“Eileen” is just 19 but she has already been through some challenges in her young life. When she first came to see me, a bout with severe depression had left her shaken. She had also experienced a brief psychosis, which had scared her a lot. Eileen had dropped out of school for a semester and had been getting treatment, hoping to become stable enough to continue her life. I saw my role as helping her process what she had been through using EFT, hypnotherapy, and the combination of the two that I call Inner Theater. I was hopeful that these tools, which engage the body-mind and the subconscious, could release some of the painful feelings and negative beliefs about herself.

In the first session, we primarily used EFT and tapped for various feelings — lack of confidence, hopelessness, sadness, feelings of failure, etc. — by going through specific events that she still felt bad about (things that had happened during her bad time). At the end of the session, her mother picked her up and was astounded to see the change in her. I remember her mother’s words: “I left her in tears and, when I come back, she’s smiling!”

After several sessions, we tried engaging her own inner imagery along with the tapping, which is the Inner Theater process. Eileen settled into my recliner and closed her eyes. I guided her to go within and to find an inner place of healing. I then asked her to get in touch with her depression and see what image might form in the healing place.

She said, “I’m lying down… and the depression is a black dome over me. I can’t see through it. No light comes through. There is beautiful nature all around me, but I can’t enjoy it.” With her permission, I gently tapped on her using her words:

“Even though there’s a black dome completely over me… no light comes through… I deeply and completely accept myself… and I want to bring some healing to this.”

I tapped the points:

“this black dome… completely over me… no light comes through… it’s so black… I can’t see the beauty around me…”

We did many rounds of tapping. Each time we tapped, she would report small changes, so we incorporated those in more rounds of EFT. The image and the energy seemed to be changing.

“Even though there’s still a black dome over me, it seems a little gray now, not so dark…”
“Even though I’m still lying under this black dome, I deeply accept myself, and a little light is filtering through…”

Eileen was feeling calmer, feeling better. Finally, after more rounds of tapping, she reported, “The dome just shattered! It broke into pieces. I can feel the sun and see the sky!”

This inner experience felt transformative to her. I asked what was happening. “I’m getting up now. I feel free. I can walk around. Oh look! The pieces from the black dome are becoming stepping stones!”

This was very moving for us both. Eileen reported that the shattered pieces were aligning themselves to form a series of stepping stones, creating a path. She said, “I know now that everything I’ve been through has taught me something. I think that I can use what I’ve learned to help others. And I want to believe that if I go through the bad times again, that’s just another stepping stone… I’ll learn even more and then get better and use that too.”

Eileen did have further ups and downs in her path of recovery, but the stepping stone imagery really sustained her. It gave her a great deal of hope to believe that her journey had meaning and could be used to help others. She has thought about a career in the healing arts or perhaps writing a book. She is a very creative, sensitive, and gifted person and I believe she will find her path.

One’s own inner imagery is often very meaningful and becomes a part of one’s inner world, like a personal healing vocabulary, or an inner refuge and source of inspiration. The Inner Theater approach, a simple process of using the EFT tapping with the imagination, can open us to finding meaningful personal images and transformative inner experiences.

What I’m about to describe is a variation on the movie technique that I have used to great effect. I call it the Bundled Movie Technique. It builds on the invaluable original.

In the original form we take one clear incident that troubles the client, create a movie that at most is a few minutes long, tap on the title and each scene of the movie to neutralise each specific element of it. I regularly use it to help work through deeply distressing incidents.

The twist I’ve used with success is when there are too many memories of the same type of event happening over time. With this type of history the similar memories tend to blend into one another. As a result, it’s often hard for a client to pick out one memory to deal with at a time. I call this variation the “Bundled Movie” Technique.

To use the Bundled Movie Technique I ask the client to create a two minute movie drawing on elements of what they’ve experienced. This seems to have the effect of neatly gathering together many similar memories, whilst still giving the focus and specificity we need to neutralise their emotional distress using EFT.

I found this variation so helpful when working with long term physical and sexual abuse cases as it achieves such rapid gentle results. Here’s an example of how I helped one client.

“Louise” came to me distressed at not being able to sleep much. She was suffering from nightmares, and felt close to a nervous breakdown. She’d suffered intense nightmares since leaving home at age of 18 and would wake every night screaming with terror. She’s now in her mid 30s. She’d been introduced to EFT by friends but together they were not making sufficient headway and so she decided to get help from a practitioner.

In the first two sessions we relieved heavy guilt over a pregnancy termination, intense grief at losing her beloved grandfather when she was a child, and guilt at not being able to help her dying grandmother more than she did. We used plenty of reframing. For example, she felt guilty at not being able to save her grandmother. Once her SUDs levels were greatly reduced we reframed that even the skilled and experienced medical doctors were unable to diagnose what was wrong with her grandmother, so how could she have done more. The negative feelings for each issue were swiftly resolved. These were issues that naturally came up in conversation and helped her gain strength of mind before turning to an issue that has tormented her since childhood.

We came to her relationship with her abusive mother. Since early childhood Louise had been subject to repeated physical violence and daily mental torment. She could not easily pick out a few incidents. They merged into each other. The abuse had started more than 30 years before, but she still felt it on a daily basis.

I asked her to create her own two minute movie based on elements of what she experienced. First I asked her to create her own title. She called the movie ‘Rejection’ and we took a rating: 10+. She was visibly terror stricken. I tend to use a stream of consciousness style of wordplay. I prefer this style of work as I can follow the flow of my intuition whilst staying alert to how the client is responding. What follows are elements of the wordplay that I used at the time.

Even though I feel this dread in my chest at this movie title . . . my body feels the turmoil of that movie . . . this dreaded fear for my life . . . my being is in panic mode . . . this movie brings heavy panic

Even though I can feel the panic in my whole being at what I experienced in this movie . . . there’s a sick feeling in my stomach . . . this heavy panic that smothers me

Even though I’m furious that she did this to me . . . how dare she . . . she was my mother . . . she had no right to reject me . . . she should have been there for me . . . and yet she rejected me

Even though I’m saddened at the treatment I received at her hands . . . I thought she would love me . . . but she didn’t . . . I’m sad I had to go through that hell . . . sad that I remember the torment every night

Even though this rejection hurts . . . it pains me . . . I was so alone . . . no one to care for this little girl . . . just rejection

We gently tapped all those negative emotions down to zero. She looked and felt calmer.

