother, which I handle in similar way, tapping for “this brother anger,” while acknowledging the visual impressions I’m getting.

Other Dream Scenes

At this point I am aware of another component to the dream – an element of danger and a feeling of “unsafe.” I know I feel this, because when I picture one of the dream scenes involving one of the neighbors across the street, I get a distinctly familiar feeling in my stomach – one having to do with a significant traumatic group of events in my life. During other EFT explorations of these events in the past, I had given them the descriptive and somewhat innocuous name, “The Puppet Show.” I know what this title means to me, so I decide to give this lingering part of my dream the name: “This Remaining Puppet Show.”

I gently tap my Karate Chop point as I describe the scene and the title:

Even though I have this remaining Puppet Show, and all it means to me, I am slowly working through this…
Even though I see that man across the street, he’s involved in some dangerous stuff, some Puppet Show stuff, I accept myself anyway.
Even though I feel this Puppet Show in my body, in my stomach, and it obviously still bothers me, I love and accept all of me and all the parts of me…

Through the Sequence:

Top of the Head: This Remaining Puppet Show
Eyebrow Point: Seeing that man work on his car
Side of Eye: Seeing that man from across the street and remembering danger
Under Eye: This Remaining Puppet Show and it’s effect on my body and my life
Under Nose: All this fear in my stomach that still belongs to this Puppet Show – this tired old Puppet Show!
Chin: This lingering Puppet Show and all it has meant…
Collar Bone Point: This lingering Puppet Show
Under Arm: This lingering Puppet Show and the sense of danger
Top of Hand: This remaining Puppet Show and the sense of danger and fear
Inside Wrist Point: This remaining Puppet Show and the havoc it has wreaked on my body
Top of Wrist: This old, tired Puppet Show, I’m ready to move on from this!

Replaying the Dream

Just to test, I began to replay each part of the dream I could remember – everything from Rachel’s activities to the conversation with my brother to the man who brought up the feeling of “unsafe.” Nothing carried a charge anymore. My jaw, which is always my barometer for stress, felt relaxed and nothing, not even “The Puppet Show,” could dampen the lightness I was feeling.

Tonight, as I write this and recall this morning’s session – it feels empowering to know that as my body speaks, I might be able to learn to translate its signals more effectively. This process has also made me resolve to pay more mindful attention to the thoughts and feelings present in my dreams from now on.

I often find that using spontaneous images that arise for some clients during a round of tapping, furthers the healing process. This example was such a powerful image that came through after several rounds of tapping and several layers of fears being revealed. It was a true breakthrough for this person.

In the beginning of our session we worked on tapping on fears of loss.

Even though I have these huge fears, they’re big as a house! Fears of not being able to make a living, of losing my children’s love, of not being good enough, of not being in a relationship, of not being lovable… still I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

After doing a couple of rounds of this, my client said that one of the things coming up for her was that she is very resistant to helping herself. In sessions, she is really present and open, but at home, by herself, she just resists doing any healing work for herself. So we tapped on that issue.

Even though I am so resistant to this, I don’t believe this works, I’m not worthy, I’m just saying these words because Gwendolyn wants me to, but still I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

This round led to an even deeper level under these emotional layers. It became evident that she needed to discover these layers for herself. Tapping on the resistance piece led to an intense level of self-hatred, which of course, we tapped on.

Even though I am so hard on myself, I really hate myself, and I don’t believe these words-I deeply and completely accept and love myself- I’ll say them because I would like this to change.

After this round she visibly calmed down and we began to talk and tap again on the same statement. She then commented in the tapping that she was creating this craziness around her. We incorporated that into the statement.

Even though I really hate myself and I am creating this craziness around me that is whirling faster and faster around me, I still deeply and completely forgive, love and accept myself.

Upon completing this round I used the visualization of my client being the eye of a hurricane. She said she could see it (the hurricane ) as coming from her, being connected to her. Once again from the tapping, she experienced a calmness from not pushing herself to be “fixed” and not being angry and heaping more and more pressure upon herself.

The discovery was about acknowledging and accepting all of her feelings, just being in the center and observing herself. That gave her the new opportunity to look at her emotions in a different way, as the observer, so that she can take a step away from her drama to make better choices. We decided that her assignment this week is to be the eye of the storm, observing, taking measurements, and just being without the pressure or the sabotage of not being able to fix it. This seemed to highlight the value of being present with her feelings and being at the center while still having the storm blowing around her. This illustrated a huge shift for her in her relationship to her own emotions.

This session affirmed for both of us that the need for just being, not doing or fixing is a critical part of the healing process.

Gwendolyn Evans
www.lovingself.net