I then asked her to talk through the movie scene by scene. I watched her face for emotional intensity, and used my intuition to check for distress. Anytime negative feelings came up we stopped to clear it. We tapped through many scenes of being physically assaulted by her mother.

Even though my mother and brothers encircled me to hurl abuse . . . she encouraged them . . . egged them on . . . they said appalling things . . . there was no escape . . . they had me circled . . . penned in . . . those foul words . . . .that venom

Even though it hurt that my own flesh and blood could do that . . . didn’t my brothers know better? . . . I guess if it wasn’t me it would be them . . . they were grateful it was me and not them . . . . poor them . . . still living with her nastiness . . . . they’re adults but not yet free

Even though part of me hears her tread on the stair . . . . there’s a heavy uncomfortable feeling in my chest . . .

Even though my mother is coming into my bedroom whilst I’m half asleep . . . . I can feel the fear in my throat . . . I can’t breathe . . . I daren’t breathe . . . please ignore me . . . . don’t come in

Even though I feel sick at the change of light in my darkened room as she opened the door . . . the desperate whisper of her breath on me . . .her eyes boring in to me . . . I’ll pretend I’m asleep . . . she doesn’t care

Even though she took such pleasure in hissing abuse at me . . . she’s telling me I’m not good enough . . . I can’t escape her . . . there’s poison pouring out of her mouth . . . she’s full of evil . . . thank God I’m far away from her

Even though she was a nasty person and still is . . . at least I’ve left that behind . . . I’m free . . . I don’t have to accept that anymore . . .

Once we had calmed down all the elements that were causing her terror, I asked Louise to go through the movie again in her mind to test for any remaining fears. We tapped through a few more that were at much lower levels until she could feel completely calm about what used to happen to her. Upon further testing it became clear that the other times she experienced abuse were no longer troubling her.

We switched to tapping on the present, and replaced the nightmares with choosing to experience peaceful rest at night from now on. We also brought in divine peace and love to support her in her life going forward.

She felt much lighter at the end as if a weight has been lifted. In the weeks after the appointment she noticed an improvement in her sleep. She woke up much less and no longer was she screaming in her sleep. When she does wake up at night she finds it easy to get back to sleep within a few minutes. We’re working on the remaining factors behind this – none of these are connected to the abuse she suffered at her mother’s hands. However, it’s clear from what Louise says that the one movie we tapped through a month ago has brought about a significant improvement in her quality of life.

I’ve used the Bundled Movie technique with several other clients who have experienced long term physical or emotional abuse and have had success every time. I’ve even found it to work with one client who doesn’t consider herself visually creative. I think this is because she is accessing images she has experienced rather than creating from afresh.

I am excited to share this story about tapping on a wolf – Don’t worry, it’s a pet wolf dog! Previously, I have used tapping with my own dog Lucy (physically tapping on her), and she responds really well and indeed loves tapping. My other dog doesn’t like it, so I have to use Surrogate Tapping with her.

While I have an animal energy healers practitioner certificate, I hadn’t felt the confidence to try it with other animals until I met a beautiful wolf pet named Shawnee. Her unusual name is derived from the Shoshone tribe in America.

Shawnee

It all started when I was invited around to some new neighbors who had moved in next to us with their dog and cats. It was a lovely afternoon, and we were sitting having cocktails when I saw this most beautiful creature in the doorway – Shawnee, their pet wolf. The owner told me she was very ill and didn’t think she was long for this world. She had a terrible limp and could hardly walk. Indeed, she was trailing her back leg. Two of her feline companions had recently passed away, and she was missing them dreadfully. She had laid down, head in paws and looked very sorry for herself.

I couldn’t stop looking at this beautiful animal. The owner was very interested in EFT and had never heard of it before. She asked if I would try some on Shawnee. I advised that not all dogs liked tapping physically and we may have to use Surrogate, but the owner insisted she would be OK to try out physical tapping. I must admit to some degree of trepidation when I laid flat on the floor beside her. The absolute sheer size of her was daunting – yet she had the most beautiful eyes.

“Talk As”

I asked Shawnee if she minded if I tapped on her. I told her I was sorry she felt so ill, but that tapping might just help her. I felt it was OK and the owner said it was OK to go ahead. I then proceeded to tap on the points, around the eyes, chest and under arm, similar to ourselves with the following phrases as if I was Shawnee:

I am so low
I feel pretty bad
I can’t walk properly
But I’m a good dog & my owners love me
I wish I could walk properly
Or just a bit better
I keep trailing my back leg & hobbling along
I keep limping
But I’m a good girl, such a good girl
I miss my friends so much (the two cats)
Now they have gone forever and I won’t see them again
I’m a good girl
I want to get better

At this stage, I stopped tapping as I thought she may have had enough because she was very weak. The owner walked me round their garden, looking at the plants and chatting. I have to be honest I was still drawn to Shawnee and noticed that she had staggered up from the ground and started following us around. I thought her walking looked a lot better, but I didn’t comment.

Then the owner’s husband commented about Shawnee’s walking looking much better. She was definitely improved but not knowing her, I didn’t know what her normal day was like. I was then invited to sit with the owner in her courtyard area, and Shawnee came to sit near us and laid down. I asked the owner if she wanted to try some more tapping (Surrogate Tapping this time), and she was very keen as she wanted Shawnee to get better.

“Talk About”

I tried Gwyneth Moss’ protocol and talked about the animal. I asked the owner if she would follow me tapping as she had no idea what to do. She didn’t know the points or protocol or about Surrogate Tapping.

I tapped on myself and used similar phrases as before, such as:

Shawnee is a good girl
She’s missing her life long friends Mau & Miss Piggy
They both died after moving here and she misses them dreadfully
This is when her leg problem started
She’s so ill and may not have long for this world

Something came up here, but I didn’t vocalise it to the owner just yet, about being very worried about her owner. I didn’t want to freak this lady out! Also I work very intuitively, and it felt like the right thing at this stage. All the time the owner was tapping with me. I asked her if she wanted to try, and I would lead her with the tapping, so we then used “talk to” the animal:

Shawnee, even though you are so ill and missing your friend, you are a good girl and I love you very much…

The owner repeated and then came up with her own words,

I love you Shawnee and I don’t want you to go, but it may be your time?

We continued around this theme and as the owner started to become more confident with the whole idea, she started talking to Shawnee herself. We stopped for a while and the owner thought it was really interesting. I asked if we could do a role play between us. I was Shawnee and the owner was herself:

Me as Shawnee: I am ill, so ill, I cant walk well although it was a little better maybe just now…

Owner: I am sorry you are so ill Shawnee, I love you and want you to get better.

Me: I really miss my friends so much, Mau followed me all over (again something came up from Shawnee)

I suggested very gently that the owner might ask if it was Shawnee’s time to pass. Only if she wanted to?

The owner said, “Shawnee is it your time to pass?”

There was a very long pause. I didn’t say anything, and the owner was visibly shaken.

Still quiet, I waited. The owner eventually said, “No I don’t want to die yet.”

Me, as Shawnee, repeating the phrases: “I want all the time and help I can get, I don’t want to die, it’s not my time yet, it’s not my time, I want every bit of help from anyone”

Sharing an Intuitive Feeling

The “something” came up which I had to think about but just said it in this role play format as it seemed the right moment, “There is something wrong with your mum, what is wrong? I am really worried about you. There is something seriously wrong isn’t there? I need all the time in the world but for some reason you can’t give it to me. You are worried, what is wrong?”

Again the owner looked visibly shocked and quiet and, in fact, couldn’t speak. I waited, and said we didn’t have to go any further if she didn’t want to. She was actually quite annoyed in a defensive way at first saying that she did everything for Shawnee, she was top of her list even though she recently had lost her father. We chatted a little and then it became clear why she had reacted in this way. She became upset, but said she would be OK in a couple of minutes.

She then explained that no one knew, not her best friends and only her husband, that she had to go for a scan for cancer and was very worried. She couldn’t believe how I knew..I said I didn’t know, it was Shawnee’s worry, and I also had a sense from Shawnee that she would lose her human mum as well as her friends she had recently lost.

“I Tapped Mentally For Her”

We finished tapping around this worry. I had to leave and travel to southern Spain the next day, so I haven’t seen Shawnee physically since. Interestingly, for three consecutive nights I was woken up early morning with Shawnee’s beautiful face seeking healing which I tapped mentally for her. I couldn’t get her out of my mind, so sent her Surrogate Tapping whenever I thought of her. I rang a couple of weeks later and whilst Shawnee wasn’t in the best of health, her walking had improved dramatically.

The tapping with Shawnee really has left an impression on me, I was shocked to the core at how quickly and simply “things” came up. The whole process was only about 10 minutes.

Since then, whilst she has improved, I learned recently she had 18 epileptic fits in two days. I wanted to continue tapping surrogately, so I pulled up her photo on the computer and tapped on her points on the screen. I wanted to do role play, but was on my own. A light bulb moment: Actually no I wasn’t on my own, Lucy my own dog of 9 years was with me. Why not surrogate tap with her?!

I took the lap top over with the photo of Shawnee, to where Lucy was sat & asked if she would be willing to help tap & role play as Shawnee.

I asked questions of Lucy as Shawnee for about 15 minutes and also tapped on Lucy and on myself and on Shawnee’s photo. We tapped similarly around her health and other issues and some interesting points came up:

I asked ‘how can we help you Shawnee?’

Lucy as Shawnee ‘ Water ‘
Me ‘ do you need water, do you want to swim ?’
Lucy as Shawnee ‘ Water ‘
Me ‘ I am not sure how to help with the water Shawnee but I will talk to your owners , is there anything else ?’
Lucy ‘ Yes, when I was 3 months old I was traumatized’
Me ‘ 3 months old..the trauma’

We had to stop as Lucy started barking at something outside. I followed up with an email to the owners a couple of days later & asked if Shawnee liked swimming. The owners said not really but she loved sitting in water & two days ago sat in the newly filled swimming pool. Something she loved to do. There is some follow up work to do and the owner said she didn’t dare to think that Shawnee seemed to be improving.

I want to encourage anyone to try Gwyneth’s protocol as it has encouraged me, more and more, to work with animals. My sessions were very impromptu and not necessarily in an order, I went with the flow.

On reflection, one thing I love is the way I believe we are all so connected and that if we can also use animals to surrogately tap for another animal!

Editor’s Note: We discovered this article on TomsTapping, a group on Facebook. It is republished here with permission of the author.

Some of the most commonly reported symptoms of depression include lack of energy, feeling low, unable to muster energy to get on with the business of life and sometimes a sense that there is no sparkle or light to life.

We are beings of light, in the sense that we are, at our core, vibrating energy. When we, or our client, is experiencing depression there is a feeling that this light has been shut off, that we are living in a dull, slow, muggy darkness.

As practitioners we use the classic EFT protocols to look for the cause of the depression in beliefs, past conditioning, traumatic residue in the energy system, energetic toxins and so on.

We can also encourage our clients to raise their own inner light level, energy level and therefore change their feeling state through tapping by using an exercise such as the one outlined below. It’s a simple meditation that can be very useful for you or your client during the difficult low trough that very often accompanies a depressive episode.

Enjoy and feel free to copy and paste!

Awareness Of Your Breath

First of all take a seat on a comfortable chair. Find your feet on the floor and close your eyes. Gently put your awareness on your breath following the breath as you inhale and exhale. Do this for a few minutes.

After a few minutes allow the awareness of the breath to slowly expand becoming aware of your physical body. How you are feeling in this body at this moment? Make note of any areas of tightness, pain, fatigue, lethargy and gently scan the body from head to toe with this awareness as you continue breathing. Allow yourself to become aware of external sounds, smells, letting the attention expand naturally.

After a few minutes allow the awareness to go deeper into the muscles, tissues, organs and blood stream. You may see feel or know that your awareness is going deeper. Keep anchored in the breath and let your awareness sweep deeper and deeper into your body. Do this for a few minutes, relaxing into the exercise and giving up any sense of wanting to accomplish anything during the exercise.

Into The Cells

Now let your attention drop into the cells of your body. You may see an image of these cells, your light cells, your body of light. If you don’t see an image or feel anything, just allow yourself to know that there are billions of cells all with your unique DNA, blinking in and out of existence every second, all for your benefit, working on your behalf, all without question, this web of interconnected cells, this matrix of light energy.

Tapping and Focusing

Focus on the image of one cell, one in a billion. Make the image large and resonant, this building block of your life. Now gently begin tapping on yourself, Karate Chop (KC) first then following on with the other points.

Infuse this one cell with as much light, warmth, energy and love as feels right for you now. Take your time, tapping each of the points, turning on the Inner Sun, in this one cell, your inner light.

When you feel ready, let yourself imagine the infused light of love and harmony moving to your other cells. Use an image, feel it, or just know it. Let this image gently expand through your whole body, this whole body of pulsing light. Keep tapping as you keep with the image, allowing it to get as bright as feels right for you here in this moment. Allow yourself to feel that warmth, that love, that effortless light.

Stay with the breath and the image for a few more moments. As you come back to yourself in the present moment let yourself thank the light within. Take a few deep breaths and open your eyes.

Do this exercise once daily, preferably in the morning, as this helps you to attune your energy field to the light of day.

We encourage you to learn more about Thomas on his website: www.eftforyou.ie.

In the 1990s, Gary Craig simplified Dr. Roger Callahan’s Thought Field Therapy (TFT) from a complex tapping system into a single algorithm tapping technique. Why did Gary call it “Emotional Freedom Techniques?”

In the opening pages of his The EFT Manual (2008), Gary claims that EFT could free a person from negative emotions, years of self-doubt, grief over the loss of a loved one, anger, and negative memories involving rape or other abuse. He says “freedom” could also mean freedom to earn a greater income, to improve one’s golf score, to make cold calls with ease, to lose weight, and to become a public speaker, singer, or comedian. He states one can achieve freedom from the anxiety that drives one to addictions and freedom from PTSD, guilt, and depression. Gary writes, “I mean freedom to express love easily and walk upon this planet with grace and confidence” (pp. 25-26).

Most people who have done their share of tapping have experienced new levels of emotional freedom. One client is free from her vomiting phobia which stunted her life. Another client is free from migraines that kept her from planning with confidence anything in the future. Another client experienced freedom from Diet Coke, another from twice-a-day trips to Dairy Queen, another from late night binging. Another client is free from incessant negative self-talk that zapped him of energy. Still others are free from anger at that one person in their lives who used to drive them crazy. Many clients are free from childhood limiting beliefs about themselves, such as “I don’t deserve a good life,” “I don’t matter,” and “I’m invisible.” The increased emotional freedom I have witnessed proves Gary named his technique correctly.

Freedom to Dance

I wanted to feel more emotionally free when I attended my high school reunion last summer. I had not seen the vast majority of my classmates for 40 years having not attended the previous reunions. I knew old feelings of self-consciousness and awkwardness could make for one long, miserable evening if I didn’t do some tapping.

I did more than one round of tapping, but below is a summary of how it evolved. On the Karate Chop (KC) point I tapped:

Even though I won’t know anyone there and won’t know what to say, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway

Even though I don’t like social situations where I have to make small talk with strangers, maybe I can enjoy myself anyway

Even though I’m afraid of feeling self-conscious, what will they think of me? I accept myself and all of my feelings

Tapping through the points:

I’m afraid of going to my reunion

They don’t know me

I don’t know them

What will we say to each other?

It can be so awkward

Maybe it doesn’t have to be

Maybe I can enjoy myself!

That would be strange — but nice

All these fears about uncertainty

Maybe I can let them go

When I got to the reunion I was relaxed and expecting to have a good time. I had the insight from the tapping that these were just people, and it didn’t matter if we didn’t know each other well. I didn’t find the small talk annoying. In fact, I felt so at ease that when the music started I jumped up to dance in front of my high school classmates without feeling self-conscious. Before tapping, I would have preferred to stay in my seat.

EFT increased my choices of how to behave and how to feel in this situation. It didn’t feel difficult after tapping! I felt emotionally free at my reunion.

Belinda, a woman in her middle years, recently learned that she has breast cancer. She switched to a raw foods diet and immediately started losing weight. She also started seeing different therapists. I explained to her that EFT could help her clear any conflicts that she was having, including any blocks she has to healing. Though Belinda lives close enough that we could have done a session in person, we decided to do a phone session to save time.

The way that I like doing EFT is to get to the biggest underlying issue, and for Belinda her biggest conflict centered around spending so much time taking care of her elderly parents that she hadn’t allowed time to take care of herself. The intensity of the conflict was a 10, and when I asked her where it was located in her body, she replied that it felt the most intense in her throat and third eye. Then she noticed that it had become entangled in all of her chakras.

When we did up the Setup phrases we included statements such as:

Even though there is a part of me that doesn’t think this is going to work, I love and accept myself…

Even though I doubt that this will work…

Even though it’s a juggling act with a few too many balls in the air…

Even though I have this conflict with taking care of my parents and not taking care of myself…

Even though I haven’t been taking care of myself…

During the first round, we used “It’s a juggling act” as her reminder phrase. I could hear her laughing when she repeated, “It’s a juggling act.” After each round of tapping I asked about the intensity level in her chakras, reminding her that it had been a 10 when we started. At the end of the first round, the intensity dropped from a 10 to an 8. We talked a little more, and it seemed that it might have continued to drop, so I repeated my question. It had dropped to a 6.

To determine what her “sweet spots” were, I asked which of the points that she had tapped on felt particularly good. She came up with four points that stood out for her (her collar bone, side of the eye, above the lip and the top of the head). I told her that in the future, when feeling any anxiety or frustration, she could tap or press on her sweet spots for instant relief.

The next round of tapping brought the intensity down to a 4. I could hear her yawning over the phone. I reminded her that yawning is a release. She said that she was feeling more relaxed as she tapped.

On the third round, she tapped on all the responsibilities that she had with her parents, and how she had forgotten about herself. She also shared how she hadn’t taken care of herself, and that she would eat a carton of Häagen-Dazs ice cream for dinner. One of her set-up phrases was, “Even though I used to eat a carton of Häagen-Dazs for dinner, I love and accept myself.” At one point as we were tapping, Belinda blurted out, “I’m important!” and so we finished the round with her tapping on “I’m important!” Her intensity dropped to a 2.

Belinda shared with me how she was getting other people involved with all of the jobs that she had been doing for her folks. She was going to continue to lessen her load and begin shifting her focus to taking good care of herself.

With her final round of tapping, we didn’t use any Setup phrases (because the intensity was less than 3). We started with, “I am important!” I encouraged her to come up with her own affirmations as we tapped. The affirmations included:

I am important
I remember I am important
I take good care of myself
I count
I make time for fun (she really liked this one)
The cancer is dissolving as we speak
We have fun at my Titty Party [note: She had told me she was going to have a breast party.]
I am healthy
I am whole and complete

Belinda was really laughing after this last round. Her intensity dropped down to 0. She said that she was feeling really relaxed. I asked if she was familiar with Louise Hay’s work, and she said she had several of her books. I shared an affirmation that Louise uses for breast problems.

Caregivers have to remember to take good care of themselves or they can end up getting sick themselves. It truly is a balancing act to take care of oneself and to take care of parents. Belinda is learning how balance her own life with her obligations of taking care of her parents. Now she has EFT as a tool with which to help herself.

No one likes being criticized. During a recent EFT weight loss teleclass, we discussed the topic of body image and how to manage critical remarks. One woman (I’ll call her Amy) identified 2 specific events in which she had been criticized. The one that bothered her the most was by a boyfriend at age 17, who said to her “all you have to do is slim down your thighs and you would be perfect.”

Since that time, Amy has struggled with perfectionism, as well as feeling like she could never live up to the expectation of others. She felt as if she needed to be perfect before she could be loved by herself or others.

When you feel criticized, there are always a number of aspects that you can tap on to remove the sting. First is the remark itself. It’s often helpful just to tap as you repeat the words that were said.

Second, is how it makes you feel, especially how it makes you feel about yourself. Amy felt angry, hopeless and “not good enough.”

Third, is the meaning you give it, what you say to yourself, and the story that evolves from it. Amy told herself she wasn’t good enough, would not be loved unless she was perfect, and thought she could never live up to the expectations of others.

Fourth, is what you do as a result of it. Amy spent decades trying to be perfect in order to please other people in order to feel loved. She desperately wanted to lose weight, but whenever those feelings of anger and hopelessness were triggered, she turned to sweets to comfort herself.

Here are some of the tapping statements we used to collapse this issue:

Even though I don’t feel good about this issue … and I hate what he said to me, I love and accept myself.

Even though he said “all you have to do is slim down your thighs and you would be perfect,” and I thought his opinion was very important at the time …I love and accept myself anyway.

Even though I started believing him just because he said it…I accept myself anyway.

Even though I thought I wasn’t good enough…and I thought I could never measure up to other people’s expectations… I deeply love and accept myself.

Even though I thought I had to be perfect to be loved …and it made me angry, it made me feel hopeless…I accept myself anyway.

Even though I felt hopeless, I felt so judged, and it’s costing me…it was just my reaction…to a thoughtless remark…What was he thinking, saying something like that to me? I am open to the possibility that he was doing the best he could…I may have to accept it, understand it, and maybe even forgive.

Even though I felt so hopeless and angry, I choose to know that just because he said it, it doesn’t mean anything, and I choose to believe in my own worth and value.

EB: He said “all you have to do is slim down your thighs and you would be perfect.”
SE: That was his form of a compliment.
UE: It upset me … made me angry… and it’s affected me my whole life.
UN: It’s been a challenge to measure up to other people’s expectations.
CH: I’ve been hanging onto this my whole life.
CB: Believing what I was told…
UA: It made me angry.
TH: It made feel hopeless.

EB: It made me feel like I had to be perfect.
SE: And that felt impossible.
UE: I was always trying to live up to other people’s expectations.
UN: That was then and this is now…
CH: What if it’s time now to let this go?
CB: What if I could put this in perspective, and see it as just his careless remark?
UA: What was he thinking saying something like that to me?
TH: What if I could leave this in the past without any added meaning?

EB: What if it was just not about me?
SE: What if he was doing the best he could?
UE: What if I could choose to let this go?
UN: What if I could choose to see this differently?
CH: What if I am already perfect?
CB: And I don’t need to measure up to anyone’s expectations?
UA: I can’t change their opinion of me,
TH: I can’t stop people from judging me.

EB: But I can change my opinion of myself.
SE: What if I could love myself anyway, no matter what anyone says to me?
UE: What if I could feel comfortable in my own skin, no matter what?
UN: What if I could let myself relax about this?
CH: It was just a careless remark
CB: He had no idea how it would affect me.
UA: What if I could let this go…
TH: And accept myself just as I am?

Amy felt so much more peaceful after these rounds of tapping. She felt that she could leave this incident in the past and forgive the person who said it. This tapping allowed her to start to accept and love herself, independent of the opinions of others. It’s what we call Emotional Freedom.

Carol Solomon, Ph.D. MCC is a Psychologist, Certified EFT Practitioner & Master Certified Coach. She specializes in helping clients lose weight and eliminate food and weight issues. She is the author of “How To Stop Food Cravings and Lose Weight With EFT” and the EFT Weight Loss CD. Visit her online at www.EFTtips.com

Halloween…. it begins the long slide into the holiday season. Next is Thanksgiving, then comes Christmas and New Years. A lot of opportunities for socializing. This is fun and also terrible for many of my clients and women I know. There will be a lot of food and a lot of dressing up and sometimes a lot of comparisons and fears about how one looks.

I recently had a painful experience with someone whom I love who was really upset about having to go to a party and not feeling attractive. The more I tried to “convince” and talk to this person, the uglier she felt. I felt like I was in a trap. I realized, there is absolutely nothing and no one who could convince this person that she is beautiful. NOBODY. Even a gorgeous man (by her estimation) flirting with her would not change a thing. She would get temporary relief but it would never sink in to the bottomless pit of low self worth she was feeling. (I didn’t tap with her as it was not something she would do, unfortunately.) It made me really sad because to say that this was someone I cared about would be a huge understatement…. and then later I felt PISSED OFF. Because you know what I realized? This woman was just like me and so many women I know and work with.

I chose to work with body image, weight, self-worth and healing for women for a very good reason. It is my issue too of course, or has been to some degree or other over my lifetime. Though I feel I am a relatively confident and happy woman and love my body now, I am certainly not perfect, and things come up that trigger me, like this incident.

Healing is like peeling back layers of an onion. We heal many things and we are feeling good and then we get triggered by something and know there is more to clear. Well that is what happened here with me. I was grateful for the opportunity to go deeper into my own healing with this issue. I hope that we can all feel that way when something painful comes up. It’s an opportunity for more healing and growth.

Here is a simple process I use for this issue with clients.

The First Step:

Become aware that you are triggered and don’t brush it off. Pay attention to what is bothering you about having to get dressed up and socialize. Is it the clothes and how you fit in them? Is it seeing others and knowing they will say something about the way you look? Is there someone you judge yourself against? Do you wish you were taller, shorter, smaller, bigger (yes, that happens a lot too!), had different features, hair, etc. Be honest, and maybe write it out in a journal to tap on when you have time and space to address it fully.

The recent example from my experience: I was triggered by what my close friend was saying, how ugly and unattractive she felt and that she would never be the “ideal” woman next to all these model type girlfriends she had. She almost didn’t even want to go to the party at all… My first reaction was to justify, explain away how “wrong” that feeling was. Didn’t she know that nobody is the “ideal” woman and images in our society have changed so drastically over the years? I went into my body image rant about size and beauty and cultural ideals over the ages.

However, none of this intellectual explanation really touched the issue at all, of course. I also realized that I felt bad about how I feel I am not measuring up too. I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t having a reaction in that moment. I felt bad about myself next to those women too…. sad but true. I am deeply aware of the cultural norms and standards and how ridiculous they are, still hurts, ouch. One more layer to peel back of healing. Good to know!

The Second Step:

Release the beliefs and pain of them. Do not skip this step please. I think sometimes we get intimidated by our beliefs and emotions thinking this one is “the big one” I’ll never be able to change it…

No. Not possible.

One thing that I have learned in all the years of doing this work is that any belief that isn’t total love and acceptance for ourselves- no really- is simply false.

So please give yourself a chance and use any and all techniques, especially tapping of course to begin to address your beliefs around attractiveness and beauty.

Tapping For Feeling Beautiful:

1. Start with how you really feel about the way you look. Say whatever you need to, get it all out. Write it down if need be and tap on each feeling it piece by piece. Examples:

Tap on the side of the hand and repeat 3 times whatever the predominant feelings are:

“Even though I feel unattractive right now… I love and accept myself”
“Even though I feel awful when I compare myself to others…. I choose to love, accept and forgive myself now”
“Even though I still feel unattractive deep down and like I’m not pretty enough… I should look like..xyz.. I choose to fully and completely love, accept and forgive myself.”

Through the points on the body:

“I’m not pretty enough”
“I’ll never look like those women (you can insert whoever it is that you judge yourself against)”
“I’m not xyz enough” (tall enough, short enough, thin enough, you name it)
“I’ll never be the right size or shape”

Repeat all of the things that you find yourself feeling about the way you look. Be specific with it.

I recommend doing several rounds of tapping through the points until you feel some release or it brings up a very specific incident for you where you felt unattractive when you were much younger. That is what you want to tap on next.

While I was tapping I recalled a locker room incident that literally ruined sports for me I think when I was younger. I developed early and was the only person I knew with dark skin. I felt like I looked so different and of course, weirder than anyone else. Kids. We judge ourselves against our peers but we often retain the wounds of those beliefs into adulthood even though our adult minds know better. Our hearts and subconscious minds don’t. That is why all the intellectual reasons we give ourselves why we should “know better” don’t work. We have to pull out those thorns that still make us hurt deep down.

Tapping on the memory of feeling unattractive that came up:

On the side of the hand:

“Even though I remember feeling like a freak in the locker room in 8th grade, being so much more developed than the other girls and looking so different from them anyway and being sensitive about that already… I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself for taking on this hatred and shame”

Through the points I simply tapped on all of the different parts to the memory:

“I felt so freakish”
“I developed early and felt so embarrassed”
“I was too different”
“I had dark skin and totally different features to begin with”
“I hated being different”
“I hated being so much bigger than them”
“I was like an adult and had to hide that”
“I hated it”
“I was so ashamed”
“Why did I have to stand out so much?”
“Why wasn’t I like them?”
Etc…

Once I could feel myself getting a lot of emotional distance from it I tapped in some positive beliefs:

“I love and accept myself as I am”
“I’m just right, right now”
“I love myself, I’m a child of the divine”
“I am beautiful just as I am”
“I love my skin”
“I love my voluptuous body”
“I am special and unique”
“I love being my beautiful and unique self”
“I’m blessed and lucky to be me”
“There will never be another me, ever in all of creation”

For good measure I tapped on all the things I love about myself. I recommend doing that as well. Go crazy. Are you a good cook? Do your friends love to talk to you and say you are kind and loving? Do you love your hands? Your eyes?

This one cleared pretty quickly for me and left me truly believing what my intellect was saying again about beauty.

I have done this exact same process with so many of my clients now that it is truly amazing. I wonder sometimes if any of us escaped our childhood and teen years feeling acceptable?

It’s not real, this whole beauty thing. It truly is in our heads and hearts.

Let’s let compassion begin with ourselves.

The Dalai Lama says: “The world will be saved by the Western Woman.”

I believe that we save the world truly when we save ourselves. Let the war with our bodies end now and let’s get on with spreading the love and compassion that we are all meant to share.

Blessings my beautiful sisters,

Sandy

Sandy Zeldes is a Certified EFT Practitioner & Certified Nutrition Consultant with over 7 years experience. She helps her clients find relief relief with weight gain, stress, emotional eating, food obsession, and poor body image. Visit her online at www.eatlikeagoddess.com.

In my practice as a psychotherapist and EFT practitioner, I make extensive use of the “Parts” process, based on the NLP model of Six Step Reframe and significantly expanded and developed by Fran Burgess in her Personality Alignment approach.

Whilst helping a client to meet and communicate with their own Personality Parts can be successfully done through talk therapy alone, adding EFT to this approach significantly enhances the process of alignment and internal “peace-making.”

“One Part of Me”

When trying to make changes in your life, you may have heard yourself say something like, “One part of me really wants to be healthier and go to the gym, but another part just wants to sit in front of the TV eating crisps.”

Metaphorically, you can think of your overall personality as a team of workers, all striving towards better health, well-being and success of the whole system–you! The problem arises when some of the team members do not communicate with others, or reject, oppress or even bully each other. The resultant inner conflict gets in the way of achieving our goals. We can spot such internal battles in most cases of addictions, eating disorders, autoimmune illness, procrastination, but it is also present in less obvious everyday situations – whenever it feels like we put obstacles in our own way.

The first principle for pulling this “dysfunctional team” together and helping them communicate better, is for the therapist to develop good rapport with the Part associated with the dysfunctional behavior pattern which the client wants to work on. You can also do this process yourself with the suggestions below.

Identifying the Leading Players

Whilst there may be quite a number of players in the “team,” at the very least there will be two Parts who play the leading roles – the Part that is responsible for the undesirable behaviour and the Part that is critical, punitive, often perfectionist. The latter has high expectations and blames and chastises the “naughty” part when things go wrong.

When we lapse on our road to change, the internal critic will rouse such feelings of shame and guilt that the obvious solution is to tranquilise the pain with the addictive substance, food or behaviour. For this reason, it is extremely important for the therapist to show empathy and understanding for both the Parts and not to side with one against the other so as to avoid helping to reinforce the ongoing internal warfare.

Basic Tips

Here are some basic tips on how you may incorporate Parts Work into your EFT therapy. When I get a sense of an internal conflict or sometimes simply when I hear words like “one part of me (…) and another part of me (…),” I begin to ask a series of questions:

So if the Part of you that is responsible for [drinking, smoking, procrastinating, worrying etc] was a person, what would it look like? (I give the client time to visualise the Part)

Is it male or female? (The Part can be of the same or different gender to the client, or sexless)

What is he/she wearing? (Clothing and appearance can symbolise significant aspects of the internal conflict)

How old does he/she look? (The Part can be younger, same age, older than the client, or “ageless”)

Does he/she have a name? (The name may be different or the same as client’s own name, sometimes there is no name, or just a descriptive nickname)

Finding the Job Description

The client’s feelings towards the Part can vary widely but are often negative. It is crucial that the therapist maintains neutrality and does not judge this part of the client’s personality, even if its behaviour appears very destructive (e.g. in self-harm or serious drug addictions). Occasionally I find that the Part is so fearful or suppressed that it is unable to “show up” – but for the purposes of this piece we will assume that the client has come up with some visual image of the Part.

I invite the client to tap with me, acknowledging the existence of the Part.

“Even though there is a Part of me which is responsible for my drinking, it is male, wearing filthy rags and is called Roger, I accept myself anyway.” Facing an “undesirable” Part of themselves can emphasize the difficulty the client may have with self-acceptance, and the set-up phrase may have to be modified, such as “I accept some parts of me,” “I accept most of me,” or “I’d like to accept all parts of me.”

Once we have done a round of tapping, I check with the client what the Part is looking like now. Then I ask “If this Part was trying to help in some way, what might its purpose be?” – or I may speak to the Part directly and ask “What job are you trying to do for [client’s name]?” I invite the client to say the first thing that comes to mind. The answer usually relates to some crucial function like safety and protection, being strong, motivation, connection and love – the client is often surprised by this information.

When we have identified the job of the “misbehaving” Part, I invite the client to acknowledge it through tapping:

“Even though I thought this Part of me was putting obstacles in my way, I recognise its purpose of… [include the wording of the positive intention].”

It is important to keep validating the negative emotions and beliefs that the client may still have about the “naughty” Part, also.

Occasionally, simply acknowledging the existence of the Part responsible for the undesirable behaviour and showing some understanding of it may be enough to make a dramatic change in an addictive or compulsive pattern. Often the client will come up with alternative ideas for how to fulfil that crucial task that their misguided “team member” has been trying to work towards – safety, peace, connection, joy etc. If these new awarenesses are not popping up, you could gently prompt them with phrases such as

“Even though this part of me has been [include positive intention identified] through [behavior], I am curious whether there may be any other ways to achieve that.”

If solutions are offered, it is important to check out with the “dysfunctional” Part whether these are acceptable to it – remember that all our Parts are terrified of being unwanted, of literally losing their job! What we are trying to achieve is NOT to “sack” the Part that has been causing trouble. What we CAN do is to give it a new job description.

A Two-Part Conversation

Often, it may not be sufficient just to acknowledge the internal Part responsible for the unwanted behaviour, and we need to summon the perfectionist, critical Part (call it Part B), who is in direct conflict with Part A. I ask questions on the lines of “Is there a Part that is critical of, or does not like Part A?” Inevitably, the client will recognise this Part – in fact it has probably already popped up during the session if the client has been saying disparaging or critical things about Part A.

I would ask the client questions about Part B, and then tap on the client’s description of it, to acknowledge its presence, its purpose and the positive intention.

I will sometimes ask the client to draw the two conflicting Parts – and any other Parts who may be present! – on a piece of paper (drawing skill is unimportant here). This makes it easier to examine the relationship between the two. You can explore this in client’s imagination if they are reluctant to draw.

I ask questions such as:

How far away are they from each other?

Are they looking at each other or away?

What are their facial expressions?

Are they hearing each other?

What do they feel about each other?

What do they want from each other?

We tap on these answers using the client’s words as accurately as possible, without distorting them or trying to force any shifts in the imagery – these will happen all on their own with tapping. If the client has done a drawing, they may make any alteration or additions to the drawing that seem significant.

You are likely to find that whilst at first the two parts may have been positioned in two far corners of the paper (or client’s visual field) and were scowling at each other, through tapping they may gradually move closer and seem to open up to one other. Their appearance, age, clothing may begin to transform. Feelings of love, compassion, warmth, and often tears begin to arise, sometimes very slowly and cautiously, sometimes in a big gush.

Client-Led Integration of Parts

It is not uncommon for the client to spontaneously make a symbolic gesture of holding, hugging or otherwise accepting the previously rejected and despised part of themselves. It is important to note here that there are some techniques in NLP and other therapeutic modalities where the therapist encourages the client to “integrate” or “bring in” the rejected part of themselves – but if the client is not yet ready for this profound process the attempt could further intensify the conflict. Far safer, in my experience, to gently tap on whatever arises, and allow the process to take place naturally and organically.

The details of these transformations are utterly unique to each individual and the length of time that true integration may take can vary widely. It is crucially important for the therapist not to hold pre-conceived ideas. It is vital for the therapist to model patience, respect, and non-judgement towards all aspects of the client’s personality and experience. In addition to the healing properties of EFT, this is the most important component of healing these internal wars that are such a common part of the process of human change, development and transformation.

This one was a surprise issue. My partner has a huge plastic bottle into which he has been putting coins for years. It’s about half full. I don’t know how much is in there now, it hasn’t ever been counted yet. I noticed that when we moved in together I took a while before I began adding my “extra coins” to the pot. I obviously had reservations about “his” and “mine.” I logically realize this is totally silly because if I asked him for anything, he’d hand it over in a heart-beat if I needed it. I noticed this interesting emotional programming I have regarding trust in relationships.

Recently, my wallet was heavy with too much small change and I wanted to get rid of the excess. I had noticed my partner putting loonies ($1 Canadian coins with a loon on them) and twoonies ($2 Canadian coins) into the pot … as if he didn’t need them to pay for things. I compared my own habit of putting in pennies and nickels.

I’d been listening to a Mike Dooley audio program lately and he talks about acts of faith as a way to tell the universe that you’re ready for something that you don’t presently have. As I put my money into the jar this time, I decided to stretch myself as an act of faith: acting AS IF I don’t need that bit of change in my wallet to pay for things, telling my subconscious that I have more than enough elsewhere – which IS actually the truth. Apparently, however, I have an emotional part of me that DOESN’T believe that. My act of faith would be that I’d throw in my dimes as well. Sounds easy enough…

Well, I would never have imagined there could be so much resistance! I threw all my dimes in, maybe 7 to 10 of them, and I forced myself to throw in a quarter as well. I had three others that I did NOT put in.

Recognizing “Writing on My Walls”

As I sat down after doing that I immediately became aware of an emotion and a bodily sensation telling me that all was not fine. I could feel such sadness welling up and my body was physically tight with fear. Where there is fear, there is no love… and there certainly isn’t any faith. I recognized this as some of the “the writing on my walls” regarding lack of abundance.

Contrary to what I generally do with clients, I didn’t bother with any Setup phrases. Nor did I take the time to check the level of intensity. I did not believe that I had any Psychological Reversal on this issue so I simply began tapping the 8 shortcut points that I most often use: EB, SE, UE, UN, CH, CB, UA and top of head.

Phrases: This sadness about giving my money away. This sadness about putting my money in the common pot. This tightness in my body about putting my dimes in the pot. Let’s not think about the quarters. A whole quarter!

Feel like it’s no longer mine. Feel like it’s lost to me now and I might need it. What if I need it? I can’t get it back. It feels so sad. Can’t ask for it back.

I don’t know how much is mine. What is my rightful part? I might need it and I won’t have it. Such sadness, such fear, needing the money and not being able to get it back. I had it once but I gave it away. I might need it. Such fear. This sadness.

I stopped when I experienced no more distress and “Aaaaahhh, that felt better!” No more fear, no more sadness, no more tightness. It felt like a 0 out of 10. I decided to test my work by going back and throwing in the other three quarters!! I stood and watched, emotionless, as they fell into the bottle. Okay, I haven’t tried throwing the loonies or twoonies in yet but I know that some day I will and, for the moment, I am celebrating my success at bringing about quite a large shift in perspective about small change and feeling that much lighter and more enlightened.

How many little things like that do we deal with every single day of our lives? They seem so trivial yet how do they limit us? We are often not even consciously aware of them, these seemingly inconsequential thoughts and beliefs, and yet they are stressors running constantly in the background and they have an impact on our emotional and possibly even our physical well-being. What a relief and a change in our lives when we are able to remove them using EFT or any other modality for that matter. Again, all I can say is “Aaaahhhhhh!”

Tap on even the small things!

Follow Up

Follow up about 2 months later: I have since tested the work by throwing in more change which included dimes AND quarters. There was no resistance. Next step: (to paraphrase Dorothy and the gang) “Loonies and Twoonies and Bills! Oh my!”

Kelly Roughton is an EFT Practitioner and NGH Certified Hypnotherapist living in the Montreal, Quebec, Canada area. Using a good dose of humour and a lot of compassion, she enjoys working privately with clients and facilitating personal development workshops. Visit her online at www.InnerShining.com